not in my right mind
I'm FAT, SICK and TIRED.
Please leave me alone...
QueenLiyn@23:41
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monthly anni
I don't understand why girls love to celebrate monthly anniversaries. Like every month, they'll count how long they've been together with their significant other. Isn't it too troublesome? I prefer to remember it in annually basis. If you ask me how long I've been together with my dearest, I'll say almost 2 years. But to count it in monthly basis...let me see....22 months and 24 days.
Well, it doesn't really matter how long we've been together. What matters is how long we've been
HAPPY together. Truthfully speaking...my relationship was like a snail for 17 months. I feel that it was more of a silent relationship for those months rather than a romantic one. No quarrels, no intimacy...no nothing.
So, do you still consider my relationship to be 2 years old?Yes...I still do. Cause we went through those months together and now, despite having more conflicts and misunderstandings, we are
HAPPIER...
Anyway, today, was a pretty fun day for me. The site visit was like a new experience for me, especially the intoxicating smell of the collected refuse at Tuas Incineration Plant. Well, what can I do. My career happens to deal with
dirty stuffs. Tsk...tsk...
I've been making it a habit to study every night, at least 3-4 hours. It's been going pretty well for me for the past days but it turned pretty draggy for me tonight. My head feels like it's gonna burst any minute now.
Quizzes are coming in 2 weeks time. I'm getting nervous.
Insya'Allah, I'll try harder this semester...
QueenLiyn@21:50
------------------------------------------------------------
on cloud nine
I've been feeling pretty lonely ever since I parted with him last Saturday. The feeling became worst when a new school week began yesterday. I think about him every minute of the day.
So, I've decided to have a long chat with him on the phone tonight, something that we have not done for a while now.
I never felt better. Had a very good laugh. Talked mostly of the positive stuffs. It feels like he's so near. See, just a simple phone call can improve my mood. There's so many reasons why I love him, but for now, I'm feeling happier!!
LOL...
Tomorrow, there'll be a site visit to Tuas incineration plant and whatever marine disposal thingy. Hope it'll be a fun trip. But still, I don't like this
gugu-gaga things at this age, if you know what I mean.
*
sighs*
I'm still on cloud nine.
*
drifts away........................*
QueenLiyn@23:43
------------------------------------------------------------
LDR
I have something to share with all the bloggers as well as blog readers. You see, when I just got into a relationship with Hatta, I know that one tough challenge that I'm gonna face is when he starts his national service.
So, earlier this year, he got enlisted into army and I was left all alone on the mainland. It was pretty tough on me for the first 2 weeks when he didn't come home and after that, we were only restricted to the weekends only.
In time, our relationship becomes a long-distance one even though we live just a few blocks away. Till now, even after 6 months and that I'm getting immune to his absence, the emotions inside me still isn't that stable. I still feel lonely and insecure most of the times. I lack of attention and the support I need. Everyday, I silently yearn for his presence. However, my feelings never faded for him. It actually becomes stronger as time passes by and I need him more than ever.
Anyway, this is gonna be a pretty lengthy entry cause I'm gonna extract an article from NTU's inTune about long distance relationship(LDR) which I read during lunchbreak just now. This is also gonna be an educationcal entry for me, for those who are also involved in LDR and yes, especially for HIM. Here it is:
"Often in a long distance relationship, couples are separated by great distance, not merely physical distance but also time and accessibility. LDRs usually happen when one or both of you have to leave for reasons such as a change of school, or National Service.
What happens: Initially couples believe the physical space between them won't affect their love for each other. After all, they are meant for each other...aren't they? But then lack of trust, insecurity, ineffective communication and physical intimacy threatens to tear the couple apart. What's worse, it is hard to detect, much less resolve conflicts when we are apart. Trust becomes an issue as you don't know what the other part is doing. Also, there are higher chance of the other party meeting other people.
Making the decision: An LDR is difficult, but still possible. It depends on each individual couple. Friendship-based relationships(my relationship!!) tends to survive better. What is most important is whether the effort is going to be mutual. Both must also be ready and willing to sacrifice a little for the sake of staying together. Before the separation, couples should have The Talk. If they agree to remain a couple, there is much to agree on.
Make it work: Surviving an LDR can be challenging but also fulfilling. At the end, couples can learn to appreciate each other more having gone through such a tough time together.
