ignorance.is.a.feminine.virtue

A change

2007-01-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

2006 went and here comes 2007....

Let's leave all the words, experiences and whatever else from the past 3 years here and start afresh elsewhere...

When I started reading my cousin's blog, I like how organized her blog is....

So....I've moved here....

Update your link-ups and bookmark of my blog aite!!

Year 2007 Resolutions

2006-12-30T23:04:00.000+08:00

So, I'm done with MNG for this season. Yesterday was my last day there. Going back there to only collect my pay, next year.

Alhamdulillah...I made it through the semester again. I think this semester, I did better than my last two semesters. I'm finally promoted to FINAL year....WHEEE!!!!!! Soon enough, I'll be on the road of life....
Anyway, here's how my results look like:

Structure Design (CV3203): D
Water Supply Engineering (EN3502): C
Wastewater Engineering (EN3503): D+
Solid Waste Engineering (EN3504): B-
Geo-environmental Engineering (EN3505): B
Hydraulics (EN3601): C+

Well, 2006 comes to an end tomorrow and 2007 depicts a brand new year for all of us. A brand new year means new resolutions. As usual, I've set some resolutions for myself, but this time, I've reduced the amount of resolutions as things are going to be more complicated than before. So here goes:

1. I'll learn to save as much money as I can for future use. I'm currently labelled as a spendthrift and also an irrational shopper.
2. To obtain my driving license within a year.
3. To improve on my grades and work towards a degree with honors.
4. To strengthen the bond of love between me and my dearessssst as we work towards our 3rd year of being together-gether. He knows I lurrrrrrvvee him very very the much....hehehe....
5. The most important thing is for me to start learning and thinking like a wise adult rather than taking everything in life for granted. In life, there's no "free lunch".
6. To accept whatever He has planned for me in life.....

I'm happy that a year of hopes and dreams come true has come to an end while a new year with new hopes and dreams is about to start....

I'm going to be out of the country till next Tuesday. I'm going to miss particularly my cats whom have been seeking for my love and attention everyday. I'm definitely going to miss my dearest cause I'll not be hearing from him for a few days. But this time, I'm not so worried about that cause I know that he's not going to be miles and miles away from me. He's actually going to be within the same country as me. Hehehehe......who knows kalau ader jodoh...kiter jumpa kat saner...I'll be so damn happy and glad to be with you there...Hahahaha....

Well, I'll end my entry for today here. I just want to wish all my Muslim readers and friends Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. And also Happy New Year to everybody!!!!

a good day

2006-12-26T21:35:00.000+08:00

2 more days before I end my ad-hoc job at MNG for this season. Not really sure whether I'm going there again next season...but if I'm in need of ka-ching ka-ching ($$$) then, I'll go back.

Anyway, last Sunday, before I start work at 3pm, I was out with my dearest since morning. We went to Orchard to just spend time together and have lunch. First, we headed to MNG to purchase part of my reservations there and then, we walked around to find a suitable place to have lunch. In the end, I suggested that we eat at Thai Express at Paragon. I had Sweet Sour Fish whereas he had Pineapple Rice.

His (Pineapple Rice)

Mine (Sweet Sour Fish)

After that, we walked around to look for something that he's looking for and in the end, we headed to the top floor of Wisma Atria. We sat there for a while to enjoy the peacefulness away from the crowd. We talked, did a word search puzzle and then, we took photos together....

It's been rather quite some time ever since we spend real time together. I've got a plan for us.. Hmm...perhaps early next year, when I received my pay, we'll both go to Vivo City together. We can shop as well as watch a movie together...hehehe....

2 more days before I get my examination results. The day that I've been waiting for, for quite some time. I dreamt that I got straight F's on my results slip. I'm pretty worried now.... *sighs*

Year 2006 Summary

2006-12-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

The fact is that I just reached home from work. Tiring day. My waist hurts so badly. The thingis that instead of working till on Sunday, I've gotta work till next Friday. Very sian but it's rezeki, I don't want to reject it.

Anyway, Year 2006 is coming to an end soon. I'm pretty late in blogging an entry to summarize my year cause of my busy-ness. I've yet to set proper new year resolutions for year 2007 cause I can't really think of any but well, here goes the summary first.

Year 2006 becomes a stepping stone for me to adulthood. I turn 21 on this year and honestly, I don't even feel like an adult. I have a legal ticket to R(A) movies, but I have yet to receive
the key to my freedom. They said that the only key that I'm going to get is the key to my HDB flat which means that marriage is the only key to my freedom. But I don't want my marriage to be due to the wrong reasons. I want freedom as in not being tied down by heavy responsibilities and duties. I don't want to be controlled and high expectations are being set on me.

Therefore, this whole year, I've been emotionally tormented. Sort of actually. I had heated arguments with my parents many times but in the end, I apologized. I've been seeking for their understanding and been running away from their overprotection until to the point that I wanted to run away from home. Thank God for my wisdom, if not, I won't be here blogging. I just don't want to be a child anymore. I just want my freedom.

Well, physically, I managed to maintain my weight, even though I binge quite a bit whenever I'm stressed up. I also started wearing make-up. I learn how to put on moisturizer, then concealer, then foundation, then blusher, then eye-liner and lastly mascara. For your information, I import most of my cosmetics. I also learn how to take care of my hair cause I intend to grow it longer and therefore, I have to keep it healthy. So, I apply olive oil to it like for almost every night to ensure that it's moisturized. Basically, this year I learn how to take care of myself physically and it's hard work lah...especially the maintaining part....

In terms of studies, I've always tried my best-est. Giving up is never a choice. Although my results are not as good as during my poly days, but Alhamdulillah, berkat doa ibu and all my hardwork, I managed to pull through my 1st year in NTU.

The only HUGE achievement for me this year involves my relationship with my ever-so-sweet boyfriend. The year started pretty rough for us. We did celebrate our second V-Day together but then, he disappoint me with his absence at my birthday party. I remembered how much I wanted him to come, but he never showed up. Instead, I had to lie for his sake. Well, in the end I did forgive him but I'll never forget. We spent as much time together as we can before he got enlisted into the army in March. The day before he got enlisted, it felt like as if my whole world is going to crumble down without his presence and all.

I really did feel that way. I cried but not in front of him. That's when the bond started to form between us. Before that day, this special bond has never been there or there was lah but not as strong. After that day, sooooooooooooo many things started to change between us. For the first time in my whole life, I never felt the way I do. I'm in love but not only that, I'm happy. Trust me, I've been in love before but the other guys do not make me happy.

Anyway, the distance between us has made us become closer than ever. Till now, the special bond, called LOVE, is becoming stronger between us. Our relationship is not only the lovey-dovey stuffs which leads to ultimate perfection. We had a lot of arguments, misunderstandings and quarrels this year. This is an important part of building a relationship. A part whereby we learn to understand each other. We also turned 2 this year and we met each other's parents too. Aiyah...for me once only...not so stressed...hahahaha.....

This achievement has made me pretty proud of us. I hope one day, the distance between us will close and that we will have all the time in the world for each other, if you know what I mean. Hahaha...I'm willing to wait for the happiness that I seeked.

Well, he's been an important part in my life right now. I don't care what other people think...for him, I would do anything....

To end my summary, Year 2006 wasn't really a sucky year for me. I got mostly what I want and I own everything. What more can I ask....Alhamdulillah....my rezeki bertambah with each passing day....

recharged

2006-12-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

Finally, I have time and energy to blog a proper entry.

The past whole week has been an endless and long week as I worked my ass off, night and day. Been reaching home at midnight like for every night and I only get to have a proper meal after midnight. Can you imagine me working for 7 days straight without proper rest and all???

I guess it's all for the money. They pay good money.

Anyway, for your information, especially for shopaholics like me, MNG sale is halfway through and Guess sale has just begun. Coming up is Zara and TopShop sales. For MNG, don't miss it's second markdown at the end of the year. I reserved some stuffs from MNG, as per usual and I'm going for Zara's sale only. For now, I've got online shopping in my mind only, to buy lingerie, some nice tops and to replenish my cosmetics. Hehehehe.....

I know that people are waiting to get a slice of my cake. Can you all stop bugging me???
**************************

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

No.
Explanations.

Not. As. Easy. As. You. Might. Think.

1. Yourself?
- Fat

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Sweet

3. Your hair?
- Long

4. Your mother?:
- Busy

5. Your father?
- Slacking

6. Your Favorite Item:
- Handphone

7. Your dream last night:
- NO

8. Your Favorite drink:?
- tea

9. Your Dream Car:
- VW

10. The room you are in:
- mine

11. Your Ex:
- Gone

12. Your fear?
- Failure

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
- Mother

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
- Zufi

15. What You’re Not?
- Beautiful

16. Muffins:
- Chocolate

17: One of Your Wish List Items:
- Happiness

18: Time
- 2257hrs

19. The Last Thing You Did:
- TV

20. What You Are Wearing:
- PJ

21. Your Favorite Weather:
- Rainy

22. Your Favorite Book:
- Romance

23. The last thing you ate:
- Peanuts

24. Your LiFE:
- Complicated

25. Your Mood:
- Exhausted

26. Your friends:
- Shopaholics

27. What are you thinking about right now?
- Him

28. single or taken?
- Taken

29. What are you doing at the moment?
- this

30. Your summer?
- Studying

31. Your relationship status:
- Attached

32. What is on tv?
- Cold Case

33. What is the weather like?
- Rainy

34. When is the last time you laughed??
- Today

35. Hurt?
- Nopez
***********************
I miss my boyfriend. I miss my sweetheart. I miss my lover. I miss my dearest. I miss my Hatta. Can't wait to be with him again...hehehe....

And I have Year 2007 Resolutions to make....time for something new....

messy life

2006-12-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

I just feel sad for myself...

My life is in a mess...

And I'm falling sick...

an imbalance

2006-12-15T00:34:00.000+08:00

Now, I'm practically picking on my kuay teow kuah. One of the reasons is that...I have to filter as much mutton from my system as possible and the second reason is that, I'm exhausted.

So, I've been working my ass off. And yes, my ass is really hurting. So does my arms and my feet. Can you imagine...I started working only 5 days after the exams were over.... I'm at the brink of quitting after Christmas Day. The money is pretty good and well, I guess after working for merely 12 days, to support me and the 2 kitties, I think it's enough.

I need to rest cause I've yet to get over the emotional turmoil I was in during the examination period.

You know, above work...although I'm currently busy working and all, it doesn't change the fact that it pains me everytime, I think about him. I don't know when will be the next time we will be able to spend ample time together, or even have a long talk on the phone. It becomes something that worries me, a lot. You might say that it's nothing but the time we spend together is decreasing day by day as we get busier in our own lives. It will turn out to become a problem soon.

I thought it will become easier for us as the years pass by but I never thought that our honeymoon period is over so soon. Now, it seems that he's been sleeping too much and I've been losing too much sleep.

Breakfast later with him before work...like always...can't wait....

a day for him

2006-12-10T23:53:00.000+08:00

Today, my dearest finally turned 21, alongside with his twin brother and Taufik Batisah! Hehehe.....

So, we actually planned to spend time together. Last Friday, we actually encountered some problems about our date today. We were practically stuck in the middle and I actually gave up figuring out a solution for the problems, so I pushed everything to him. All I can do is pray that we will be able to be together today.

