My 4 consecutive off-days are over. Tomorrow, I'm back to work. Not really looking forward to that. I'm looking forward more to my date with my dearesssst after work tomorrow.
Hehehe...like always, cant wait!! Missing him pretty badly actually....
Got my pay from Atotech this afternoon. Will not be inside my account till next Tuesday. Next week is also my last week of work at Isetan. Now, I don't know what I'm gonna do after next week. I've got a month before school officially reopens.
Should I just rot at home? Or bake something and become a temporary "housegirl"? Hmmm....maybe start to cook meals??? LOL...we'll see....
I couldn't stop thinking of what my father did to me last night. I thought that every parent should be proud and supportive of their children. I never thought that I would be so ashamed of facing others due to what he said to them. I was so angry and embarrassed that I had to demand an apology from him.
Sometimes it really hurts to know that my father do not have as much faith as Hatta do for me. It hurts so much that it makes me wonder whether he'll ever be proud of what I do or that whether he ever do love me.
I'm not a child anymore. I have feelings and a huge brain to think.
Anyway, I've been doing word puzzles all day. I had the book since I was 12 and never had the time to complete it. It's a way to exercise the brain when it's not functioning it's usual way. In other words, when I'm not studying.
I miss my dearest very much. I hope we are able to meet this Saturday. No matter how busy I am nowadays, he'll always be on my mind and that he'll always be the one I want to see everyday. Love is crazy but it made me happier. It's nice to have someone who loves me and cares for me. A dream that I never thought that I would have. Well, here's something that I made a few days ago:
Finally, today is my off-day. Will not be working till Friday. Have to rest the feet which is almost wearing out at it's sides due to being inside "cramped" shoes for 5 consecutive days.
The good thing is that I'm getting my pay from Atotech at the end of this week, hopefully, and next Friday, I'm getting my first pay from MNG. Whoopee!! First thing that I'm gonna do with my pay, is to pay for all my reserves at MNG. Then, buy the toy which I promised Zufi. Not forgetting, Delifrance with my dearest...maybe more than that too!
Hmmm....I'm bored. Been thinking about him......Missing him....
I'm sick ler. I thought it's gastritis but actually, I'm having diarrhea. Running a slight fever too. Hopefully, after a night's sleep, I'll feel better.
Anyway, tomorrow and Friday, I'll be working full shifts for 15 hrs. I've really got no feeling towards the exhaustion that I'm gonna experience for the next coming days. I only want to spend my vacation earning extra bucks to satisfy my pleasure later on.
Sadly, for this week, although I'll be working the morning shift during the weekends, I won't be able to meet him. He's studying for his upcoming tests. Guess what...he's in medicine school, to be precise, military medicine school. But damn, he's in medical school!!! I'm sooooo jealous of him!! Our roles and careers are being swapped now.
See...such a coincidence. You know, I have a dream since I was 16 on who I want to marry. You see, my ambition was to become someone who is in the medical field but I want an engineer as a husband. Well, I wasn't able to get into medical school and I became an engineer instead. It seems that now, I'm the engineer and my significant other is in the medical field. Funny right....I thought about this all night and I guess, life is so damn unpredictable.
Today, it was my first day at work at Isetan. Won't be working for the next two days. Work will commence for me on Thursday all the way to next Monday.
I'm pretty excited now although feeling rather shagged becauseI reserved lotsa nice clothes for myself at work just now!! Woohoo!!! I reserved a brown blazer after 50% off, a knitted top, a pink spaghetti strapped "Rose" top, black long sleeves and a half-buttoned green top. Woooaahh!! Imagine a shopaholic like me going crazy at work. Hehehehe...all the cheap stuffs caught my eye... Now, I'm thinking of reserving bags for myself.
Kekekekeke.....now, I need more black tops for work. Will be dropping by at Giordano for polo tees and lycra tops...