Some neglect the importance of small talk when they are together but that is what connect couples together and provides them with a sense of closeness. Couples should be honest about how they feel towards each other. For one, if you decide that the relationship is not working out, it is better to be honest than keep the other person in the dark. Being honest all the time also helps a couple have more faith and a greater sense of security.
Couples can make plans to meet up during their holidays. Have an end sight. Otherwise, frustration will set in and upset the relationship balance. However once plans are made, it is important to keep promises.
You need to be extra demonstrative. Little things that could be done easily before the LDR now require more effort. However, they are also better appreciated. Trust is the golden word. Being suspicious and over-sensitive will only cause frustration.
Couples have to look out for certain warning sighs, too. Tell your friends you are going to be in a LDR and that "that's the end" look appears. But don't allow them to affect your decisions. Girls think men are sweet and nice if they wait faithfully. However, this "nice guy" advantage vanishes the instant they try to make use of it. Remain the sweet and faithful man you are. Birthdays and Valentine's Day can be killers. Think of ways to pass them with other loved ones. Also, time could be taken to create gifts to send to your other.
And in the end, Happily Ever After may just be more fulfilling than ever for a couple that passes the test of time and space."
My relationship has been tested for 6 months and 18 more months to go. A test of love, faith, trust and even patience. Insya'Allah, I hope and really hope that our relationship will survive forever no matter whatever may come...
Love him....(=
QueenLiyn@18:32
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un-cheery
I've been in a pretty uncheerful mood. Partly because I'm exhausted and partly because I have to wait another week before I meet him again. Didn't touch my books for the past two days and I'm not touching it tonight. Perhaps, I'll start my engine again tomorrow.
Ok...my weekends. Equals to bad. Well, there's the good and bad things.
Starting from yesterday. Yesterday morning, went out for breakfast with my dearest, at my hometown which I grew up 21 years ago. We both had yummy chicken noodle. After that, walked around Westmall for a while and we headed back home. Although we spent the day with each other for a few hours, I
tak dapat lepaskan rindu. Urh yes
....itu yang aku geramkan.
Abis nak buat macam maner? I don't want to look desperate. I wish he's more romantic...
LOL....
Then later in the night, went over to my cousin's place to help her cook for her engagement party today. I also met my primary school friend, Hafizah and her to-be fiancee, last night too. Anyway, believe it or not...I cooked mutton curry and Bali style beef in a HUGE pot, with the help of my aunt. And believe it or not, the beef turned out great. Well, I got satisfaction from that...hehehe....
Today, attended the party and helped in the kitchen, yet again. Fortunately, Juni, Lina and family, turned up and I got the chance to get away from the kitchen for a while. We chatted, like we always do. I ended the day feeling very lousy and exhausted...
*sighs*
Tomorrow, a new school week. 9 more weeks to go before the exams.
QueenLiyn@18:36
------------------------------------------------------------
finally...
I'm pretty sleepy now. Dizzy too, maybe due to the heat.
And today, I'm happier.
Cause I finally met him.
After 3 weeks.
Yes.
Finally.
Happiness engulf me, yet again. (=
Having breakfast with him tomorrow.
Like always...can't wait!
QueenLiyn@23:53
------------------------------------------------------------
the thing i miss most...
I miss eating butter croissants, dipped into bitter coffee. I used to have it almost every morning, now there's no more of that.
I miss talking on the phone with him every night, with my heart beating so fast until I forgot what I want and need to say. It's so different now, cause we have not given each other undivided attention for quite some time.
I miss indulging myself with good food without getting worried about my weight. Junk food, fatty food, sweet desserts, carbohydrates, chocolates and more chocolates!!
But the thing that I miss most, is my old self. The girl who is not self-conscious and always taking life in her own stride, never caring what others would say...
There's no doubt that I'm missing him...
QueenLiyn@18:35
------------------------------------------------------------
not much
Tomorrow is NTU's Union Day. Many people declare tomorrow as a holiday. Me? I'm going to school tomorrow to do my revision for this week's tutorials plus to do Friday's tutorials. Sadly, I've frozen my assets, so I can't join Zhaowei and Denise for a shopping trip to Bugis tomorrow.
I've got nothing much to say. Meeting Jieli and Suria tomorrow...
Till then...Good Nitez!~
QueenLiyn@22:31
------------------------------------------------------------
i hate last minute stuffs
Today is like any other schooling days. Go to school. Attend lectures. Write down whatever the professor says and give my full attention. Stayed back after school to discuss about a proposal that we have to submit this Thursday. It's very irritating. A last minute thingy from the stupid professor. I want to get rid of it ASAP.