And so, he finally found a solution and we spent a quarter of the day together. We went to Orchard to just walk around and have dinner. The plan was to try the food at Ramen 10 at Far East Plaza but in the end, we went to an Indonesian Restaurant at Lucky Plaza to try the famous Ayam Penyet. It's pretty delicious for a simple kampung dish and the chilli was so damn overpowering!! I simply love this traditional Javanese type of dish.

After dinner, I wasn't full enough and I told him that we should try another famous delicacy in town, which is the Fried Mars Bars, at Far East Plaza. It was so damn sinful, man!! If you are on a diet, don't even think of trying this...

Well, at the end of the day, he went home with the gifts that I got for him. One is a special gift cause I would never give it to just any other guys and the other one is just a normal birthday gift, plus our thicker scrapbook. I'm glad that he likes what I gave him...hehehehe

Well, he just turned 21 and in 2 months time, I'm turning 22. He still owe me a proper birthday celebration because he didn't turn up for my party 10 months ago. Hmmm....we'll see.....

Today, also, is a special day for one of my oldest friends. Congratulations Hafizah on your engagement. Too bad I wasn't invited...=( (Apedah...)

P.S I know there isn't any proper photo of me and him on this day. So sad....

a lifetime

2006-12-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

Being a woman isn't an easy task...

It's a lifetime of pure misery...

It gets tougher as we grow older...

And it get's harder to stay strong...

updates!!

2006-12-06T14:19:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've regained the mood to blog again. So many things have happened ever since the exams were over.

On the Friday itself, after our Solid Waste paper, the 7 of us, consisting of me, Denise, Zhaowei, Aisyah, Suria, Jieli and Nadia, all went to Vivo City. It was our very first time setting foot inside that shopping mall. We had lunch at Thai Express. I had softshell crab with curry and rice. It was pretty delicious during the first few mouthfuls....and it got more bland as the more I ate...

After lunch, the 7 of us went from 1 boutique to another until all of us became very exhausted. One thing that prevented me from spending there, is the HUGE pricetag, and I'm not willing to part with that much money.

Well, after the exams, it's time that I start playing and guess what....I've been playing a BOY'S computer game. I've been racing cars on "Need for Speed Underground, Most Wanted". So far, I've challenged races with 6 of my rivals. SO nice to play...hehehe...and in there, I owned a dark blue Porsche and a red Mitsubishi Lancer.

Anyway, 2 days ago, I found out where I'm being posted for my upcoming industrial attachment. I'm being posted at CPG Laboratories Pte Ltd at Stadium Lane. The pros of being posted there is that my dad is working nearby at Bendemeer which means that I could save up on the transport fees and not forgetting, I can go lunch without paying for my own food. Hehehehehehehe.....and another pro is that I have Jieli and Stephanie as my company there. The cons is that it has nothing to do with Environmental Engineering and it's dealing with something which I don't really like to do. It's more towards Civil Engineering and everybody knows how much I hate that field....but haizz.....let's just be grateful and try to learn new things.

Yesterday, I went out shopping alone. The purpose of shopping is to get a birthday gift for my dearest. I wasn't actually sure what to get him before, until a brilliant idea strucked me the night before. Hehehe...a surprise is awaiting him....

Lastly, tomorrow I start work. I'm back at MNG Isetan Orchard as an ad-hoc. I need some extra cash for this vacation before I start my attachment on January next year. I'm back to working hard even though it has only been a few days since the exams ended...

Hmm...and I miss him badly...let's all pray that I'm able to meet him during his birthday... Cause now, meeting him becomes the toughest thing to do and I'm already in a pool of uncertainty. Oh God, please help me, I need my life back...!!

air of freedom

2006-12-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Smell the air of freedom.....

*sniff sniff*

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!! NO MORE EXAMS FOR ANOTHER HALF A YEAR!!!!

YIPEEEEE!!!!!

if i could....

2006-11-30T00:06:00.000+08:00

Finally, I found this somewhere....

"If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
To the sound of your breath on my neck,
The warmth of your lips on my cheek,
The touch of your fingers on my skin,
And the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you."
- Courtney Kuchta

If only words are easy to be placed into action.....

ending soon

2006-11-28T17:29:00.000+08:00

I've been in the school library since 11-plus in the morning just now. I'm not alone here in the library. I have a very good company here with me. Hehehe....*wink wink* Anyway, tomorrow is my second last paper for the exams. I don't really know what to expect after going through the toughest paper of all....

Last night's paper was a killer even though it's an open-book exam. It was so damn tough that I could see my fingernails turning purple and the urgency to go to the toilet. I hope I'll at least pass that module.

Well, 4 more days to ultimate freedom, or should I say temporal freedom....hmmm....

all in love is fair

2006-11-24T15:16:00.000+08:00

I question myself...is all in love fair? Well, all relationships are not perfect but we will always try our best to make everything perfect. I felt really stupid, always being there for him, and him not for me. I felt that it was so unfair for him to be selfish. I thought in a relationship, we should both be fair to each other and that we should care for each other constantly.

There were times when he gave me the impression, "Hey, I'm stressed-up, I can't help you." For me, most of the time, I understand that impression and never did I ever complain or add in more of the stress into him. Instead, I would rather ask him what happened and somehow, try to cheer him up. Today, I start to complain cause I was feeling really stupid. The fact that he get what he needs and I never got mine, is what really makes me feel so dumb.

I was at the point of depression before the exams started. I was alone, battling with my own emotions and at the same time, studying for the exams. The pressure inside me was too much. Nobody knew, not even him. I suffered in silence. I even planned to run away from home. Run away from all my problems, from everybody who makes me miserable. I had the perfect place in mind to find my own peace. But Thank Allah, I kept my faith strong. I managed to come to my senses and now, I'm already halfway through the exams.

He on the other hand, doesn't know anything. I kept my silence because I don't want to appear as weak to him and that I don't want to be a burden to him. I don't want him to see me with tears in my eyes. He found out after I start to bitch at him. Definitely I felt bad but I was sad because he wasn't there for me. When I need somebody to talk to, he just wasn't there for me. When I need somebody to hold on to, he just wasn't there for me.

The thing is that I never gave myself or him any excuses for not being there for him or even others. I always want him to stay happy, calm and patient, no matter what situation he's in. I don't mind him ranting his problems to me cause at least, he knows that I'm there for him as someone to talk to. For me, I've dealt my problems alone all these years. I think now I need someone as my emotional support as I go through different phases of my life...

I have yet to know how it feels like to have someone who's there for me constantly, who gladly pampers and loves me constantly. I know that it sounds like too much...but be proactive, man! You should know what a woman wants....

I hope he's reading this and I hope also, that he's not mad at me for posting this here...hehe....

problem-free days

2006-11-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

I'm halfway through the exams period. 3 more papers to go before ultimate freedom. Next week, I'm having Structure Design on Monday, Wastewater Eng on Wednesday and Solid Waste Eng on Friday. I have so much to catch up on Structure Design. Not an easy module even though it's an open book exam. I hope it's not going to be the worst paper.

Today, Geo-Env was the worst paper that I sat for so far. I was mentally exhausted at the end of the paper and I couldn't describe the despair I was in while doing the paper for the whole 2.5 hours. Now, I just have to pray hard that I would at least pass the paper.

Anyway, it feels good to catch up with really old friends, especially those whom I'm close to last time. Girl or guy, it doesn't matter cause we used to be of the same clique years and years ago. I'm so missing those problem-free days....

Lastly, I miss my dearest. =( I wonder what he's doing in camp now....

A Must-See

2006-11-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

I'm like mugging for Geo-Env now. My eyes hurt...but I'm not even done yet!! 10 more days to go before ultimate freedom...let's all suffer mentally for now....

Anyway, while mugging...like always, I have my entertainment. Here's all the must-see videos:

This is what I call sexy -- My Love by Justin Timberlake

Boy I got my eyes on you
Tell me what you wanna do
I can picture you in my room
Until the mornin
I don't even know your name
Boy I need to know your name
I'm hopin that you feel the same
Tell me if you want it

Another OH-SO-SEXY video -- Tell Me by P.Diddy feat Christina Aguilera

And lastly, PCD's new video feat. Timberland, with Wait A Minute

I'm hungry now....I guess I just have to sleep with a hungry stomach...

Ciaox!~

live in misery

2006-11-20T16:09:00.000+08:00

Been studying since 10plus in the morning. Tomorrow is my 2nd paper. Haiz...I've been stucked in my room ever since the exams started. I even have all my meals in my room now. I tried to take some time off yesterday, as a sort of a emotional booster for me before I carry on with the rest of my battles.

I was happy throughout the time I was with him yesterday. I even forgot all the stress which was building inside me due to the exams. I smell freedom. Unfortunately, when I got home, I felt so emotionally drained. I was being accused of wasting my time and not getting my priorities right. I was just taking time off to be happy for a while but in the end, instead of shedding away some of the stress, I became more stressed-up. I don't understand why I'm still not given the freedom to decide what I want to do and how I want to go about it.

You call me weak when I broke down but now when I'm trying to prevent myself from breaking down by making myself happy, you accused me of all those immature stuffs!!!! You always force me to do things which are against my will. You know, I'm suffocating!!! I should be given the freedom at this age but instead, you always brought shame to me....

Everybody's making me so miserable. This misery is killing me inside. At times, the stress inside me caused me to take it all out on my boyfriend. He became the victim of my misery and I'm so so so sorry about it. At least, my boyfriend has always been the one to bring me the happiness.

I just want the exams to be over soon, if not I swear I'll run away from home.

in too deep

2006-11-17T01:04:00.000+08:00

1 down, 5 more to go. Next week's paper are Hydraulics and Geo-Environmental. *sighs*

Anyway, you know, when I miss him, what I will normally do is to look at our photos. Browse through them and relive those moments. Somehow, it kept me happy although it's been almost 2 weeks since we've met! If it doesn't make me happy, it'll make me cranky, and he knows that too well. Hehehe....

I'm deep into the exams mood now. It's so hard to think about boyfriends now. Haha...but this weekend, I'm meeting him. Yay!

I'm off to bed now...bubbye!

sick and the exams

2006-11-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

Of all the times I could fall sick, I actually have to fall sick now, during the exam period. I'm down with the flu and I don't get enough sleep every night.

To makes things worst, tomorrow is my first paper. I'm at my wits end. I'm so so so nervous.

For your viewing pleasure....love this music at this period of time...

Come to me....

question me

2006-11-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

Is it wrong to remain faithful to that one person?

Oh man! You made me so confused!!

Keep my options open?

Oh man! They either leave me exhausted or sick to death!!

Now, I'm proud to say that I will always remain true to one.

Hehehe...sorry eh...

ups and downs

2006-11-13T00:22:00.000+08:00

So, I've read, public blogs are very superficial. You only read the good things, making life sounds so perfect when actually it isn't. Oh wells, I have to admit that it's true and most of the time, I always blog the good things that are happening. Who actually wants to post the "downs" of their life and let the whole world read, right...

Honestly, my fairytale isn't only a fairytale. The different phases of the relationship that a couple has to go through is never a fairytale. Someday, there'll be a "happily ever after", but for now, let's all suffer. Haha....in terms of studies, my grades suck. I pulled through every semester, but like the Malays say it, "just enough to eat" (cukup makan). My life at home, being the only daughter, isn't a life of pampering and luxury. Being the only daughter is equivalent to being a maid and being stepped on everytime. In short, my life do suck but I can't possibly complain like a spoilt teenager. I guess now, is my phase of growing up. Thinking on the bright side, I do live a life with everything, a family, my own room, my own pets, a loving boyfriend, a circle of friends, a bright future and so many other stuffs.

