It seems that I pretty much have nothing to blog here for the past few days.
Will be out in a few minutes time. Going to Kak Su's house and then to Mamang Awal's house for jemputan. Later, I will be meeting my dearest at Paya Lebar and play bowling at ECP. Tomorrow is a public holiday and will be picnicking with the family at ECP again. And on Tuesday, I'll be out KTV-ing with Chaili at errrrr....Lot 1.
I was just reading this blog about a gay couple. So gross! I'm not against homosexuals or something but imagine a guy calling another guy darling.... GROSS!!!
Anyway, today, I'm doing basically nothing. Just prepare some materials to tuition my youngest brother on his maths and his sciences. I can't believe that secondary maths is so damn easy! Did a lot of revision with him. Urh yes, I'm working my brain again after only a day of rest from the books. My back still hurts from sitting too long! I've been running the flu for a few weeks now and even a prescribed flu medicine ain't working. Imagine blowing my nose in the peacefulness of the examination hall..so MALU. I think I need my sleep.....sighs....
Now, I'm just reading a book by Sarah Harvey while listening to soothing music. Thinking about him too. Harh! He's BACK!! My dearest finally messaged me last night and I am sooo glad that he's back. I thought that I could spend half of my Sunday with him this weekend....but lecehlah cause I need to compromise with my mom, which I'm not willing to do anymore. Well, he'll be coming back home tomorrow and I just can't wait to be with him again...
*sighs* I miss him badly. I don't know how to describe the feeling..... I know he'll be reading this when he comes back. A note for him...read from 16 Apr... Happy reading...!~
I've got a lot of free time now and I've put it to a rather good use. A year ago, I made this collage specially for us and he said that he loves it....
Then, I tried to replace it with a newer version of it. Unfortunately, he said that he prefers the previous one... A few days ago, I made an updated version of the first one. It's rather empty cause we have yet to take photos together recently. We looked better together in this collage rather than the first one.....*smiles* That's because the first collage consists of photos taken during our first year together and there were photos of our few first dates whereas for this collage, our relationship has matured a lil bit...a teeny-weeny bit...hehe. JUST kidding-lah...
And guess what? A few minutes ago, I produced something new. To mark our 1 year of friendship, I made a collage of me and my friends and the times we spent together for our first year in NTU. I'm not trying to compliment myself or something, but I think I did well with this collage....Feel free to upload them into your comps...;)
Urh...the exams r finally.....OVER!!!!! WhoopeeDOOOOO!!! Structures was the best paper that I've sat for this semester. There wasn't any hiccups while I was doing the paper. I was feeling so damn calm and that I just couldn't wait to end everything there and then.
Now, my back aches like hell. So does my neck. Too much studying perhaps. And alsoI'm barely 60kg now. Finally my weight dropped below 60kilos. What a miracle!
A lot of activities to look forward to for the next few days. And uhuh...my dearest is coming out of the jungle tomorrow after a week, which means that we can at least communicate again. Living without him for a week SUCK. Imagine me without him in my life. Although my outlook has always been normal but the inside of me is something else. I felt empty. I miss him damn a lot but nobody to vent it out to, only to myself. If only he knew.....
Remember the song by Celine Dion, "Because you loved me". Such a sweet song....
For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through, through it all
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me Maybe I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me The light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'cause you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
Throughout the time I'm in a relationship with Hatta, I've made myself very unavailable. I tried to socialize when I entered NTU last year, but like they say, "once pricked, twice shy". I've created the wrong impression on different people until I'm scared that I'm gonna be engulfed by temptations. I don't know that making myself so damn unavailable will create unwanted attention. I just found out something and I'm like...."Ewwwwwww!!!"
Well, it's ok. I've went through this since I was 16 when I already had feelings for Hatta and that someone wanted me to be his girlfriend. The fact is that nobody can ever change my feelings for him. I'm very very true to him. No matter what it is, I never want to hurt him and neither do I want him to hurt me. I belong to him and he belongs to me. End of story...!~
Today, I don't really have the mood to study. Tomorrow is Tech Comm paper... I don't know what to expect even though it's just merely english and wednesday is structures....