Reminder for all: I HATE LAST MINUTE THINGS NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
Didn't do any tutorials today cause my head is spinning. Too much information going into my brain already. I'm also distracted with the fact that I'm FAT. I gained a few kilos and a few kilos, to me, equals to many-many kilos. I don't know what's making my appetite increase but I just can't seem to control my food intake and I don't have the habit to count calories.
I want my below-60kilos weight back. But I don't know how....??
Anyway, I don't know how to describe it but I miss him, VERY MUCH. I kept thinking about him the whole day and every other day. I miss his warmth. I miss his smile. I miss his scent and definitely, I miss his company.
This year has taught me a lot of things about being in a relationship. It wasn't easy this year. Well, when a girl says that she loves a guy, it means that the guy means the whole world to her. He is the one who makes her happy and the one who'll light up the darkest corners of her life. She would do anything for him. She will always be there whenever he needs someone. She will support him in whatever he wants to do and whatever decision he makes. She will help him up when he falls. And when he disappoints her, she never tells him how much it hurts. Even when she cries a thousand tears for him, he will never know. No matter how much he hurts her, she never stopped loving him. All she seeks from him is his undivided attention, security, passion an definitely his love.
He knows how many times I've gotten mad at him for this whole year unlike the past years. Rest assured, I never gave up on our relationship or that I'm going to stop trying. He means everything to me and I'll never destroy something that I've built. (
I've said that dozens of times...hehe)
A note for everyone: Please stop thinking that being in a University is an easy thing. If you ain't strong enough mentally and emotionally, don't even think of getting into one. That's my honest opinion. It doesn't matter whether you are smart or not. It's the faith you have in yourself and the One above.
I'm not smart, neither am I intelligent. But I worked hard and hard work pays.
QueenLiyn@21:56
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the blues
My 2nd entry for the day.
After a conversation with my dearest, I have the weirdest feeling ever. I think I talked a lot of crap. I didn't realize that I'm talking to him like I always talk to my girlfriends. I feel so senseless.
Probably, tonight, the build-up of the tension inside me is increasing. In turn, I behaved like not myself.
*
sighs*
QueenLiyn@23:43
------------------------------------------------------------
no mood
In the school computer lab right now. Waiting for time to pass by.
I'm so not in the mood for school now but I have to get out of the house, no matter what. This morning, I purposely made myself late for the first lecture of the day. I dilly-dallied at home and I reached the lecture theatre 20 minutes late.
Next week, I'll have to apply for next year's Industrial Attachment. Time is passing by very fast and still, I'm in the honeymoon mood. I've gotta buck up before the quizzes start coming in. I just don't know how. Like what Miss Ho said, "
We come to school not to study, but to have fun."
*
sighs*
I'm still not in the mood for school.....
QueenLiyn@11:54
------------------------------------------------------------
a random one...
Hmmm....I want to blog but it seems that I have nothing to blog about.
Yesterday, went to Changi Airport. Bought my favourite candies and a cute little pouch for my handphone. After that, went bowling at Marine Bowl. Gargh! I am never good in anything that has to do with sports. I
SUCK in SPORTS.
I'm feeling very restless.
Don't know why.
Attempted my tutorials just now. Damn! They are
HARD. Managed to solve only 1 part of question 1 for tomorrow's Hydraulics tutorial. I can't even solve anything in Structure Design. Lastly, I gave up after deriving an equation for Geo-Environmental Engineering tutorial.
I'm still feeling restless.
I MISS HIM LAH!!
QueenLiyn@23:55
------------------------------------------------------------
cheesy, meaty bites
He just made me feel so emo. *
sniff sniff*
The boyfriend is off to KL tomorrow morning. *
sighs* What's 2 days when I've lived without him for a week?
Maybe things are different now. I need him more than I used to, with each passing day. I'm not trying to be demanding cause that will make me a bad girlfriend. I'm just missing him....
BADLY.
I'm going to bury myself
DEEP into my tutorials for the next 2 days, although I know that it won't work. Cause his name is already carved onto my heart....
*
blinks-blinks*
Anyway....this afternoon, or
hmmm....should I say yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the girls, excluding Jieli and Steph, at Pizza Hut JP. We tried the new cheesy bites. The cheesy bites were delicious but I couldn't really stomach the pizza, cause it's soo damn meaty.