What's to complain? Let's just pretend that my life is a fairytale with a happy ending at the end...

Anyway, I'm pretty happy today. That's a lie. I started the day feeling upset but later, I felt better after pouring everything out. I'm happier cause I finally can socialize with my older cousins. That's a good sign. Now, I feel that I need to learn from real-life experiences, and just sit there and listen. I need more advice now, rather than to advise, especially on relationships. I don't share my relationship problems with others now cause I don't think there's a need to...but, I only want to know what's right or wrong.

All of us have our own problems. Maybe I'm being too mean to him. Or maybe I'm being too needy. I don't know. But I still love him....

left-brainer

2006-11-10T20:56:00.000+08:00

According to my last entry, I was pretty aware with the fact that I'm allergic to chicken and red meat. But then, when I start eating, I became very ignorant. I actually ate spaghetti at Cik Man's house and Mee Bakso at Cik Kiah's house last night and guess what, this morning, the breakout of rashes created a very "unsightly sight" on my body. And then, for dinner just now, I had a bowl of Yong Taufu...and guess what, I forgot that most of it is made up of chicken. Now, it's itchy all over.

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! My mom laughed at me when I said to her, "Can you imagine, I can't eat KFC for my whole life???" She said that the food has cursed me because I used to avoid them as I called them fattening food. It's like as if I'm asking for it. Oh God, I'm really suffering....

Anyway, I finally did some serious revision today. I catch up on the second part of Wastewater Engineering and I'm kinda loving it. Hehehe...I'm going through Solid Waste for the whole weekend and will only start on WaterSupply which happens to be my first paper, only on Monday.

I miss my dearest. Exactly a month to his 21st birthday. Hmm...I wonder whether there'll be any birthday party. Hehe...Anyway, end of the week means no date for this week and to make things worst, he's in camp for the weekend. Probably I could squeeze some time for him next week in the evening if he wants to meet and we can have dinner. Sighs...he sooo damn faraway now and whenever his home, I'm never near to him...

Oh wells, here's something that I did:

You Are Left Brained In Love

Cool and clearheaded
Tend not to get swept away
Dependable and trustworthy
Able to look at thing objectively
Honest and direct in relationships
Rely on standards when picking a man
Good at solving relationship problems
Ready to compete for your sweetie's heart
Articulate, a good conversationalist, and witty
Think overly romantic displays are a waste of time
A few serious boyfriends as opposed to many flings
Notice all of the details about your guy - good and bad

Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love?

I've always been a left-brainer. Hehe...never thought that I am too in a relationship.

P.S. I tak nak gaduh dengan dier...tapi kadang2 dier sakitkan hati I. Macam maner?

kehilangan nikmat

2006-11-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

I never thought that I would feel restricted with what I eat at such a young age. I never thought, in my whole life that I would be allergic to red meat and especially chicken. There's so many things that I love to eat that I can't eat anymore. KFC, chicken noodle, chicken rice, fried chicken wings, chicken chop, Canteen A's chicken briyani, MacD's chicken foldover, mee soto and sooo much more.

It became pretty frustrating as I have to choose what I eat carefully. The doctors can't help me neither could my parents. I feel like Allah has taken away a HUGE nikmat from me, at such a young age. I've got a feeling that it has something to do with my anemia. Something's wrong in my system which no doctor can treat. It has been 4 months and the rashes kept coming back. I was rushed to the doctor once but the doctor couldn't do anything.

I am very sad. I was replenishing my own blood to cure my anemia when this heavy restriction fall onto me. I just hope and pray that one day, Allah will give me back the nikmat. I can't possibly live without KFC my whole life....

a tour around...

2006-11-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

Well, today depicts my last day for this semester. I actually self-proclaimed it as my last day cause I'll be skipping school for the rest of the week. Hehehe...but for a good course...

I'll be starting my exams revision, full force, tomorrow. When I reached home from school today, I quickly begin to file my scattered notes and tutorials into their respective files so that I will have an easier time revising. My desk is so neat now. Hehehe...

You know, I really love my room. I used to be someone who doesn't like to clean my own room and my room is always dusty or dirty. Now, it's so different. It's like my very own haven. I became very organized ever since I realized that it's very hard to find my stuffs when it's scattered everywhere in my room and also, the dust in my room is so damn sickening. Yes, there's always the messy times which normally occur when I'm studying.

So how organized is organize? Above is the bed where I snooze, dream and drool every night. Haha....See the laptop on my bed? It's like my second laptop now, even though it belongs to my dad but it serves as a source of entertainment for me when there's nothing on the tv. Behind it is actually the "library". You can find any kind of books there. Baby books, comics, reader's digest, encyclopedia, romance novels, bookworm books, fairytales and whatsoever. The other cupboard serves as a gift cupboard whereby I'll store the gifts that he gave me as well as gifts that other people gave me. The racks serve as a place where I could place the remote controls and my handphone.

Then, at my desk, it's mainly my working area. My textbooks are placed in the cupboard and my files are properly aligned according to it's respective modules. There's also the noticeboard and the Cat calendar to remind me of special events or important dates.

On the same desk, at the other corner, I placed my drinking cups, 1 for hot drink, the other for cold drink. Ahhh...yess....some people might be wondering why I place my cups in my bedroom. That's because I don't share and I don't like unidentified people to ever use my cups. It's like sooo jijik. There's also a basket of unused toiletries, a bottle of orange peel and also my medication.

A place where no woman can live without. A dressing table. Hehehe....it's where I placed most of my accessories, make-up sets, perfume, moisturizers, make-up remover and all those girly stuffs here.

A corner of my room where I placed my laundry basket, a tupperware of tidbits which is currently empty except for a packet of M&Ms and 2 packets of cat food. Ahh yes...my room is not only a pleasant place for me, it's also a pleasant place for my cats to eat, play and sleep. The scratching post was a gift for me to Zufi for his good behavior. I still remembered the glimmer in his eyes when I brought it home. Hehehe....

This is the part of my room which I'm proud of the most. It's like a mini living-room in my bedroom. It's where I spend most of the time whenever I'm in my room. Obviously I watch the tv here, I have my teabreak here like for almost everyday, I fall asleep here in the middle of studying and I skype here. I only skype with my dearest. For those who doesn't know what in the hell is skyping, it's a much higher technology than the traditional phone. We communicate via the computer and we can do that for hours. A fun thing to do...although it's rather stupid to talk to the computer...hehehehe...

Well, that's a tour of my room. Now you know why I love my bedroom so much....

our first...

2006-11-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

I had a very fun day on Sunday. My very first Hari Raya spent with the one I love most, after 2 whole years! We were both dressed in our traditional Malay clothes and we decided to wear beige-brown. One good thing was that I didn't have to move around on my heels and take public transport because he drove to our destinations! Thank God his dad offered us to use his car on that day, if not my legs would have turned wobbly by now.

But anyway, we started the day by going to Marsiling, to my friend's house and waited for the arrival of her boyfriend. After that, only the both of us went to Airin's, our secondary school friend, open house. It was pretty grand for a Hari Raya open house cause it's being held at the multi-purpose hall and a professional + celebrity DJ was being invited. The malu part was that we were being "interviewed" by the DJ. The questions he posed was pretty embarrassing to me because I'm not used to those type of questions. And thank God again, Hatta did all the talking while I had a very difficult time swallowing my food. Hehehehe.....

After that, we headed to my house and waited for the arrival of the other couple there. As my dearest has gotten used to meeting my family, it wasn't a problem for him to stay at my house, even for an hour. Took some photos there too. As my house and his house are very near to each other, we went to his house next. And that's the part which was so damn interesting for me.

Truthfully speaking, I was pretty nervous. You know, it's my very first time meeting his parents and coming to his house. I could barely speak, so I might as well keep quiet and I just smile here, smile there. His parents were pretty casual and friendly. They are not as conservative as he said they were. I actually made a presence in the kitchen and offerred to help his mom. Wahahahah....a good move, he said but you should have heard my heart "ping pong-ing" inside. Hehehehe....

Well, it was a good experience for me except for the fact that I spilled soup on the table and my bottom. Oops....!! Hehe...a sweet memory indeed cause I'll never forget that part. It gave me a good first impression and I hope I'm never going to be afraid again cause the next time, my friend won't be there to accompany plus inspire me again.

Lastly, we went to Clementi to my friend's boyfriend's house and then we parted. The day began well and ended well. Me and my friend agreed that we both had fun and if it wouldn't for me, she would not have been with us. He He...only the both of us know.....

The day ended too fast. The exams are next week and I have an upcoming quiz tomorrow. My dearest is back to work and he's suffering all the time. NS-life...I'll never understand. All I can do is to be there for him when he needs me cause no matter how busy we are in our lives, I'll always be standing beside him. And I'm glad that he is too....cause at this time of our lives, we need each other the most.

When he's happy, I'm happy. When he's sad, I'm sad. When he's angry, I'm angry. When he's in pain, I'm in pain too. It's just a feeling that naturally comes to me. From just merely words, I could feel it. I don't know why, but I know that I'll always love him, no matter what may come.

At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close—at last—at last!
Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,—
But you, dear heart, you love me now.

Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,—
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,—
Though fled is every girlish grace
Might win or hold a lover's vow,
Despite my sad and faded face,
And darkened heart, you love me now!

I count no more my wasted tears;
They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
May bring to burden heart or brow,—
Strong in the love that came so late,
Our souls shall keep it always now!

- Elizabeth Akers Allen

exams!!!!!!

2006-11-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

Exams are very very near right now. I'm starting to binge. Quite a lot of binging. I'm seriously gaining weight but the only excuse I gave myself is that, it's food for the brain. Hehehe...

While the exam period is coming, I'm missing so many things. So many things that I want to do in such a short period of time. All I can do is to dream of all those things only and furthermore, the boyfriend is too busy to layan my kerena.

Oh wells, I'm meeting his parents tomorrow.......

pre-exam symptoms

2006-11-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

Hari Raya this year is no different from last year's. I stayed at home for the whole week to study. Pretty miserable, especially when quizzes start to flow in and before I know it, it's already the exams. My quiz results have been very pathetic. Even failed one. I don't even know whether I'll be able to make it through this semester. I don't even know what to expect.

All I can do is to stay positive and to try my best.

Anyway, this year, no Hari Raya outing for the girls cause all of us are pretty stressed out by the exams. However, I managed to squeeze some time to celebrate it with my dearest and also with another couple, this Sunday. My first time meeting his parents and our first time celebrating it together this year. I have cold feet, but I'm pretty excited!! =D

Someone complained that my blog is always about him, him and him. You know, I lead a very boring life and the only spice I have in my life is him. Oh wells, what can I say, some people don't understand what it's like to be really in love. Hehehe....

Well, the boyfriend has been very very faraway ever since he booked in on Tuesday. I rarely hear from him anymore and also I never complained when we didn't really communicate for the past week. It became pretty lonely as I wait for him each day. But then, I've always stayed strong for myself and I'll always remind myself that I have to prioritize my studies and not let my emotions get in the way. *sighs*

I'm all stressed up in many-many ways. I vented all the stress through retail therapy and guess what, I spent almost 100 bucks within 2 days. It feels good actually. Other than that, I'm losing my sleep. I stayed up, 3 nights in a row to study and the puffiness of my eyes is very very visible right now, even my concealer doesn't have the power to conceal it.