Hmmm...just came back from Kak Lina's wedding dinner. Very grand and sooo westernized... just like being in a hotel! And she looks awesomely awesome in white! Hehehe....all my older sisters were pretty until they got themselves married and pregnant but well, at least they are married. Wahaha...I so bad...
Anyway, tonight, while I was there, I finally saw Abg Rafly, after hmmm...since I was 13, which was 8 years ago. He still looked young, fair and as short as ever. Haha...he was introduced to me then, by Abg Zul, and after that he started to irritate me with stuffs. Now, he has a girlfriend whose taller than him and looked older for her age whereas Abg Zul got himself a new young and sexy girlfriend...as always..
I wonder what do guys really want in their girlfriends or from their girlfriends. While girls fall in love, head over heels with guys, no matter what is his status or even his looks, and want to be with him but guys....what do they want? To be with someone whose sexy, tall and will make them feel good about themselves cause they have a girlfriend whose looks are awesome and with an awesome bode?
Harh...I don't even know what my dearest thinks about whenever he's with me. I don't have the looks and neither do I have the bode...but well, I'm glad that he loves me for who I am...*smiles* I definitely love him for who he is....but ehem...he do have a nice bode. LOL..
I do miss him very very much right now and my life macam nak RAK, not talking to him for 2 whole days. I'll bear with it. It's his job and I'm proud that he's an NSmen, cause he's serving the country whereas I'm just consuming the country's resources.
Yes! 5 down 2 more to go. This week was really a stucked-up week for me. The worst paper was Computational Methods whereby half of the paper actually killed me. I don't want to think about the outcome of my exams yet. The only thing now is to go through Tech Comm and Structures papers and I'll start having fun!!
Two things to look forward to next week, KTV and Seoul Garden with my girlfriends, and not forgetting making up for lost time with my darling boyfriend by playing bowling!!
Talking about my dearest... He called me just now!!!! It felt so long since we chatted on the phone! It's nice to hear his voice and the saddening part is that, I won't be able to talk to him for 7 WHOLE DAYS!!! *sniff sniff* Nobody to talk to....
Hmmm...sometimes when I drown myself in my own thoughts, I'll start to think about well..can you imagine, 6 years ago, I don't even know this guy. I only know him by his name and how short he was and that he shys away from people like me and my friends last time. Then one day, my bestest friend introduced me to him but he was just a friend then. The four of us, me, my bestfriend, him and his bisu-club friend started to hang out. Go for recess...go home...and whatever it is.....together. We were just 15, then. After a year, four of us went our separate ways, and funnily, me and him ended up in the same group of friends. I had developed a good impression for him by then..but oh gosh...he was too good for me!
Everyday, I looked forward to school because of him and that I could spend my day with him plus our friends. I would just stay back in school, just to see him. Heh...those crazy times of me being in denial. I actually felt guilty and stopped going home with him to stop stimulating other people's minds about my feelings towards this oh-so-wonderful guy.
And 6 years later...this oh-so-wonderful guy turns out to be the one whom I say "I love you" to and whom I miss most and yearn for everyday. The short and shy guy now turns out to be taller, more outgoing and as handsome as ever, especially to me. Someone whom I hold on to in times of trouble. We went through a lot of ups and downs together, especially this year. We always have fun in the company of each other. One thing is that I always have admiration and respect for him, since a long time ago.
I'm so glad that I'm with this oh-so-wonderful guy now. But still, come to think of it, I can't believe that I'm in love with one of my closest guy friends six years ago....
I'll stop talking about him. Anyway, I came across this beautiful portrait while blog-hopping. It just caught my eye.... This drawing shows something about women. Men surrender themselves to women while women stab them in the back.
Been sleeping at 3am every morning and I guess tonight I'll be sleeping earlier so that I'll be able to start my day tomorrow earlier. I can't wait for next week to end.
Anyway, today, I meet up with my dearest to just chat and be in each other's company. It feels like it's been so long since I've been with him. Although I was mad at him yesterday, but he fully understand how I felt. I'm sooo touched cause no matter how harsh my words are...he still understand. He actually leave me speechless and well...hehehe...i love him soooo much...
I remembered last semester. I was complaining that it's been quite sometime since I played golf and he promised to take me golfing after the exams. Oh...we had lotsa fun!! This semester, I'm looking forward to another one of our fun dates after the exams! This time, he wants to compete with me in bowling....hehehe....and everytime, I have to let him win, if not, he'll sulk..hehe... This is what I really love about our dates. Traditional dates are normally just movie and dinner but ours have some fun into it cause we will get bored of movies after some time.