I've uploaded the photos at my
Multiply site. Check them out!!
And
oh yah....a warm welcome to a new member of our "clique", Nadia!! Hehehe....the crazyness has yet to begin...
QueenLiyn@00:22
------------------------------------------------------------
assets frozen
I'm currently in the school library right now. Printing notes for the upcoming lectures and tutorials. I'm going to start revising for this week's tutorials tonight (
at the mosque), especially for Hydraulics and Structure Design. I'm so scared of being left behind.
Anyway, this morning, I think my baby is feeling better. He's been pretty quiet. I checked on him before I went out this morning to ensure that he isn't running a fever. If not, I have to feed him his medicine again. Thank God, he's recovering.
You know, nowadays, after freezing my assets, every morning, I'll frown at the fact that I only have a small amount of cash to spend on. But I've got to get used to it. *
sighs* I have to think of the long term benefit rather than to just satisfy my short-term desires. Liyana must start saving!!!
This is such a random entry.. The virtual world is getting boringggg.....
QueenLiyn@09:56
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sick and unwell
Ok...let's stop all the lovey-dovey stuffs here....
I've "frozen my assets". Yes...finally, I'm putting a stop to my shopping sprees. I guess enough is enough and I've gotten almost everything that I want/need. My assets will only be accessible during the weekends or when I'm out on a date. Other than that, I've surrendered my cards to my mom.
It's time to start saving and to fight all the temptations.
Anyway, I haven't been totally honest. I've not been in the best of health for more than a week. I looked healthy but I've been having chest pains for days. I just had heart burn this morning. My dearest
medic Hatta said that it's due to HCl from the stomach going up to the heart. And my mom knows that it's a sign that if I don't take care of my health, my gastritis will worsen. I did complain before to Denise in school, last week, about having chest pains...but well, what can she do right?
Oh wells...I still have the cheek to fast. But I'll be alright after taking medicine and to eat well.
Talking about being unwell. My baby is sick too. He's been walking around so damn slowly and sickly. He's been vomitting and shitting too much. He's losing weight too. Just gave him his medicine too.
Oklah...to end this whole entry...I just want to say yet again, I MISS HIM!!!!
QueenLiyn@23:47
------------------------------------------------------------
the challenges in a relationship
Oh
God...why must you make my life so hard? I miss him very much. A weekend not meeting him is a week without any love or hope. Exaggerating, I know, but I've already missed him so much that I couldn't stand it anymore.
Last weekend, he got plans. This weekend, he's going to KL. Next weekend, it's my turn to have plans. It sucks, you know. Oh
God, you know I can't live without him. All I wish is for life to be easier. And for my love to prosper.
It has been tough on both me and him. We both worked hard in maintaining this relationship for the past 2 years. I know that the more challenges and restrictions, the better our relationship will be. All I want is for the both of us to be happy.
I'm so sad now. When can I meet him again?
Well...
where there's a will, there's always a way.
The good thing is that our anniversary is coming. Will he remember? Too bad it happens to be the fasting month. *
hint hint* Cannot hanky-panky. Wahahahahaha!! Kidding-
lah. The bad thing is that we never meet during the fasting month and I don't know whether there'll even be a Hari Raya for us.
Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan Maha menentukan. *
sighs*
What can I say?
HE has the power in the whole world. We can only hope for the BEST.
QueenLiyn@20:11
------------------------------------------------------------
study of Man
A conversation between me, Denise and Aisyah, in the MRT, on our way home:
Me: *sighs* Tonight, must study, MAN!Denise: Huh? Study man?Aisyah & Me: *smiles*Me: Yah. Tonight, must study, MAN! *giggles*Aisyah: You don't get it?Denise: Huh? Study what man? Study Hatta?Me: LMAO. Nolah. (And again) Tonight, must study, MAN!Aisyah (to me): Denise very slow eh. Denise: ????????Me: Tonight, must study "komma" Man!After a few minutes......Denise (to me): You bluff me. I thought you said that you are studying man.Me: Wahahahahahaha!!!Sorry Denise...hehehe...I just can't forget that.
Well, I've been digging into my tutorials since I got back from school. Tomorrow's tutorial on 'Wastewater Engineering" is pretty confusing. I don't even know what are the questions talking about. Other than that I was revising on today's tutorials, on "Hydraulics" and "Structure Design". This time Strucs is pretty tough. Again, I don't know what is it about.