I want the exams to end as fast as it can before I burst!!

a woman like me

2006-10-31T20:54:00.000+08:00

I went shopping alone yesterday. Bought a new perfume, a limited edition Estolia, and a new pair of heels from DMK. I wasn't conscious about how much I was spending, but at least it felt good. I also got my new handphone, SE W700i. I love it very much.....didn't trade in my SE Z600 as it is full of sweet memories. Hehehe....

I'm materialistically complete now.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty upset right now. You know, I hate being an undergrad and I hate being the only daughter of the family. People place high expectations on me. I know I've always been the ugly duckling and never the candy in others' eyes, ever since I was very young. I've always been compared to others. I have to obey all the rules and I'm always to blame if anything went wrong.

You know, I've tried my best in fulfilling all their expectations. It was never enough. Being a woman is really a very tough job. Our responsibilities weigh a tonne. I'm not ready for such heavy responsibilities. I'm still finding my way in life and I need time to find myself.

Time will tell everything.

And at times, I question myself, will he ever be there for me when I need him most? I've always get the impression that my problem is my problem and never his. Although I could solve most of the problems myself, I wish I'm never that independent. And that's also the reason why I always keep to myself, my thoughts, my feelings and my problems, cause I don't have anyone to share it with.

missing

2006-10-31T00:40:00.000+08:00

I could really feel it....

I already miss my dearest.

dead

2006-10-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

As we came face to face with each other, eyes locked, I could feel the deadness of everything. There wasn't a twinge of feeling for him, anymore. No place for him in my life anymore.

The used-to-be empty space in my heart is being occupied by someone who deserved it more.

It felt good actually and it made me feel wiser.

Alhamdulillah, life for me has never been better.

love, success and happiness

2006-10-30T00:59:00.000+08:00

awaiting the arrival of.........

2006-10-30T00:49:00.000+08:00

ubat kemalasan - GAGAL

2006-10-27T11:20:00.000+08:00

Yupz, the Malays will understand the title of this entry.

I just saw my Water Supply Results for yesterday's quiz. I deserve that mark cause I didn't take the quiz seriously and I didn't really study for it the day before.

I feel so numb right now. I better start my engine before things really start cocking up....

it doesn't matter

2006-10-26T23:40:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've got some time to update. After a hectic couple of days, I finally feel settled and content. First things first, exams are in less than 3 weeks time and I'm drowning to the bottom of the ocean already. I'm just not ready for that huge huge hurdle that I have to overcome, but well, somehow or another, I have to get over it, right.....

Anyway, today, I finally get to be with my dearest after almost THREE weeks. He came to my school, sat-in in 1 of my lectures, ate lunch with me and lastly, went jalan-jalan with me. And guess what....I'm meeting his parents next week!!!! *heart thudds loudly* Oh wells, I have to do it anyway, somehow or another. We have been together for 2 whole years and I feel secured being with him. So, I'm willing to meet his parents...Haha.... He has met mine many-many times, now it's my turn!

Our relationship has been pretty low profile, family-wise, but very high-profile, friends-wise. Like he said, on his side of the family, our relationship is like buried underground whereas on my side, it's on a pretty low profile. Unlike my bro whose relationship is like OH-SO high profile, ours is still in wraps. I don't really like the elders to keep asking me about my Mat-Tahir cause it's not that I'm not proud about being with him, but it's just that, what's there to show off? I'm happy that at least my parents know and that they accept my choice. For now, I guess, that's all there is to it.

Above is a photo that we took in 179 on our way out of NTU. No wonder I don't get tempted by other guys, my dearest has always been my temptation......LOL LOL LOL

Salam Lebaran

2006-10-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya kepada sahabat-handai ku yang sangat-sangat rajin membaca blog aku ini. Sempena hari yang mulia ini, Liyana mahu menyusun supuluh jari, memohon maaf, adainya Liyana ada tersilap kata atau terkasar bahasa. Semoga kamu semua bergembira pada hari ini di samping keluarga dan yang tersayang. *sniff sniff* Terkenang aku kepada si dia....yang jauh dimata tetapi tetap dekat di hati....

Liyana sempat jugak ambil gambar warni-warni Aidilfitri di Geylang dan juga di Kampung Glam pada malam Hari Raya ini.

ehem...melawa ajer...hehe

Kepada abangku yang tersayang, hehehe, I tak sabar untuk bertemu dengan you lagi...lurpe samer you....hehehehehe...

(P.S. Tak sangka Melayu aku ni masih boleh pakai...hehe)

sick and sianzation

2006-10-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

I'm currently in the school library. Printing notes for the whole week.

I'm SICK. Been running the flu ever since last night and I couldn't get to sleep the whole night!

What the hell I'm doing in school?

Don't ask me...I'm not supposed to be in school right now but people asked me to come. So, I came and I wasted my time here in school, with a head which is going to burst anytime soon.

And today is Hari Raya eve.

I should be at home for spring cleaning.

In the first place, I shouldn't come to school at all....

a day to aidilfitri

2006-10-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

I just did some spring cleaning to my room. Changed the bedsheets and made the whole room smell like jasmine. It's as clean and neat like the time before I start school. I love my room. Hehe!~

A day more before Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I'm pretty excited about it actually cause we are going out on the first day of raya when we usually didn't, ever since my granddad passed away, 5 years ago.

But anyway, below is a video. It somehow serves as a reminder to us about how important family is. Enjoy!~

when i hate sumting...

2006-10-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'm currently thinking of what I'm going to wear to school tomorrow. I'm getting bored with what I have in my wardrobe. Perhaps I should go for some shopping soon? Hehehe...

Well well well, I've been studying. But HONESTLY, I hate Geo-Environmental Eng. Define for me the word EASY. Dammit...I just can't get that module but well, I'm trying my best....

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was this EARLY morning, around 4-plus. I couldn't even remember what I replied to his message cause I was half-asleep while typing. Hehehe.... He made me miss him. Although we are separated by the distance between us, he's always near to my heart. I'm just going to look forward to spending time with him. Dear, I want to go out!! I need to have some fun before I get tied down by the exams!!!!!!!!

*sighs*

Another school day tomorrow....but I'm skipping the first lecture of the day cause it happens to be Geo-Env Eng...

i miss my love...

2006-10-16T23:53:00.000+08:00

While I'm typing this, I'm thinking of him. The last time I heard from him was this morning, on my way to school, when he told me that he's reaching Tekong's jetty soon. Oh yes, he's back there again but thank God, it's only for 4 days!! It's been more than a week since we've met and it's been a very long time ever since we've spent proper time together.

It's been a month and I miss the times we've spent together. Our morning breakfasts, watching movies together, our bowling games, even golfing together and you know, just spend time together, in each other's company, alone, with nobody getting in our way. With him, I can relax and breathe my own air, my own life and enjoy every second of his company. With him, I feel safe, problem-free and the happiest woman on earth, even though I never showed it before... Hehehe... I love him and I know that he knows that...

Oh wells, I've been occupying myself with my studies, so that I don't think of him so much. I finally "touched" my Geo-Environmental Engineering notes and it's CRAP. I mean, it's so damn TOUGH!!!! Understanding is so crucial in that module but I was so "blind" when I was doing the tutorials as I was merely copying answers. I don't know soooooo many terms!!! I know I'm going to die if I don't learn it soon...

Another schooling day tomorrow....

splurging and pampering

2006-10-14T05:35:00.000+08:00

Just finished my morning meal. It's already Imsak and today, depicts the 21st day of fasting which means that 9 more days to Hari Raya!! Whoo pee!!

Anyway, last night was pretty fun. I talked to my dearest via the computer. It's cheaper than talking on the phone. Maklumlah, we are both into advanced technology. Hehe...Normally, when chatting on the phone for 20 minutes, it's already considered as expensive to us, but last night, even for 2 whole hours, it seems nothing to us. However, I wore him out cause his mic wasn't working well. Hahaha....

Yesterday also, I had a very bad gastric attack. I haven't got that for months! No wonder I wasn't feeling very well for the whole week. The gastric attack really drained me out. Imagine, I was in public when I started to tremble, turned white and felt like throwing up. The pain in my stomach was UNBEARABLE. I had a earful from my mom. The fact that my unhealthy dieting is the main reason which caused me to suffer from this sickness. Now, after eating all the appropriate medicine, I never felt better although the pain is still there and I keep making trips to the toilet to flush out all the toxicity.

Damn...I'm really really sorry for what I've done to my own body....

Anyway, I've decided to pamper myself with a full manicure and pedicure session once I get my HariRaya-Deepavali pay. My nails suck and I'm too lazy to do anything to it so, I would rather pay someone to clean it for me. Hehehe....And also, I've decided to change my handphone and this time it's for real!!! As I've been disappointed by Starhub time and again, I've decided to change my service provider to save up on the billing costs. Therefore, it gave me the chance to buy a new handphone!! And this is what I have in mind:

I know tat it isn't one of the latest phone by Sony Ericsson but it doesn't make much difference with the latest ones, except for it's pricing. I'm proud to be an SE supporter anyway, because of it's quality and the standard.

mixed up

2006-10-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm having a splitting headache now. Earlier on I was having migraine and I ate medicine. Now, the headache is back again. It's been quite sometime since I have a migraine. I wonder what's the cause of the tension in my brain.

Anyway, I miss him. And I don't know what to do. I know that he's like so faraway and the fact that I'm not meeting him for another long week, really makes me more miserable.

Friends and a boyfriend are two different things. The difference is that I cannot live without my boyfriend. I have so much to feel but all my feelings are mixed up right now. It's more like loneliness than anything.

Dammit...I know that I should be immune to his absence after 7 whole months. But still, the feeling just grow stronger...

*sighs* I guess I have to be patient for now and just waiiiitttt.......

18 Ramadhan

2006-10-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

Today depicts the 18th day of Ramadhan. 12 more days to Syawal!!! Wheeee......

Hehehe...I'm over-excited.

This year will be a more fun Hari Raya cause I'm planning for 2 group outings, one for my friends and the other for couples only. So, if any of my girlfriends is reading this, be it the Chinese or the Malays, I'm planning on 6 November 2006 for our outing as for most of us, our first paper starts on the 15th or the 16th. Sadly, my digicam brokedown on me last Saturday and had to be serviced. Hopefully, I'll get it back before Hari Raya.

The exams are drawing near. I'm getting pretty anxious and scared.

Insya'Allah, I'll pull through like I always do....

You know, I'm sooo missing him now. Do you know how many times I stare at the flowers he gave me every passing hour? It happens everytime he came into my mind and it keeps me happy....Hehe...

Our 2-year anniversary photo.
(P.S. My digicam went ga-ga on this day)

a word i often say...

2006-10-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying F U C K YOU

P.S. It's true...

neverending fairytale

2006-10-08T17:11:00.000+08:00

Currently taking a break from studying. So, here I am...

Well, didn't meet my dearest on the actual day but we went out last night. We exchanged gifts before we set off. And yes, I got my first ever bouquet!!! Purple tulips, pink carnations and white roses! Hahaha....the smell of the flowers fills up my whole room now and I just can't stop sniffing. Well, my gift to him was a man's cologne. Love the smell of it on him....*sniff sniff*

Last night, both of us went to our secondary school friend's ROM at Aloha Loyang. It was a pretty simple and short ceremony. We had a simple dinner there too but at least it filled our stomachs. Congratulations to Chaili....Hope she'll have a blissful marriage and blessed with many children.

