doubts.....
Today, I really wasn't myself. There's a difference between being disappointed and being angry. My anger can subside within hours but not my disappointment. It's all because of last night. I never really did recover from his insensitiveness cause he never console or talk to me about it.
I know no matter how long I
merajuk...he'll never
pujuk me. He just doesn't give a damn on how I felt. How do you think I feel when I've been rejected many times? It kept me thinking.... I guess he hasn't been totally honest with me. Seeking his presence seems to be like gold whereas seeking his attention is asking him for diamonds.
What made me feel so unspecial and all? I never gotten enough attention from him, instead, he prefers to give his undying attention to others. I always have to seek attention from him. I feel like as if I've never been appreciated and that he never take our relationship seriously cause I remembered what he said last year. He said that our relationship isn't serious. I was taken aback. Define "
serious" cause I'm looking for
The One.I'm tired of running a one-sided relationship. I felt that I'm wasting all my energy, my tears and my heart to something not worth me building. My heart already starts to bleed cause of the things that I've been keeping inside of me during the times that we are together. I don't expect our relationship to be perfect or flawless. I just expect him to treat me like a girlfriend. Someone that I can rely on in times of trouble. Someone who loves me. Someone who is willing to protect me. Someone whose willing to make me happy.... But.....
Am I not worth for his attention? Am I not worth for him?
I need to let all these things out cause since last night, I've decided that it's time for me to speak my mind. I guess messaging virtually or via sms hasn't been working for me cause I will never know whether he's sincere or not. My heart is scared of losing him but my head is telling me that he doesn't care enough for me to be worthy of my love. To him, I'm just another brick from the wall. Does he love me? Does he ever care for me?
I guess I'm not going to celebrate my birthday with him. All these came to me because he refused to come to my party.
I'm not being paranoid. I just don't understand why. Why it's so hard. And I'm crying now all because of him. If he's reading this and he doesn't want to lose me.....please stop the tears and make me smile again. But if he just doesn't give a damn, tell me straight to my face.....
QueenLiyn@20:54
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