I've calmed down now. I know I'm gonna miss him pretty badly cause we can only have a proper date when he comes back after 2 weeks and by then, I'm done with my exams.
*sighs* No matter what, I'll still love him...
That feels good...long time never say that here...
I'm supposed to be happily studying now but I'm not. I am really disheartened despite his "sorrys".
There comes a time when I really need someone to talk, and the time is now. Talking to even my closest friends never seem to cheer me up cause we are all facing the same problems. So, I turned to someone whose much much much closer to me.
But he seems so faraway even though he's not and doesn't even care to cheer me up. Instead, he wasted my time, staring at the screen for more than an hour. He doesn't even want to spare some time for me when I always am able to spare some time for him and I thought we are supposed to compromise.
I'm looking forward to pour out my sorrows to someone cause I've been feeling so damn lonely for the past week and I have nobody to talk to. I always have to seek for my own solace to drown my sorrows. The thought of how critical my week is gonna be next week is killing me...
Well....let him be busy and I don't want to waste his time and neither do I want to waste my time. We might as well not talk or even meet and there's no point in realizing anything now cause I know that he never really care or understand about how I'm feeling now............
I'm feeling hype now but a lil bit sleepy and the back is aching sooooo badly. I'm soooo glad that Hydrology and Principles of Economics are done. They are do-able but still the papers were very tough. I'm just trying to stay as positive as I can even though I had a short panic attack during Hydro just now. I nearly fainted...and I thought I wasn't able to finish the paper!
But I did. Alhamdulillah...I never like to leave a question blank....
Now, deciding whether to mug for Environmental Processes. Next week is the most critical week for me. 3 papers straight... After that, I'm gonna enjoy to my heart's desire before starting on Tech Comm....
Hmmm...he's coming back tonight...actually I think he's on his way back to the mainland now..
Not mugging tonight. Mentally exhausted....will continue with my revision tomorrow morning...
Anyway...i love to stare at this photo very much.. This photo was taken before he got enlisted into the army. We were "picnicking" by the canal in our neighbourhood.
I'm high on POE rite now... Tomorrow is the paper... My very first paper for this semester. I have the jitters but hopefully, I will manage to pull through. I must score at least 60% in order to pass this whole module...
Gosh....
Anyway, I miss him. I miss him the minute we said goodbye on Sunday.
Here's something that I picked out from JM's blog. It applies to me too and it somehow define's LOVE.
"All i know is loving someone makes u wanna do something for him.. sacrifice anything for him.. you pray for his safety when he's away.. you're happy when he's happy, it pains you when you see him sad.. you think of him every moment.. you mention to every of yr friends bout him.. you feel proud in everything he does.. you smile when you see his photo... you'll keep all his msgs.. you rem each and every word he says.. you don't lie to him, not even a single lie.. he's de one and only one who'll be able to cheer you up when you're down (even yr bestest friends can't do that, no matter how hard they try)... you don't get angry at all no matter what he does.. you'll only get upset and disappointed.. you're sensitive to what he says.. "
If that's too much...then define for me how simple is love....
Hmmm....I'm struggling with Hydrology now. Understanding the concept is okay but not applying it. Gonna continue again once I finish blogging here.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon, went to meet my dearest for lunch at Yew Tee. I was happy to see him only that like always, I didn't show. We both had fish and chips with jasmine green tea. We never had the exact same meal before. I just love to be with him. It's great to be back in his arms again after 2 weeks of his absence. Lol...tat sounds weird...but really...I do feel that way...
He's away again for the fifth week. For me, it's the examination period.....it hasn't even start yet but I'm dying here....
It will be a very long day for me later. Gonna study Hydro for the whole day, meeting him for lunch and there's this gathering at Tanglin Halt...again...
Look at the time now. I'm still wide awake. Just finished studying microeconomics for POE and I'm left with 6 of its tutorials plus the macroeconomics part and another 6 of its tutorials. Will continue later when I wake up again.
See....don't ever think that being an undergrad is easy. Getting just that "piece of paper" is through hardwork but worth it for the future. Oh well, time management is the most important factor here...