As for us, 2 years has passed and now, we're working towards the 3rd year of our relationship and many-many more years to come.

I wish last night never end. I just love to be with him.

2yranniversary

2006-10-06T11:08:00.000+08:00

Know what?

We turn 2 today!!

Yippee!~

Hehe...

Can't wait to meet him tomorrow, after 2 long weeks....

hectic

2006-10-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

It's been mentally hectic for me for this couple of days...

I'm soo looking forward to Saturday...hehehe....

yet another day...

2006-10-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

Today's Mission Calender by Oprah.com
********************************
"The trouble with most women is they get old in their heads. They think
about it too much." -- Josephine Baker
********************************

Have not been blogging recently cause I've been pretty busy with my work. I've been studying for next Monday's quiz as well as preparing for tomorrow's Solid Waste Engineering presentation. A new term just begun and it also mean that the exams are drawing near.

Nervous, very very nervous. But I must stay strong, no matter what may come.

Anyway, after school today, I rushed to IMM to look for Chaili's wedding gift. Finally bought something pretty useful for newlyweds. Hehehe... Yesterday, I was supposed to buy something for that someone, but in the end, I don't know what to buy and went home empty-handed.

Did you know that I asked from him for flowers...? I even stated which flowers I want. I'm thick-skinned. Very thick-skinned. The only day that he can think of giving them to me is during Valentine's. How I wish Man knows what Woman wants. It's more than a stalk of flower...

This week is the week of my anniversary. I talk like as if I'm already married. Hahaha...but the thing is that I really do hope for that. To be with that particular someone whom I love most in the whole wide world, for the rest of my life. Insya'allah, one fine day, hopefully, my ~~prince charming~~ king will take me faraway from here, where there's only me and him and then, we can live happily ever after. *dreamily*

But anyway, it's our anniversary of love. A love that I'll never take for granted.

I know that I can be a bitch at times. High maintenance too. But most importantly is that, I love him, very much....

vain pot

2006-09-30T23:34:00.000+08:00

It's been a week ever since Ramadhan begins. I've lost quite a bit of weight. I'm happy about it but that leaves me to what I'm going to wear to Chaili's ROM next Saturday. I don't want to wear my baju kurung there, man! If I'm not taking the public transport, then it would be okay.

A girl will always remain as a girl.

I'm oh-so-vain.

*winks*

rejected =(

2006-09-30T05:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Liyana Bte Kamsani,

This is to inform you that you have NOT been shortlisted for an interview by DHI Water & Environment (S) Pte Ltd.
Your 2nd to 9th choices, if any, will be pushed up accordingly to become your 1st to 8th choices for computer allocation.

BY OFFICE OF PROFESSIONAL ATTACHMENTS

OUCH!! And stupidly, I thought I have a teeny-weeny bit of chance that I would be shortlisted. How stupid of me. I'm soooo like nothing compared to others, and why would I ever think that I would ever get the chance?

Ok...life's TOUGH in there. I'll just take it with stride. At least, I have EIGHT more choices. Who knows I'll end up in CAAS, which is like all the way at Changi Airport?

Hehe...I'm just trying to cheer myself up ler...

hibernation

2006-09-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

Finally, I did something fruitful after days of lots of slacking. I finished my part for Solid Waste Engineering project.

I envied those who went out and have fun for the past few days and also for the rest of the week. I've been in hibernation mode ever since the recess week starts. Catching up with my beauty sleep and endless mapling sessions. I should be studying actually but I didn't really go INTO it. I studied here and there for a while and a few minutes later, I just got bored of it and chucked everything to one side.

You can say that I'm lazy, but well, I tried...hehe...

To end the entry, I finally had a talk with my dearest. It's been a while since we've met and guess what, a week more to our anniversary!! And talking about that, I want to go back to Megabitez, SIM, where we had our very first lunch date. Hehe...those were the times...I miss that place and the awesome food there...

Maybe someday we could relive those times?

patience

2006-09-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

Bulan Ramadhan ini menguji kesabaran ku.

Oh God...I'm really really really sorry...

he's on my mind

2006-09-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

Today's Mission Calendar Inspiration from Oprah.com
********************************
Don't fear age, because with time comes wisdom.

"The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the
world...." -- Susan B. Anthony
********************************

Well, I should be mugging right now. Instead, I've been bitten by the LAZY bug. *sighs* I need to mug. I need to mug. I need to mug...

Anyway, my mind is so messed up right now. I've been thinking about all the questions that I've been asked by others about my relationship. I have no answers to those questions. I don't think he will even bother to think about the answers.

Above all, I've been thinking about him, always....

Checklist 1

2006-09-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

2 Ramadhan 1427

Eats: Bubur Lemak, Karipap and Jagung Rebus for break fast
Watches: Grey's Anatomy on Channel 5
Listens: Soothing music on my MP3 player, emo songs actually...hehe
Feels: Achy and Sarcastic
Module: Geo-Environmental Engineering
About What?: About USCS, different types of clay and all that geotechnical terms.
How?: It's still not that easy for me...struggling with this module....
Conscious: About my weight and my hair....
Needs: Serious attention
Thinks: *sighs* My mind is so messed-up....
Why: Hmmm...good question. Probably because I started the day so stressed-up and I have nobody to talk to about it...
What: Oh wells, I'm glad that Hady Mirza won Singapore Idol. Onward to the Singaporean Malays!!
Missing: Japanese Food...I will never get sick of it, especially the fishy taste of salmon. Yummy!
Craves: Lotsa lotsa junk food....especially potato chips, peanuts and choc bars!!
Extracts from the Past:
"Anyway, today, I found out from one of the girls I know since poly days, that girls have been fishing for guys in University. I was shocked! These girls have a list of admirers and all they have to do is CHOOSE!! I was like...."So, I am busy studying whereas other girls go fishing huh?" What is this world coming to? University guys that great meh? What's the main purpose of coming to Uni in the first place??? Hook up with smart, mature and studious guys? LOL....

To say that these girls are pretty, not up to my standard of what I call "pretty". To say they are beautiful, they lack of character. But I can see that, there's a lot of pairing up in my lecture theatre.... Ugly guys with pretty girls and vice versa....

Bad for the eyes.......tsk tsk...."

- Monday, September 19, 2005

Others: The sweetness of love and the pain of being apart...=((

ramadhan begins...

2006-09-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

1 Ramadhan 1427

Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims!!! Alhamdulillah, I was very energetic the whole day despite of a terrible terrible headache since the time I woke up in the morning. A good start, I would say.

Anyway, everyone had their last meeting yesterday with their significant other. I had mine on Friday after school. Our meeting was pretty short but it's the company that is more important. Hehehe....he was very sweet though as he carried my oh-so-heavy bag all the way to my house. I didn't manage to say thanks to him...but anyway, THANK YOU, DEAR!!! =))

Honestly, it wasn't really our last meeting-lah. I'm meeting him again, 2 weeks from now, for our friend's ROM. I'm not sure about our anniversary though, but our meeting will be like only a day after our anniversary. Till then, we can only rely on either the phone or the Net only....

Lastly, I hate my hair. I shouldn't have trimmed it in the first place...but what can I do? I can only wait for it to grow longer. It seems that I won't be perming my hair already ler....

Hurt

2006-09-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

For viewing pleasure...

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

only a glimpse

2006-09-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

A glimpse of hope is what I see...

And before I know it, it vanishes into the air...

Yet again....

term break

2006-09-21T18:49:00.000+08:00

After the massage last night, I couldn't jump out of bed this morning. My whole body was so damn aching, man!!! However, one good thing is that most of the flabbiness is gone! Yippie!!! Hehehe...see...I don't even have to workout or exercise...

Tomorrow is the last day before the term break. The term break is not really going to be a break for me cause it will be a period of time for me to catch up with my studies. I'm so far behind for some of my modules, especially those times when I skipped lectures and tutorials. The list is as follows:

1. Geo-Environmental Engineering
2. Wastewater Engineering
3. Solid Waste Engineering
4. Structure Design (Steel)
5. Solid Waste Project

When school reopens, I'm going to do some shopping for two different person, probably at IMM. For now, I'm too tired to shop or anything like that.

3 more days to 1 Ramadhan and 2 weeks to our 2-year anniversary....

happy and you know it..

2006-09-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

When you are happy, you eat more and grow fat???

True or not????

stress-free period

2006-09-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

Wheeeee!!!!! My quizzes are over!! Not officially though....but for now let's enjoy the feeling of being stress-free!!! Well, I'm going to be a good girl from tomorrow onwards and attend every lecture and tutorial. I've been skipping classes too much and I feel very guilty conscious.

Anyway, fasting month starts this Sunday. I already bought my kebaya a few months back. Love it very much. I'm going all dark blue this year. I think I'm going to buy matching shoes and a new handbag. Hehehehe.....I have too many outfits which I bought last year. So, this year, I guess buying 1 is just enough.

Well....been thinking about him and everything that has been happening around. Life's getting more exciting. At times, I wonder whether there'll be a future for me and him. The future seems so near, yet so far....

There's so many things that I haven't been doing lately. It's been quite sometime since I camwhored and just pose in front of the camera. It's been quite sometime since I even read a proper book. For now, I have the urge to maple. It's been sometime...

alhamdulillah

2006-09-18T21:24:00.000+08:00

Two quizzes down, 1 more to go tomorrow. Yippee!! All quizzes went pretty well. I've got nothing to complain about. Alhamdulillah, it's more than what I expected. Do you know I was trembling for an hour before the Structure Design quiz this morning? I was trembling so much that my heart beats so fast and I couldn't even think properly.

Allah knows how many times I had to breathe in and out and beristighfar. It took me so long to calm myself down. Nowadays, I'm learning to be grateful with what I have. I can never ask for more. My faith has grown for Him and I feel great about it. He gave me air to breathe, a loving family, a shelter above my head, a life of luxury, many many friends, a chance to brighten up my future and even the love of my perfect guy. I don't lack of anything.

It seems that I've been taking many things for granted. I had to declare myself immature because I think that I never have enough. It's time for me to grow up. To know what life really is about. I can't live this way forever. One day, I'll have my own career, life and even a family. A way to live it all up is to be thankful with what I have....

Anyway, after school today, I went home with him. It was the first time I saw him in uniform. He looks HANDSOME. I mean it, dear. Infinity time more handsome than any other guys (I always tell my girlfriends that.). Hahaha....he still makes my heart race and I'm soooo loving him....;)

Talking about my relationship, I've been reading articles on dating and relationships for a week now. It seems that women make more mistakes in a r/s rather than men. For a man, his mistakes are normally his insensitivity or being unfaithful. But for a woman, being the more sensitive one, makes the most mistakes. I've never realized the mistakes that I'd made in my own r/s until I read all those articles. Letting my emotions get onto me, will destroy my r/s. Instead, I should own those emotions rather than let them control me. I'm learning to do just that...

2 more weeks to our 2 year anniversary!!!! I don't know how to celebrate anniversaries but looking forward to the day, is the best feeling for now. Hehehehe....

crankiness

2006-09-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Like my template?? I love the colour combination and the simple design. He loves it too! Hehehehe....

The first quiz for this semester ended today. It went pretty well. Alhamdulillah. Two more quizzes to go next week before the term break.