Overall, doing a sales job isn't that bad after all although at the end of the day, I had a very bad headache. Oh wells, a new experience for me though...
The boyfriend is away since this morning. Don't know how long he will be away but hopefully, he'll call me soon!!!!!
Tomorrow is my first day of work at Isetan. I don't really know what to expect but hopefully, it won't be that bad a job after all. New experience. New environment. New friends.
Hmmm....been snoozing like a pig ever since I got back from the cemetary. Catching up on a week's sleep.
Today, I spent my whole day with my dearest. Firstly, we went to my friend's birthday bash at Serangoon. We were pretty early. The first customer actually. Hahaha...but well, it was a first experience for the both of us cause we attended an event together.
Later in the evening, we headed to Toa Payoh. We had dinner with my family at Home TeamNS JOM at the Islamic Bistro & Cafe. It wasn't an awkward situation for him cause it wasn't his first time meeting my parents. Trust me, I don't really know how it feels like to be with someone else's family. He actually handled the situation pretty well, I guess, and also, he fitted in.
Next week, we'll both be experiencing new things at the same time. It's such a coincidence that both of our lives actually complemented each other although we currently lead two totally different lives.
I'm glad that I'm with him. Sometimes, being faraway from him for a period of time drives me up the wall but reliving the moment after that period of time is the best feeling of all... Love him lotz!
Finally!! My work is done at Atotech. A week feels like a month. It's so damn tiring. My muscles are aching pretty badly. I hope by next week, my whole body will be seasoned for the GSS.
Tomorrow, going out with my darling again. I have him to myself for the whole day!!! Hehehe... Going to Titek's 21st birthday bash and then, to have dinner with my folks. Gonna be an interesting day tomorrow....
Two more days to the end of my laboratory work at Atotech. I can't believe that I don't enjoy the work anymore. Maybe it has become more like a chore to me rather than something that I love to do. My legs are aching pretty badly and so is my back. It's like as if a heavy weight being placed on top of me. I just can't wait for this job to end.....
Anyway, went out with my darling after work this evening. Watched Ultraman Nexus at Jurong Point. Hahahaha....had a sumptuous meal at Pizza Hut after that. Meeting him again this Saturday. Like always, can't wait!
First day of work is pretty tiring. I'm glad to be back in Atotech although it's gonna be only for a week. It's been a year since I stepped into the company. I felt so popular when people start shaking my hands, smiling at me and even shouting my name. It's like everyone knows me!!! I feel good about it.
Made new friends too. A bunch of smart-assed people. Hehehe....
Woke up like an hour earlier than the time I set for the alarm. Funnily, I do enjoy waking up so early and the silence of the morning. Now, I'm so damn sleepy.
I thought I need retail therapy pretty badly. But my horoscope says otherwise...
The Bottom Line Too much excess can cloud your judgment. Don't let frivolous things turn your head.
In Detail It's fine to treat yourself to a nice dinner, a splurgey vacation or some expensive new shoes every once in a while, but right now, you're not going to find any clarity in luxury. Shopping trips won't help you figure things out -- retail therapy will only add to your confusion. Instead, go for a minimalist experience with a friend or romantic partner and get back in touch with the simple life. Frivolous things won't bring the joy they once did.
Yes, time passes by so damn fast that tomorrow, is my first day at work. Honestly, it's not a good feeling. I hate waking up so early and it's been quite some time since I woke up at 6.30am. Even during last semester, I skipped morning classes in order to sleep longer.
Anyway, I'm currently broke. Will only be getting my pay at the end of this week. Even so, I have to support myself using my first pay throughout the time I'm gonna work at MNG. I'll learn, don't worry.
Hmmm....I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. It's been more than 2 weeks since I've seen him. Does it ever matter to him? *sighs* I don't know what to think. Love made me strong, but at the same time, it left me weak, both in a good and bad way. I'm torn between my self-consciousness and reality.
At times, I just wish that both of us can sit down and talk just about US.
