all in love is fair
I question myself...is all in love fair? Well, all relationships are not perfect but we will always try our best to make everything perfect. I felt really stupid, always being there for him, and him not for me. I felt that it was so unfair for him to be selfish. I thought in a relationship, we should both be fair to each other and that we should care for each other constantly.
There were times when he gave me the impression, "Hey, I'm stressed-up, I can't help you." For me, most of the time, I understand that impression and never did I ever complain or add in more of the stress into him. Instead, I would rather ask him what happened and somehow, try to cheer him up. Today, I start to complain cause I was feeling really stupid. The fact that he get what he needs and I never got mine, is what really makes me feel so dumb.
I was at the point of depression before the exams started. I was alone, battling with my own emotions and at the same time, studying for the exams. The pressure inside me was too much. Nobody knew, not even him. I suffered in silence. I even planned to run away from home. Run away from all my problems, from everybody who makes me miserable. I had the perfect place in mind to find my own peace. But Thank Allah, I kept my faith strong. I managed to come to my senses and now, I'm already halfway through the exams.
He on the other hand, doesn't know anything. I kept my silence because I don't want to appear as weak to him and that I don't want to be a burden to him. I don't want him to see me with tears in my eyes. He found out after I start to bitch at him. Definitely I felt bad but I was sad because he wasn't there for me. When I need somebody to talk to, he just wasn't there for me. When I need somebody to hold on to, he just wasn't there for me.
The thing is that I never gave myself or him any excuses for not being there for him or even others. I always want him to stay happy, calm and patient, no matter what situation he's in. I don't mind him ranting his problems to me cause at least, he knows that I'm there for him as someone to talk to. For me, I've dealt my problems alone all these years. I think now I need someone as my emotional support as I go through different phases of my life...
I have yet to know how it feels like to have someone who's there for me constantly, who gladly pampers and loves me constantly. I know that it sounds like too much...but be proactive, man! You should know what a woman wants....
I hope he's reading this and I hope also, that he's not mad at me for posting this here...hehe....
QueenLiyn@15:16
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