Anyway, I've been having an "ON/OFF" skin rashes. I'm currently on my personal medication. I've yet to source the allergen which causes this rashes. It seems that if I stop my medication, the rashes start to pop up again, especially on my arms and hips. Suspected allergen might be the food I intake. I've gotta source it before it worsen.

Now, I'm in the middle of Water Supply Engineering revision.

On the other hand, I'm thinking about him too. I'm starting to miss him already. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet him next week or should I say, I'm "greedy" that I want to meet him everyday...=)

quizzes period...

2006-09-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

And so...chatted with my dearest on the phone just now. Felt so relieved + happy to hear his voice.....

Anyway, I'm mugging for Friday's quiz. My head is jumbled up with Hydraulics now.

Not much that I have to say....

For now...till the end of my quizzes...

I'll be MIA....

Ciaox!~

a promise that i'll keep

2006-09-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

My biological clock says that I should be in bed now...but instead, I'm staying up to watch my favourite drama series...The OC III!!! Hehehe...

Anyway, today, I found out that one of my close friends back in secondary school, is registering for her marriage earlier next month. When I told the girls that one of my friends is getting married, a frown was registered on each of their faces. Well, I was frowning too. Here we are, in NTU, not thinking about marriage, still struggling to achieve our dreams and still have yet to reach maturity in life....frowning at good news. Well, it's just a natural reaction between us, girls, especially at this age, when we see our friends attaining their own happiness.

Hmmm...what can I say? Who doesn't want to get married and live happily ever after, right?

I'm trying to put some extra effort on my schoolwork. I've decided that I have to achieve something before I attend my convocation in 2years time. I'm scared of the challenges that I'm going to face down the road...but I promise...I'll always try my BEST.

Indescripable...

2006-09-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling right now..

It feels like, everything's in their right places, and all of my problems just dissipate into the air...

boring life..

2006-09-11T11:53:00.000+08:00

I'm in the school library alone. Sitting here and surfing the Net just to pass time.

My life is not exciting...nothing much to share. My life rotates around the same things everyday. School, Friends, Family and Hatta. Haha...how boring can I be?

For school, the first half of the semester will end next week, and after that, things will get tougher as the exams draw nearer. For friends, my friends are a crazy bunch, consisting of a HUGE group of girls, including me, Denise, Aisyah, Jieli, Suria, Zhaowei, Stephanie, Nadia and recently, Huiling. We talk about almost everything and anything under the sun. For family, my parents are pretty busy people and my brothers, they are my entertainers. They practically made a spectacle of themselves in front of a huge group of people yesterday by dancing around like clowns...

As for Hatta, you knowlah, I talk about him like almost everyday here...met him last night and now he's back in camp, leaving me all alone here again. =(

I've gotta end here...going to carry out an URGENT business in the local toilet...

being faithful

2006-09-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

I dreamt that I cheated on him.

One thing to remember, I'll NEVER cheat on him.

I'll NEVER test the water.

I can NEVER imagine losing him.

I love him too much to even do something like that.

At end of the day, I feel SAFEST in his arms.

Tell me...am I crazy??

my big mouth...

2006-09-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty unhappy with the fact that I can't meet him tomorrow. Actually, it's possible, if I reach home before 8pm. But what are the chances?????

*sighs*

I'm partly to blame. Me and my big mouth...

going to be a draggy weekend

2006-09-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

Today, a better day than yesterday. Right dear? My girlfriends were a fun bunch too, especially when I asked Suria and Aisyah to stop staring at me. It scares me off!!!

Oh yah, I finally had my hair cut. No, I got it trimmed actually. My fringe is short and I think it's neater now...sooo no hassle!!!

It's gonna be a draggy weekend. I'm really hoping that I'll get to squeeze some time to be with my dearest.....

when what i want is just attention....

2006-09-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

To start off this entry, I've been studying. Hydraulics quiz next Friday. Water Supply Engineering quiz on the following Tuesday. Stress? Nolah...I'm cool. I skipped school today. Being the lazy me, I snoozed away till 11am. Woke up in a daze and after awhile, napped till 2pm. Did my studying till late evening. After that, ironed my piling laundry.

Quite a fruitful lazy day, I guess.

Anyway, can you believe it? I miss him so very much and at the same time, I'm pissed at him. It's always the same old problem and I HATE LDR. LDR causes this problem and this problem hasn't been solved yet.

Everyday, I woke up to loneliness. At times, he took away the loneliness, but most of the time, I just refused to wake up at all. I'm oversensitive, I know, but how do you think I feel when the person I love is so faraway from me and that he's just not there for me. Despite having so many friends, not having the most important person with me, is the worst feeling ever. Does he know that?

I've gotta get out of this emotional distraction before I go bonkers.......

Chasing Cars

2006-09-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
--------------------------------------------------------------

I'm pretty mesmerized by the lyrics of this song. It describes how I feel. I woke up to loneliness everyday. I never could say out loud how I feel. I'm confused about what I have to say with what I have to show. I always drown myself in my own thoughts. I'm affected emotionally. Being an egoist, I am, I never admit it, cause he might see me as weak.

He's always on my mind every minute of the day. Those times when I yearn for him and wish that if only I could runaway from this loneliness...I would run away as far as I can....

expectations

2006-09-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, we often set high expectations in life, that we don't realize the little things that we do or that others do for us, could create a huge impact in our life. We always want or hope for the best, never did we know that there's always a blessing behind every misfortune.

We always take for granted with what we have and that we are never thankful with what God has given to us. Never did we realize that, one day, He will take away what we have, one by one.

If given a choice, I would want to live a life full of happiness... No worries...just happiness...

a change in me

2006-09-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

I was updating our scrapbook when I realized how much I've changed throughout the time I'm with him. From the girl who doesn't wear any make-up, to the girl who dolls up every morning before she goes to school. I love myself....

And oh yah, I've been on carbohydrates diet ever since last Thursday. I didn't eat any rice or any form of carbs since then. I'm eating more of the soupy stuffs to aid my digestion as well as to lose weight....

I'm fasting for the next 3 days. Hopefully, I can survive...

an interesting weekend

2006-09-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

I have so much to blog here but I'm too lazy to put them into words. So, well, here I am in the school library, blogging, a way to let time pass by.

I had a pretty interesting weekend I would say. Although I didn't go out on a proper date with my dearest, but we managed to meet up on Saturday night. On Saturday, my parents held a kenduri puasa at our house and invited all their siblings over. Funnily, I volunteered to cook the beef curry cause I refused to fry the roti renjis/kirai/jala. I did lotsa things like making the salad sauce, cutting the veggies, cut the kuih-muih and even packed the lauk for the visitors.

Somehow, while packing, something popped into my mind and I've decided to pack for my dearest too, cause he's just living nearby and what's the harm of giving him the leftovers. I packed specially for him and his family, and asked him to come over. Around 9.30pm, I met him downstairs to give him the food. I even brought Juni with me, cause she's been dying to see him in person. LOL....nolah...just kidding. A few minutes later, Juni left us. I thought nobody would caught us together, but damn, Mamang Wan, Bibik Nana and my cousins saw us. Not forgetting, Obek Mah and my kakak sedara(s). I freaked out and I think he freaked out too, especially when Mamany Wan shouted at us. -_='

Sampai sekarang masih terbayang-bayang. Luckily, I went up before my paternal side come down. They are more than curious about what I'm doing downstairs and who I was with.

Hehehe...at least, we weren't doing anything wrong rite???

Anyway...I'm missing him.

Don't ask me about my studies. I've not touched it for 3 whole days until last night, when I finally went through Wastewater Engineering. Hopefully, tonight, I have the mood to study. Quizzes officially start next week.....

attachment

2006-09-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

I just registered for my industrial attachment for next semester. Kinda exciting cause I don't know what to expect and the organizations gave interesting descriptions. Won't say what I chose here specifically, cause I want to avoid competition but well, like always, I still aim to get a place in the laboratory or maybe do some site investigations.

I always seek for new experiences. I hope this time round, I'm able to learn more things than during my poly industrial attachment. Can't wait!!

Anyway, I'm missing him. I think I messaged him excessively today despite him being at work. Hahaha.... But what can I do? Cann't resist the heart from telling the brain what is the best thing to do. Haha...lame...I know... I wonder whether we will be able to meet this weekend.....hmmm...

not in my right mind

2006-08-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

I'm FAT, SICK and TIRED.

Please leave me alone...

monthly anni

2006-08-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why girls love to celebrate monthly anniversaries. Like every month, they'll count how long they've been together with their significant other. Isn't it too troublesome? I prefer to remember it in annually basis. If you ask me how long I've been together with my dearest, I'll say almost 2 years. But to count it in monthly basis...let me see....22 months and 24 days.

Well, it doesn't really matter how long we've been together. What matters is how long we've been HAPPY together. Truthfully speaking...my relationship was like a snail for 17 months. I feel that it was more of a silent relationship for those months rather than a romantic one. No quarrels, no intimacy...no nothing. So, do you still consider my relationship to be 2 years old?

Yes...I still do. Cause we went through those months together and now, despite having more conflicts and misunderstandings, we are HAPPIER...

Anyway, today, was a pretty fun day for me. The site visit was like a new experience for me, especially the intoxicating smell of the collected refuse at Tuas Incineration Plant. Well, what can I do. My career happens to deal with dirty stuffs. Tsk...tsk...

I've been making it a habit to study every night, at least 3-4 hours. It's been going pretty well for me for the past days but it turned pretty draggy for me tonight. My head feels like it's gonna burst any minute now.

Quizzes are coming in 2 weeks time. I'm getting nervous.

Insya'Allah, I'll try harder this semester...

on cloud nine

2006-08-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling pretty lonely ever since I parted with him last Saturday. The feeling became worst when a new school week began yesterday. I think about him every minute of the day.
So, I've decided to have a long chat with him on the phone tonight, something that we have not done for a while now.

I never felt better. Had a very good laugh. Talked mostly of the positive stuffs. It feels like he's so near. See, just a simple phone call can improve my mood. There's so many reasons why I love him, but for now, I'm feeling happier!!

LOL...

Tomorrow, there'll be a site visit to Tuas incineration plant and whatever marine disposal thingy. Hope it'll be a fun trip. But still, I don't like this gugu-gaga things at this age, if you know what I mean.

*sighs*

I'm still on cloud nine.

*drifts away........................*

LDR

2006-08-28T18:32:00.000+08:00

I have something to share with all the bloggers as well as blog readers. You see, when I just got into a relationship with Hatta, I know that one tough challenge that I'm gonna face is when he starts his national service.

So, earlier this year, he got enlisted into army and I was left all alone on the mainland. It was pretty tough on me for the first 2 weeks when he didn't come home and after that, we were only restricted to the weekends only.

In time, our relationship becomes a long-distance one even though we live just a few blocks away. Till now, even after 6 months and that I'm getting immune to his absence, the emotions inside me still isn't that stable. I still feel lonely and insecure most of the times. I lack of attention and the support I need. Everyday, I silently yearn for his presence. However, my feelings never faded for him. It actually becomes stronger as time passes by and I need him more than ever.