Just got back home. Sent my kebayas for altering cause it seems that they are getting bigger for me. Bought a new pair of shoes for work from OG as it's having a 20% sale. My very first flats. Hehe...will be getting more of it.
Anyway, my dearest is away on holiday since yesterday after being locked up in Tekong for 14 weeks! So fortunate of him to be able to go for a holiday. The good thing is that he's coming back tomorrow!
Earlier this month, I thought I am doomed to stay at home for 3 whole months when I lost a job at Atotech. I was feeling so lousy cause I don't want to be cooped up at home for that long.
Funnily, fate gave me a surprise. Now, I ended up having two jobs. It's not too bad cause I'm working at Atotech as a lab technician for a week then, I'll work at MNG, Isetan as a sales associate for the rest of my vacation. Ehem ehem...to the shopaholics...if you want more info on MNG sales, just tag me.
I just can't wait to fill up my wardrobe with MNG. (I'm eyeing the blazer...)
Anyway, my last entry was rather harsh on him. I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. But you've upset-ted me and I don't understand why. Yes, I realised that I was pretty irritating but....I'm seeking your attention and I just don't think I got it. The fact that you can't differentiate between being just friends and being more than that, disturbs me. I thought we were supposed to keep in touch like every minute of the day. No kidding. The thing is that I can actually count how many times I message you. It's just that I think I deserve a better treatment from you.
Oh wells...I've forgiven you but don't expect me to forget this.
A note >>> Don't make promises if you don't intend to keep it cause it's better said than done. It's normal for us to remember the flaws rather than the flows of someone.
There's so much differences between the both of us. Time has made us accept each others differences and it has made us fit together like as if we've been together forever. I've appreciate the times that we spent with each other and how we complement each other. I never want those to go to waste. I'm really truly sorry for being hard on you, my dear, but you've gotta learn in one way or another.....
So, today I went out. I had to somehow "drown" my sorrows. It's either I splurge or I binge. As I'm broke, I chose to binge. Went to Straits Kitchen, Hyatt Hotel, with a friend to eat, eat and eat.
Yes, I had to find a replacement. The boyfriend, like always, isn't there for me. Instead, I confessed everything to my friend. I had to actually pour everything which means that my friend knows some of my dark secrets. Well, I won't put it up here or say anything to anyone cause it would create a bad mark on my reputation and maybe even make others angry.
For once, I thank that friend for spending the time with me and even giving me appropriate advice that I really do need. You know who you are...aite?
You know, I'm like a rebellious teenager trying to find my way in this life although I'm already an adult. The only thing I need is my freedom and for my parents to be able to respect my choices in life cause I'm old and mature enough to find my way through.
Even so, some people just don't understand me. What's the point of dancing around my exam results cause I don't feel anything for it. When I need you, you weren't around. You were never around. And again, I had to seek attention from you. Again and again and again. When I told you that I missed you, you took those words for granted and thought that they were just merely words without any feelings. You took me for granted and I'm not gonna forgive you for that. This shows that you don't know how to take care of me and my feelings.
But no matter how insensitive you are, no matter how much I had to seek your attention, I never stopped loving you....
It's almost 1am. My eyes are rather swollen but I just can't get to sleep. Watching "One Tree Hill" on YouTube.com to lullaby myself to sleep.
He's back for good tomorrow. I miss him very much but it's all in my heart. Some things I just can't get off my mind. I've never said this to anyone, this is between me and my father. I remembered what I confessed to my father about how I felt for Hatta, last year. I told him that this is different, something that I've never felt before in my whole life. It's special and that I love him. What my father said to me, stung me till now. I can never forget his words. I hate him for what he said.
I never told my mom about it or even to Hatta. I can't believe that my father has very little faith in me. His words still sting me till now and it hurts so bad that I just wish I could disappear into thin air.