I'm growing fat ler. Tomorrow and Wednesday, I've decided to fast. Like my boyfriend said, to let the digestive system rest. Anyway, I really am putting on some weight.
Miss my darling very much...*
sighs*...n love him too...=)
QueenLiyn@21:53
------------------------------------------------------------
everything
I just smiled after reading Suria's latest entry. She so CUTE...hehehe.. Urh yes...don't worry.. I won't tell anyone anything.
It's been a pretty gloomy day for me. I didn't smile or laugh for the whole day. I didn't study either. I was either glued to the tv screen or that I'm waiting.
I'm so envious of Suria...for having such a sweet boyfriend. Why can't my boyfriend be the same? At least, to make me happy.
What more do I want from him? Honestly, I want everything....
QueenLiyn@19:46
------------------------------------------------------------
my love remains unaltered
I was pretty tired today to start my revision. Had to tuition my brother Maths and it seems that I have to do everything for him. Very tiring leh....
Oh yah...sadly, I'm not meeting my dearest tomorrow. He has plans. Well, I can stay home to do my revision and hopefully, I will be able to get plenty of rest before the start of a new week in school. Will miss him very much though. It's like our relationship is kinda of a long distance one, although he lives only a few blocks away from me.
I think I made the wrong move last night. I was pretty embarrassed. Been thinking all night and I guess he's right. I guess for now, both of us should enjoy our youth as much as we can and especially enjoy being in each other's company.
See...I learn something from him. Amidst all the madness that he caused, my feelings for him remains unaltered. You know like they say, cherish the person who loves you before they are gone.
QueenLiyn@23:13
------------------------------------------------------------
shopping is fun!!
Last day of my first week in school. School has been pretty okay for me. I've been paying attention in lectures. So proud of it. Hee....next week, we all have to start our power engine cause the load will start coming in. This weekend, it's time to dig into tutorials again. Will have to do some reading before going out tomorrow...
Today, we had 4 hours break and the 5 fo us, Me, Denise, Jieli, Steph and Zhaowei, went to JP for a sumptious lunch. After that, me, Denise and Zhaowei, went on a shopping trip. There's always something to buy there. I bought my 3rd pair of new shoes. Zhaowei bought a pair of Levis jeans whereas Denise bought for herself a top from Utopia. We all spent....and shopping was pretty tiring! We went back to school at around 3pm for our last hour of lecture. I was still in a shopping mood during the lecture and I finally bought a Puma bag from the school carnival at a DAMN cheap price!!
Anyway, after nagging at him last night, I feel much much better this morning after letting it all out. We'll see how long it'll last before I break out again. Can't wait to meet him this weekend. Wonder what where we are eating this time round...hehe...
QueenLiyn@22:15
------------------------------------------------------------
when too much means enough...
I don't know whether it's me or him. Maybe we have yet to understand each other totally. Maybe he doesn't know how to take care of my feelings. Yet again, he made the same mistake again.
It sucks you know....
I still feel like I'm the least important to him. It's like as if I never exist. Everything also I have to point out to him. This is not the first time
ok...it's been numerous times. The word "
sorry" doesn't mean anything if he doesn't mean what he say. If he knows that he made that mistake last time, why did he repeat it again?
I guess I give in too much.
It's time I say what I really really want in this relationship.
QueenLiyn@23:39
------------------------------------------------------------
at a point of time...
Before I begin, I would like to say
..."HAPPY 41st BIRTHDAY to SINGAPORE!!"Here...I'm blogging about yesterday.
It was the 2nd day of a new semester. Not so bad. Came to school earlier to do some printing of the notes in the library. Hang out with Denise and Aisyah for lunch, as per usual. After school, I went to do some shopping alone. Bought a bottle of make-up remover for face and another bottle for eyes at Missha.
Ahh...yes vanity has eventually struck me to pamper myself with cosmetics like every woman do. I've been looking very natural for years but now, I guess it's time for a change, yet again. I even wear some make-up to school, except for mascara and lip gloss. At least this time, I'm able to conceal my imperfections.
Anyway, this morning, I woke up from a bad dream. One of those dreams that I can barely forget. I dreamt that he cheated on me and I saw everything with my own eyes. The Internet existed in my dream and everything was pretty clear to me. He might just laugh it off but he doesn't know how devastated I was in the dream. I didn't cry in that dream. Well, for those who knows how being heartbroken is like, crying is not how it feels like.