Anyway, this is gonna be a pretty lengthy entry cause I'm gonna extract an article from NTU's inTune about long distance relationship(LDR) which I read during lunchbreak just now. This is also gonna be an educationcal entry for me, for those who are also involved in LDR and yes, especially for HIM. Here it is:

"Often in a long distance relationship, couples are separated by great distance, not merely physical distance but also time and accessibility. LDRs usually happen when one or both of you have to leave for reasons such as a change of school, or National Service.

What happens: Initially couples believe the physical space between them won't affect their love for each other. After all, they are meant for each other...aren't they? But then lack of trust, insecurity, ineffective communication and physical intimacy threatens to tear the couple apart. What's worse, it is hard to detect, much less resolve conflicts when we are apart. Trust becomes an issue as you don't know what the other part is doing. Also, there are higher chance of the other party meeting other people.

Making the decision: An LDR is difficult, but still possible. It depends on each individual couple. Friendship-based relationships(my relationship!!) tends to survive better. What is most important is whether the effort is going to be mutual. Both must also be ready and willing to sacrifice a little for the sake of staying together. Before the separation, couples should have The Talk. If they agree to remain a couple, there is much to agree on.

Make it work: Surviving an LDR can be challenging but also fulfilling. At the end, couples can learn to appreciate each other more having gone through such a tough time together.

Some neglect the importance of small talk when they are together but that is what connect couples together and provides them with a sense of closeness. Couples should be honest about how they feel towards each other. For one, if you decide that the relationship is not working out, it is better to be honest than keep the other person in the dark. Being honest all the time also helps a couple have more faith and a greater sense of security.

Couples can make plans to meet up during their holidays. Have an end sight. Otherwise, frustration will set in and upset the relationship balance. However once plans are made, it is important to keep promises.

You need to be extra demonstrative. Little things that could be done easily before the LDR now require more effort. However, they are also better appreciated. Trust is the golden word. Being suspicious and over-sensitive will only cause frustration.

Couples have to look out for certain warning sighs, too. Tell your friends you are going to be in a LDR and that "that's the end" look appears. But don't allow them to affect your decisions. Girls think men are sweet and nice if they wait faithfully. However, this "nice guy" advantage vanishes the instant they try to make use of it. Remain the sweet and faithful man you are. Birthdays and Valentine's Day can be killers. Think of ways to pass them with other loved ones. Also, time could be taken to create gifts to send to your other.

And in the end, Happily Ever After may just be more fulfilling than ever for a couple that passes the test of time and space."

My relationship has been tested for 6 months and 18 more months to go. A test of love, faith, trust and even patience. Insya'Allah, I hope and really hope that our relationship will survive forever no matter whatever may come...

Love him....(=

un-cheery

2006-08-27T18:36:00.000+08:00

I've been in a pretty uncheerful mood. Partly because I'm exhausted and partly because I have to wait another week before I meet him again. Didn't touch my books for the past two days and I'm not touching it tonight. Perhaps, I'll start my engine again tomorrow.

Ok...my weekends. Equals to bad. Well, there's the good and bad things.

Starting from yesterday. Yesterday morning, went out for breakfast with my dearest, at my hometown which I grew up 21 years ago. We both had yummy chicken noodle. After that, walked around Westmall for a while and we headed back home. Although we spent the day with each other for a few hours, I tak dapat lepaskan rindu. Urh yes....itu yang aku geramkan. Abis nak buat macam maner? I don't want to look desperate. I wish he's more romantic...

LOL....

Then later in the night, went over to my cousin's place to help her cook for her engagement party today. I also met my primary school friend, Hafizah and her to-be fiancee, last night too. Anyway, believe it or not...I cooked mutton curry and Bali style beef in a HUGE pot, with the help of my aunt. And believe it or not, the beef turned out great. Well, I got satisfaction from that...hehehe....

Today, attended the party and helped in the kitchen, yet again. Fortunately, Juni, Lina and family, turned up and I got the chance to get away from the kitchen for a while. We chatted, like we always do. I ended the day feeling very lousy and exhausted...

*sighs*

Tomorrow, a new school week. 9 more weeks to go before the exams.

finally...

2006-08-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty sleepy now. Dizzy too, maybe due to the heat.

And today, I'm happier.

Cause I finally met him.

After 3 weeks.

Yes.

Finally.

Happiness engulf me, yet again. (=

Having breakfast with him tomorrow.

Like always...can't wait!

the thing i miss most...

2006-08-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

I miss eating butter croissants, dipped into bitter coffee. I used to have it almost every morning, now there's no more of that.

I miss talking on the phone with him every night, with my heart beating so fast until I forgot what I want and need to say. It's so different now, cause we have not given each other undivided attention for quite some time.

I miss indulging myself with good food without getting worried about my weight. Junk food, fatty food, sweet desserts, carbohydrates, chocolates and more chocolates!!

But the thing that I miss most, is my old self. The girl who is not self-conscious and always taking life in her own stride, never caring what others would say...

There's no doubt that I'm missing him...

not much

2006-08-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is NTU's Union Day. Many people declare tomorrow as a holiday. Me? I'm going to school tomorrow to do my revision for this week's tutorials plus to do Friday's tutorials. Sadly, I've frozen my assets, so I can't join Zhaowei and Denise for a shopping trip to Bugis tomorrow.

I've got nothing much to say. Meeting Jieli and Suria tomorrow...

Till then...Good Nitez!~

i hate last minute stuffs

2006-08-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

Today is like any other schooling days. Go to school. Attend lectures. Write down whatever the professor says and give my full attention. Stayed back after school to discuss about a proposal that we have to submit this Thursday. It's very irritating. A last minute thingy from the stupid professor. I want to get rid of it ASAP.

Reminder for all: I HATE LAST MINUTE THINGS NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.

Didn't do any tutorials today cause my head is spinning. Too much information going into my brain already. I'm also distracted with the fact that I'm FAT. I gained a few kilos and a few kilos, to me, equals to many-many kilos. I don't know what's making my appetite increase but I just can't seem to control my food intake and I don't have the habit to count calories.

I want my below-60kilos weight back. But I don't know how....??

Anyway, I don't know how to describe it but I miss him, VERY MUCH. I kept thinking about him the whole day and every other day. I miss his warmth. I miss his smile. I miss his scent and definitely, I miss his company.

This year has taught me a lot of things about being in a relationship. It wasn't easy this year. Well, when a girl says that she loves a guy, it means that the guy means the whole world to her. He is the one who makes her happy and the one who'll light up the darkest corners of her life. She would do anything for him. She will always be there whenever he needs someone. She will support him in whatever he wants to do and whatever decision he makes. She will help him up when he falls. And when he disappoints her, she never tells him how much it hurts. Even when she cries a thousand tears for him, he will never know. No matter how much he hurts her, she never stopped loving him. All she seeks from him is his undivided attention, security, passion an definitely his love.

He knows how many times I've gotten mad at him for this whole year unlike the past years. Rest assured, I never gave up on our relationship or that I'm going to stop trying. He means everything to me and I'll never destroy something that I've built. (I've said that dozens of times...hehe)

A note for everyone: Please stop thinking that being in a University is an easy thing. If you ain't strong enough mentally and emotionally, don't even think of getting into one. That's my honest opinion. It doesn't matter whether you are smart or not. It's the faith you have in yourself and the One above.

I'm not smart, neither am I intelligent. But I worked hard and hard work pays.

the blues

2006-08-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

My 2nd entry for the day.

After a conversation with my dearest, I have the weirdest feeling ever. I think I talked a lot of crap. I didn't realize that I'm talking to him like I always talk to my girlfriends. I feel so senseless.

Probably, tonight, the build-up of the tension inside me is increasing. In turn, I behaved like not myself.

*sighs*

no mood

2006-08-21T11:54:00.000+08:00

In the school computer lab right now. Waiting for time to pass by.

I'm so not in the mood for school now but I have to get out of the house, no matter what. This morning, I purposely made myself late for the first lecture of the day. I dilly-dallied at home and I reached the lecture theatre 20 minutes late.

Next week, I'll have to apply for next year's Industrial Attachment. Time is passing by very fast and still, I'm in the honeymoon mood. I've gotta buck up before the quizzes start coming in. I just don't know how. Like what Miss Ho said, "We come to school not to study, but to have fun."

*sighs*

I'm still not in the mood for school.....

a random one...

2006-08-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....I want to blog but it seems that I have nothing to blog about.

Yesterday, went to Changi Airport. Bought my favourite candies and a cute little pouch for my handphone. After that, went bowling at Marine Bowl. Gargh! I am never good in anything that has to do with sports. I SUCK in SPORTS.

I'm feeling very restless.

Don't know why.

Attempted my tutorials just now. Damn! They are HARD. Managed to solve only 1 part of question 1 for tomorrow's Hydraulics tutorial. I can't even solve anything in Structure Design. Lastly, I gave up after deriving an equation for Geo-Environmental Engineering tutorial.

I'm still feeling restless.

I MISS HIM LAH!!

cheesy, meaty bites

2006-08-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

He just made me feel so emo. *sniff sniff*

The boyfriend is off to KL tomorrow morning. *sighs* What's 2 days when I've lived without him for a week?

Maybe things are different now. I need him more than I used to, with each passing day. I'm not trying to be demanding cause that will make me a bad girlfriend. I'm just missing him....BADLY.

I'm going to bury myself DEEP into my tutorials for the next 2 days, although I know that it won't work. Cause his name is already carved onto my heart....

*blinks-blinks*

Anyway....this afternoon, or hmmm....should I say yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the girls, excluding Jieli and Steph, at Pizza Hut JP. We tried the new cheesy bites. The cheesy bites were delicious but I couldn't really stomach the pizza, cause it's soo damn meaty.

I've uploaded the photos at my Multiply site. Check them out!!

And oh yah....a warm welcome to a new member of our "clique", Nadia!! Hehehe....the crazyness has yet to begin...

assets frozen

2006-08-17T09:56:00.000+08:00

I'm currently in the school library right now. Printing notes for the upcoming lectures and tutorials. I'm going to start revising for this week's tutorials tonight (at the mosque), especially for Hydraulics and Structure Design. I'm so scared of being left behind.

Anyway, this morning, I think my baby is feeling better. He's been pretty quiet. I checked on him before I went out this morning to ensure that he isn't running a fever. If not, I have to feed him his medicine again. Thank God, he's recovering.

You know, nowadays, after freezing my assets, every morning, I'll frown at the fact that I only have a small amount of cash to spend on. But I've got to get used to it. *sighs* I have to think of the long term benefit rather than to just satisfy my short-term desires. Liyana must start saving!!!

This is such a random entry.. The virtual world is getting boringggg.....

sick and unwell

2006-08-16T23:47:00.000+08:00

Ok...let's stop all the lovey-dovey stuffs here....

I've "frozen my assets". Yes...finally, I'm putting a stop to my shopping sprees. I guess enough is enough and I've gotten almost everything that I want/need. My assets will only be accessible during the weekends or when I'm out on a date. Other than that, I've surrendered my cards to my mom.

It's time to start saving and to fight all the temptations.

Anyway, I haven't been totally honest. I've not been in the best of health for more than a week. I looked healthy but I've been having chest pains for days. I just had heart burn this morning. My dearest medic Hatta said that it's due to HCl from the stomach going up to the heart. And my mom knows that it's a sign that if I don't take care of my health, my gastritis will worsen. I did complain before to Denise in school, last week, about having chest pains...but well, what can she do right?

Oh wells...I still have the cheek to fast. But I'll be alright after taking medicine and to eat well.