I thought that I can forget everything negative which he comments about me. But I was wrong. It just keeps getting worst. He criticised me in many ways. Me being an undergrad is like so wrong to him. Me being in love is wrong. Me not liking to do housework is wrong and all that stupid shit.
I thought that fathers are supposed to pamper their daughters...
Only God knows how I felt and how my tears just keep flowing...
Yupz, I pulled through like I always do. It wasn't as good as my poly results, but I'm glad that I passed everything.
And I got a job too, at MNG, Isetan and will be starting work next week onwards. Gonna get myself a new phone as well as a new wardrobe with the money that I'm gonna earn.
Ok....let's spill the beans. I've been under the weather lately because some things in my life just ain't working out. The fact that people expect too much from me and people laugh at the mistakes I made, it's just wearing me out. I've tried my best but still, it isn't good enough.
It wasn't just my exam results which was bothering me for the past few days but also the way others treat me. Must I always make others happy and satisfied but I'm not happy, myself. Why people lack their faith in me? Why can't I make my own choices? Why must I live in my quiet world, trying to save myself from misery?
I tried to think of the good stuffs in my life as well as to have fun. But it just doesn't work out. I have my friends but I just can't talk to them, cause they have better things to do. I have my dearest, but he's too busy for me and that he'll never understand how I felt. Whereas my parents contribute to the most of my misery.
Sometimes, my dearest becomes part of my unhappiness too. I don't want to be called petty or asking too much, so I would rather keep quiet like I always do.
In the end, I only have myself.
I have everything in my life. It's perfect but I'm not happy.
When I thought that things are going to be screwed up, It all fall back into place. I have Allah to thank for everything that He has granted me. Am I fortunate? Or is it just because of good luck? I believe that my hard work pays. Nothing in this world comes for free.
He's been busy. Too busy to talk to me or spend time with me. But he has been the only one who has faith in me. I thank him for everything.
I'm relieved that I passed but why can't I smile??
INSTRUCTIONS: o1. the tagged victim have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect lover. o2. mention the gender of his/her perfect lover. o3. tag eight victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog. o4. if you are tagged the second time, there's no need to do this AGAIN. o5. the most impt rule: HAVE FUN DOING IT.
My 8 Points : ` Loves me for who I am ` Knows what is good for himself and our relationship ` Sensitive to my feelings and a romantic ` Being able to go through the ups and downs of life with me ` Honest and does not keep anything from me ` Satisfy the criterias of my perfect man (Capable, responsible, loving, caring...etc) ` Able to give me his undivided attention ` Being able to be open with me about anything
While I was reading through Ann's blog, I saw my name. Shocked though. But anyway, here's something that I got from her.
Name Twenty People You Can Think Of Right Now.Dont Read The Questions Until You've Named The 20 People.At The End Of This, Choose Five People To Do This.
If there's a word to describe my day...it would be "HORRIBLE". HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE. So many bad things happened to me today. Okay, I exaggerated a lil bit but damn, it's still A LOT to me!
I'm so sad and disappointed. I just don't want to brood over what happened. My mom said that probably it's not my REZEKI. My dearest said that maybe it's a TEST from God.
Well, I know that they are right. But I remember that behind every misfortune, there's a blessing. Somehow, in my life, that applies. Everytime I lost something or that I met a misfortune, somehow, I got a better replacement for what I've lost. It's like an eye for an eye. It's like I have to lost something before I can get something better. ARGHHHHHH!!!
I hope this time....it involves my examination results. It'll be out on 6 June 2006 and I don't know what to expect. Insya'allah, I'll pull through like I always do.
Need to lighten up a lil bit cause tomorrow is the picnic and I can't wait for the fun & laughter. And well, he's BACK tomorroW!! Heheehehe....
At Titiek's birthday party, on 17 June 2006.
Anyway, my dearest is away on holiday since yesterday after being locked up in Tekong for 14 weeks! So fortunate of him to be able to go for a holiday. The good thing is that he's coming back tomorrow!