I still remember how it feels. Although, there's no point raking up the past but I remembered how I suffered in silence as my heart was being torn into pieces and how I knocked my head onto the wall calling myself an "Idiot". I wasn't a good sight.
Now, I understand why. I always say,
there's always a reason behind everything. At least, I became stronger after all that. I might have found a better someone but there's always insecurity in the relationship. Honestly, at one point of time, I did
menyeleweng from my relationship cause I wasn't getting what I want. Thank God, I was mature enough to think and act fast before things become more complicated. I don't want to destroy what I built.
The thing is that, I don't want to get my heart broken anymore. My heart has been scarred. I don't want to land myself in that situation anymore. Thank God the dream wasn't true. I've placed my trust on him, and I believe that he knows what's right and wrong.
QueenLiyn@01:30
------------------------------------------------------------
the corny-ness of LOVEEEEeee...
Today, is the first day of school. I was pretty excited to go to school and meet my friends. During the first lecture, I was so sleepy already cause the professor was so DAMN boring. I don't even know what he's talking about although I know it's about "
Pumps". I was more awake during the second lecture as the professor was more
hip and crappy. Hehe...
Anyway, me and Suria came about talking about something serious in a relationship. We were talking about something sensitive which is religion. It seems that sometimes we wonder, how do we depend on the guys we love in the future
untuk bimbingan agama. It's very important that they are stronger in their faith and religion compared to us as they are the ones who are responsible in leading us and our children to the right path.
*
sighs*
Other than that, we were sharing with each other how funny and corny our boyfriends are. Everything that she said about hers...mine is more extreme. Hahaha...we were laughing our asses off all the way to Orchard.
I miss my loveee...hope he's doing well.
QueenLiyn@20:39
------------------------------------------------------------
a day i never want to end
Today, is my last day of my 3-months vacation. Tomorrow, I'm back to school. I'll miss slacking, having fun and all the spending but at least, I'm not stucked at home anymore. Let's just think positive, I'll get to hang out with my friends, crap around and eat whatever I want...
Hehehehe....
Anyway, I was too tired to blog about yesteday, so here goes. I was out with my dearest for the longest time yesterday. He came over to my house around 11.30am. I let him try my wantons and later, we browsed through some of our secondary school photos. We only went off around 12.40pm. First we went to Marina Square for a movie. We watched "The Lake House". It was pretty good for a romance movie although it leaves some questions in our head. It's rather unrealistic actually. In reality, we can't alter the past to change the future. It's so against the law of God.
After that, while waiting for it to get dark, we explored the shopping mall. We went from boutique to boutique. From Puma to Zara/Zara Man, to Topshop/Topman, to MNG, to Miss Selfridge and
blah blah blah blah. We went out of Marina and walked to Millenia. Went to the military figurines shop and explored the candy store there. I bought some pretzels. It was too SALTY until I
takleh angkat lagi that I pushed the whole packet to him. We bumped into his poly bestie and his girlfriend on our way out for dinner.
We had a sumptious BBQ meal for dinner at the heavily packed Marina Sq foodcourt. The food was delicious for a normal foodcourt food. We only realized that yesterday, there would be fireworks display when we see how crowded and congested the area around Marina and Esplanade. We walked through the crowd and by the time we reached the best spot to stand which was in the middle of the road near Fullerton, we were both sweaty.
Oh wells, we get a rather good view of the fireworks. Before the display began, I even jokingly asked him to carry me, to get a better view. Hehehe... It was a beautiful display of fireworks which lasted for a whole 15minutes. We were watching silently while I kept clicking the digicam.
This was another first time for us. You know, watching the fireworks together with the one you love. In the first place, I thought we could have a quiet walk along the river outside Esplanade but in the end we were caught in the crowd and watched the fireworks display instead.
Romantic? Not really...hehe...with all the people around us...
nah...
Anyway, we ended the day with a 1h 10min busride to Sembawang. He studied on the bus while I watched and I nearly dozed off. We did talk crap all the way home. Ahh...we don't mushy mushy in person. I guess it's not in the both of us. Haha... Reached our place(s) at almost midnight.
Well, honestly, I never want the day to end. Although I was pretty exhausted but I never can get enough, especially when I'm out with him. I suddenly find starting school tomorrow half draggy, half excited cause I didn't want yesterday to end. I want yesterday to be everyday. *sighs*
It's a good feeling to love and being loved. I never say this much nowadays...but I love him, no matter what...