Talking about being unwell. My baby is sick too. He's been walking around so damn slowly and sickly. He's been vomitting and shitting too much. He's losing weight too. Just gave him his medicine too.

Oklah...to end this whole entry...I just want to say yet again, I MISS HIM!!!!

the challenges in a relationship

2006-08-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

Oh God...why must you make my life so hard? I miss him very much. A weekend not meeting him is a week without any love or hope. Exaggerating, I know, but I've already missed him so much that I couldn't stand it anymore.

Last weekend, he got plans. This weekend, he's going to KL. Next weekend, it's my turn to have plans. It sucks, you know. Oh God, you know I can't live without him. All I wish is for life to be easier. And for my love to prosper.

It has been tough on both me and him. We both worked hard in maintaining this relationship for the past 2 years. I know that the more challenges and restrictions, the better our relationship will be. All I want is for the both of us to be happy.

I'm so sad now. When can I meet him again?

Well...where there's a will, there's always a way.

The good thing is that our anniversary is coming. Will he remember? Too bad it happens to be the fasting month. *hint hint* Cannot hanky-panky. Wahahahahaha!! Kidding-lah. The bad thing is that we never meet during the fasting month and I don't know whether there'll even be a Hari Raya for us.

Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan Maha menentukan. *sighs*

What can I say? HE has the power in the whole world. We can only hope for the BEST.

study of Man

2006-08-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

A conversation between me, Denise and Aisyah, in the MRT, on our way home:

Me: *sighs* Tonight, must study, MAN!
Denise: Huh? Study man?
Aisyah & Me: *smiles*
Me: Yah. Tonight, must study, MAN! *giggles*
Aisyah: You don't get it?
Denise: Huh? Study what man? Study Hatta?
Me: LMAO. Nolah. (And again) Tonight, must study, MAN!
Aisyah (to me): Denise very slow eh.
Denise: ????????
Me: Tonight, must study "komma" Man!

After a few minutes......

Denise (to me): You bluff me. I thought you said that you are studying man.
Me: Wahahahahahaha!!!

Sorry Denise...hehehe...I just can't forget that.

Well, I've been digging into my tutorials since I got back from school. Tomorrow's tutorial on 'Wastewater Engineering" is pretty confusing. I don't even know what are the questions talking about. Other than that I was revising on today's tutorials, on "Hydraulics" and "Structure Design". This time Strucs is pretty tough. Again, I don't know what is it about.

I'm growing fat ler. Tomorrow and Wednesday, I've decided to fast. Like my boyfriend said, to let the digestive system rest. Anyway, I really am putting on some weight.

Miss my darling very much...*sighs*...n love him too...=)

everything

2006-08-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

I just smiled after reading Suria's latest entry. She so CUTE...hehehe.. Urh yes...don't worry.. I won't tell anyone anything.

It's been a pretty gloomy day for me. I didn't smile or laugh for the whole day. I didn't study either. I was either glued to the tv screen or that I'm waiting.

I'm so envious of Suria...for having such a sweet boyfriend. Why can't my boyfriend be the same? At least, to make me happy.

What more do I want from him? Honestly, I want everything....

my love remains unaltered

2006-08-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

I was pretty tired today to start my revision. Had to tuition my brother Maths and it seems that I have to do everything for him. Very tiring leh....

Oh yah...sadly, I'm not meeting my dearest tomorrow. He has plans. Well, I can stay home to do my revision and hopefully, I will be able to get plenty of rest before the start of a new week in school. Will miss him very much though. It's like our relationship is kinda of a long distance one, although he lives only a few blocks away from me.

I think I made the wrong move last night. I was pretty embarrassed. Been thinking all night and I guess he's right. I guess for now, both of us should enjoy our youth as much as we can and especially enjoy being in each other's company.

See...I learn something from him. Amidst all the madness that he caused, my feelings for him remains unaltered. You know like they say, cherish the person who loves you before they are gone.

shopping is fun!!

2006-08-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

Last day of my first week in school. School has been pretty okay for me. I've been paying attention in lectures. So proud of it. Hee....next week, we all have to start our power engine cause the load will start coming in. This weekend, it's time to dig into tutorials again. Will have to do some reading before going out tomorrow...

Today, we had 4 hours break and the 5 fo us, Me, Denise, Jieli, Steph and Zhaowei, went to JP for a sumptious lunch. After that, me, Denise and Zhaowei, went on a shopping trip. There's always something to buy there. I bought my 3rd pair of new shoes. Zhaowei bought a pair of Levis jeans whereas Denise bought for herself a top from Utopia. We all spent....and shopping was pretty tiring! We went back to school at around 3pm for our last hour of lecture. I was still in a shopping mood during the lecture and I finally bought a Puma bag from the school carnival at a DAMN cheap price!!

Anyway, after nagging at him last night, I feel much much better this morning after letting it all out. We'll see how long it'll last before I break out again. Can't wait to meet him this weekend. Wonder what where we are eating this time round...hehe...

when too much means enough...

2006-08-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether it's me or him. Maybe we have yet to understand each other totally. Maybe he doesn't know how to take care of my feelings. Yet again, he made the same mistake again.

It sucks you know....

I still feel like I'm the least important to him. It's like as if I never exist. Everything also I have to point out to him. This is not the first time ok...it's been numerous times. The word "sorry" doesn't mean anything if he doesn't mean what he say. If he knows that he made that mistake last time, why did he repeat it again?

I guess I give in too much.

It's time I say what I really really want in this relationship.

at a point of time...

2006-08-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

Before I begin, I would like to say..."HAPPY 41st BIRTHDAY to SINGAPORE!!"

Here...I'm blogging about yesterday.

It was the 2nd day of a new semester. Not so bad. Came to school earlier to do some printing of the notes in the library. Hang out with Denise and Aisyah for lunch, as per usual. After school, I went to do some shopping alone. Bought a bottle of make-up remover for face and another bottle for eyes at Missha.

Ahh...yes vanity has eventually struck me to pamper myself with cosmetics like every woman do. I've been looking very natural for years but now, I guess it's time for a change, yet again. I even wear some make-up to school, except for mascara and lip gloss. At least this time, I'm able to conceal my imperfections.

Anyway, this morning, I woke up from a bad dream. One of those dreams that I can barely forget. I dreamt that he cheated on me and I saw everything with my own eyes. The Internet existed in my dream and everything was pretty clear to me. He might just laugh it off but he doesn't know how devastated I was in the dream. I didn't cry in that dream. Well, for those who knows how being heartbroken is like, crying is not how it feels like.

I still remember how it feels. Although, there's no point raking up the past but I remembered how I suffered in silence as my heart was being torn into pieces and how I knocked my head onto the wall calling myself an "Idiot". I wasn't a good sight.

Now, I understand why. I always say, there's always a reason behind everything. At least, I became stronger after all that. I might have found a better someone but there's always insecurity in the relationship. Honestly, at one point of time, I did menyeleweng from my relationship cause I wasn't getting what I want. Thank God, I was mature enough to think and act fast before things become more complicated. I don't want to destroy what I built.

The thing is that, I don't want to get my heart broken anymore. My heart has been scarred. I don't want to land myself in that situation anymore. Thank God the dream wasn't true. I've placed my trust on him, and I believe that he knows what's right and wrong.

the corny-ness of LOVEEEEeee...

2006-08-07T20:39:00.000+08:00

Today, is the first day of school. I was pretty excited to go to school and meet my friends. During the first lecture, I was so sleepy already cause the professor was so DAMN boring. I don't even know what he's talking about although I know it's about "Pumps". I was more awake during the second lecture as the professor was more hip and crappy. Hehe...

Anyway, me and Suria came about talking about something serious in a relationship. We were talking about something sensitive which is religion. It seems that sometimes we wonder, how do we depend on the guys we love in the future untuk bimbingan agama. It's very important that they are stronger in their faith and religion compared to us as they are the ones who are responsible in leading us and our children to the right path.

*sighs*

Other than that, we were sharing with each other how funny and corny our boyfriends are. Everything that she said about hers...mine is more extreme. Hahaha...we were laughing our asses off all the way to Orchard.

I miss my loveee...hope he's doing well.

a day i never want to end

2006-08-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today, is my last day of my 3-months vacation. Tomorrow, I'm back to school. I'll miss slacking, having fun and all the spending but at least, I'm not stucked at home anymore. Let's just think positive, I'll get to hang out with my friends, crap around and eat whatever I want...

Hehehehe....

Anyway, I was too tired to blog about yesteday, so here goes. I was out with my dearest for the longest time yesterday. He came over to my house around 11.30am. I let him try my wantons and later, we browsed through some of our secondary school photos. We only went off around 12.40pm. First we went to Marina Square for a movie. We watched "The Lake House". It was pretty good for a romance movie although it leaves some questions in our head. It's rather unrealistic actually. In reality, we can't alter the past to change the future. It's so against the law of God.

After that, while waiting for it to get dark, we explored the shopping mall. We went from boutique to boutique. From Puma to Zara/Zara Man, to Topshop/Topman, to MNG, to Miss Selfridge and blah blah blah blah. We went out of Marina and walked to Millenia. Went to the military figurines shop and explored the candy store there. I bought some pretzels. It was too SALTY until I takleh angkat lagi that I pushed the whole packet to him. We bumped into his poly bestie and his girlfriend on our way out for dinner.

We had a sumptious BBQ meal for dinner at the heavily packed Marina Sq foodcourt. The food was delicious for a normal foodcourt food. We only realized that yesterday, there would be fireworks display when we see how crowded and congested the area around Marina and Esplanade. We walked through the crowd and by the time we reached the best spot to stand which was in the middle of the road near Fullerton, we were both sweaty.

Oh wells, we get a rather good view of the fireworks. Before the display began, I even jokingly asked him to carry me, to get a better view. Hehehe... It was a beautiful display of fireworks which lasted for a whole 15minutes. We were watching silently while I kept clicking the digicam.

This was another first time for us. You know, watching the fireworks together with the one you love. In the first place, I thought we could have a quiet walk along the river outside Esplanade but in the end we were caught in the crowd and watched the fireworks display instead.

Romantic? Not really...hehe...with all the people around us...nah...

Anyway, we ended the day with a 1h 10min busride to Sembawang. He studied on the bus while I watched and I nearly dozed off. We did talk crap all the way home. Ahh...we don't mushy mushy in person. I guess it's not in the both of us. Haha... Reached our place(s) at almost midnight.

Well, honestly, I never want the day to end. Although I was pretty exhausted but I never can get enough, especially when I'm out with him. I suddenly find starting school tomorrow half draggy, half excited cause I didn't want yesterday to end. I want yesterday to be everyday. *sighs*

It's a good feeling to love and being loved. I never say this much nowadays...but I love him, no matter what...

tired

2006-08-06T00:39:00.000+08:00

I just got back home an hour earlier. I was out for the whole day...

So pooped out now.

Will blog about everything later.

For now...I'll ZzzzzzzzzZZzzz....

last experiment

2006-08-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

Today, I did my last experiment, triple chocolate muffins. This time, I really made muffins. Mini ones actually... Oh wells, like I've said, this is my last experiment till the next time I have my long vacation. For now, I'll MIA from the kitchen.

Well, I've cleaned up my room, once again, except for my desk and did all my laundry. I feel pretty satisfied with my room now.

Anyway, I can't wait to be out with my dearest TOMORROW!!! I have him all to myself for a day!! YiPee!!

=)