Hmm...anyways, just now, I chatted with him like for almost half and hour. The longest that we've ever chatted. Imagine, if we chat on the phone like we chat online, it would take hours. Haha...kidding. Well, we used to be friends and friends can talk about everything under the sun. I still think that our friendship creates the base of our relationship. Being more than friends just involves the addition of extra special feelings and treatment. He's my love and I can't help but to say that. He has met my parents unofficially as he just came by to pick me up and imagine, if I were to meet his parents. Will I still be able to remain composed even when I'm nervous???
Something happened today. I was studying for Microbio while watching "She Spies" on tv. It was almost 6pm and guess what, out of the blue, tears started to flow down my cheeks. Then, my mind start to "Ka-ching, Ka-Ching", images of me and him and the times we spent together, appeared.
I just cried. For 10 minutes. I miss him. Very much. Those times when I claimed that I was numb about his absence, actually I was just trying to sink myself into my schoolwork. I took a deep breath before I stopped studying Microbio cause I think I had enough and stopped crying. Felt better after pouring out...even though nobody was there to console me.
It's rather embarassing cause I suddenly got so emotional. I told him about it after that. And he called me during light's out. I felt much much better after hearing his voice and that he understood how I felt, even though he thought that I was watching a sappy romance movie in the first place.
Although we chatted on the phone a few nights ago and on Sunday before he book in, it's his presence that I miss most. It shocked me that I cried and all because I actually miss him... How can I be that emotional and crazy?
I just love simplicity...so it's back to all-black..
Can't help but blog something...
I just love him to bits.... I'm glad that he's trying his best and also learning to be more sensitive towards our relationship. At least I feel more relaxed now that he' will soon be the one taking over the relationship and that I feel more secured.
I just want to be pampered with love by the guy I love...
When the past came crashing back at me, I only have Miss Ho to talk to about it. It seemed that it's a rather bad idea to pour it to him.
I just don't understand why but people don't understand how I felt. I mean I kept it to myself all those years. It hurts to see other girls with him during those years but well, still, I prefer to keep mum about it. I smiled thinking of the good memories. There were lies, you know, to cover up my deepest and darkest secret. I somehow lied to him about something that time, but well, it turned out to be a scandal but what-the-hell, I'm just trying to protect my secret.
I'm glad that I got to know him as just a friend, then and now, more than a friend. We were totally the opposites last time, and probably we still do have our differences now. I love to have fun and most of the time, I will drag him into it. Him, on the other hand, is the more serious type of person but he's fun too. I prefer to explore and do different stuffs whereas he prefers to stick to his interest. I'm always imposing myself onto problems whereas he shys away from them. And, I won't deny it but I'm wearing the pants in the relationship while he's wearing the skirt. LoL.... Well, we do have our similaraties, especially in our thinking, which is why we seldom have issues about stuffs.
I feel totally different for him unlike how I felt for the "Yellow-minded T-Rex" or the "Egoistic Jerk". I guess it's called "Love". He changed my life and I never thought of being with any other guy, ever. I'll learn to move on from the past although I'll never forget it. In the end, after being hit by the past, I'm still proud to say that I'm with him. Oh well, I still have yet to ask him the question.
Hmmm....so much of him and the past. Flashbacks are temporarily gone for now.
Thought of studying for Hydrology tonight, but I'm still exhausted. Fortunately, I did finish Surface runoff just now and will continue with the major topic tomorrow. Anyway, hopefully, I'll be able to meet him tomorrow...unless I can actually go without him for another week...
Then, I tried to replace it with a newer version of it. Unfortunately, he said that he prefers the previous one...
A few days ago, I made an updated version of the first one. It's rather empty cause we have yet to take photos together recently. We looked better together in this collage rather than the first one.....*smiles* That's because the first collage consists of photos taken during our first year together and there were photos of our few first dates whereas for this collage, our relationship has matured a lil bit...a teeny-weeny bit...hehe. JUST kidding-lah...
Feel free to upload them into your comps...;)
And last but not least, I love this dorky and wonderful guy, Hatta, who made my life complete...... hehehe...
Not mugging tonight. Mentally exhausted....will continue with my revision tomorrow morning...
This is what I do everyday. Multi-task. The tv, the lappy and notez...