QueenLiyn@23:44
------------------------------------------------------------
tired
I just got back home an hour earlier. I was out for the whole day...
So pooped out now.
Will blog about everything later.
For now...I'll
ZzzzzzzzzZZzzz....
QueenLiyn@00:39
------------------------------------------------------------
last experiment
Today, I did my last experiment, triple chocolate muffins. This time, I really made muffins. Mini ones actually... Oh wells, like I've said, this is my last experiment till the next time I have my long vacation. For now, I'll MIA from the kitchen.
Well, I've cleaned up my room, once again, except for my desk and did all my laundry. I feel pretty satisfied with my room now.
Anyway, I can't wait to be out with my dearest TOMORROW!!! I have him all to myself for a day!! YiPee!!
=)
QueenLiyn@23:58
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faith will keep me strong
Tonight, while attending my religious class. I got some enlightenment. I realize that to overcome obstacles and the difficulties we faced in life, we must have faith in ourselves and in
Yang Maha Esa. In this way, no matter how hard life can be, we'll still be peaceful at heart and soul. Ustazah told us that we have to have a strong
'Aqidah and
Iman (faith) in order to be strong. Like they say, "
Kami hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan." which means we can only plan but
Allah decides our
takdir(fate).
So, coming straight to the point, I still lack the faith I have, especially in myself. I brokedown when coming face to face with failure. I might appear strong on the outside, but the person inside me is as fragile as glass. My ego is as hard as a rock but my mom said that I'm "
ego tapi gembeng" which means I'm egoistic but I'm a crybaby. My mom has always been the one to tell me, "
Stop crying! You can always try again. Shame on you for crying!"The thing is that I failed too many times that I can't take failure anymore. I've become someone whose such a perfectionist that it's destroying the person inside me. Now, I'm going to learn to have faith in myself, especially, and also in the power of
Allah. I believe that nothing is impossible with
Allah.
Alhamdulillah. I've fulfilled many of my dreams. I got most of what I've been praying for and what I've worked hard for. I'm still going through everyday's obstacles and I'm happy with what Allah has given me.
Now, I'm working towards a goal. I'm giving myself a new life and new oppurtunities. I'm gonna test myself in everything. I'm going to mature up and control my mood swings. I'm going to give myself another chance to brush up on my studies by lightening my load. It's time to take charge of my life. It's time to do what's right in everything.
Time to turn a new leaf. Every step that I'm going to take right now is by careful consideration. Ahh yes.....you can see so many changes which I made in my life. It's more towards the physical thingys. Oh well, I'm desperate for a change.
A change to a better me.
I'm gonna learn never to listen to anyone who brings you down or pushes you away. Now, I'll let people who talk rot or bad-mouthed me to say whatever they want. This is one way for me to change.
Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri.
I've had enough. Well, I am who I am and I know what's best for me.
I'm not perfect, you know. I'm still human.
QueenLiyn@23:47
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no point raking up d past
This morning, I woke up in a daze. I woke up from a dream of me and him. We went all the way back to the secondary school days. I remembered that there were Sukhairen, Johan, Yee Chuan and even Chee Kiat. We were all in our Kranji uniform. I felt like myself. Like who I am now. One thing different about that dream was that I am with him and I was damn happy.
A dream that I never had.Reality bites, we are both way past those times. We have matured through the years and even things have changed between us. There's no point raking up the past or even wanting to turn back time.
*
sighs* I miss him.....
Anyway, today I made mini wantons. It's purrrfect. I even made a special sauce for it. My brothers love it. Gonna make more to store it. Next, triple chocolate muffins before school officially reopens!!
I think that's all for now...Adios!~
QueenLiyn@22:13
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supper & blogging
I'm having supper now. Munching on Marie biscuits and very hot milo. I didn't eat dinner so, I'm pretty famished now.
You know, the feeling is bugging me. It's scary. But...I've got to face it no matter what....
The good thing is that he's coming back this weekend. I'll be looking forward to his coming home this week. Actually, every week, I look forward to meeting him and all. He just makes my day. Without him for a week, my week will be my worst week. He has hypnotized me until I can't live without him....
Hehe...soo mushy...
Oklah...tomorrow, I'm making wantons. A first experience. Hopefully, it'll turn out successful.
For now....Ciaox!~
QueenLiyn@23:46
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