a message...
To those of you who laughed at me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have cried.
To those of you who just couldn't love me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have known real love.
To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have felt them.
To those of you who left me lonely, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have discovered myself.
But it is to those of you who thought I couldn't do it
It is you I thank the most,
Because without you I wouldn't have tried.
QueenLiyn@23:14
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preparation
Today, I officially went shopping. Spent above 100 bucks on clothing and toiletries within 3 hours. The guys were groaning cause I was fickle-minded and going from shop to shop. I bought a 70 bucks dress from First lady for my birthday bash and shockingly, I fitted into a size S. My mother picked both the design and colour and well, I guess she has a good taste.
Other than that, I bought 2 long-sleeved blouses, pink and baby blue, for school. Not forgetting a rather expensive present for Denise...hehe....my mom's pick also. After that, we went to Jalan Sultan for lunch and I couldn't stomach the food there even though it's just prata. Then, we went to Mustafa Centre. I went my separate way cause I need to find my toiletries and I bought a bottle of Lux shower foam, a bottle of Garnier pore unblock scrub and Olay skin moisturizer.
I spend to my heart's content. At the end of the day, I feel good cause shopping is the most satisfying pleasure. I satisfied my lust. LoL. I know it sounds absurd but I think I need more of it...only that for now, I've gotta pocket more $$ before another spree.....
Next, shopping for my mom's birthday present. Know what...her birthday falls a day before mine.........How cool! And I'm going to do something to my hair next Friday...I've just got lots to do before the big event...hehehe...can't wait!!!
QueenLiyn@19:55
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when love taught me how to smile....
I'm having some trouble with my stomach. Probably due to my ignorance when I ate oranges and drank Pepsi with an empty stomach. Well, I don't care cause I refuse to eat any rice!
Naughty Liyana.....
Anyway, this morning, I found out that I've run out of toiletries and I've been living for almost a week without any face scrub. I think my face pores are blocked now and last night, I went to bed without removing the make-up on my face!!! So, that means, toiletries shopping has to come first......
Haiz...today, I try to do what I can. Tried to do Env. Processes tutorial for a start but nothing popped into my big brain when I tried to attempt the questions. So, shifted to Computational Methods and thank God, I managed to do the tutorials. Later, tried to attempt Hydrology, but I've got no mood to do tutorials anymore. Therefore, here I am...feeling retired....
Later, I'll be doing the EID presentation. I'm going slow on it but I know that I can't delay much longer on it cause I have another proposal to start on. Hopefully, I'll be done with my part tonight so that I can handover the presentation to Aisyah soon....
My mom has been asking me questions. I've been confiding in her and talking to her about
you-know, how I've been feeling and especially on last Monday, when I really do need someone to talk to. Told her that I
tak kuasa to do anything about it anymore. I guess I just have to do what I do best which is giving my best in everything that I do. I'm known to be someone who never give up easily.
The fact is that no matter what...I'll still want to be with him. Sometimes, it hurts so damn much but losing him will hurt me much more. The only thing is that I know that he cares for me as much as I do for him.............
QueenLiyn@20:14
------------------------------------------------------------
undermind
Today passes by like a blink of an eye. I'm kinda ecstatic cause I found out about my birthday present and even managed to choose a part of the set. It's a set of
bling-bling w/o a ring. My mom will never buy me a
bling-bling ring cause she thinks that it's rather inappropriate. So sad. And this is the last that I'll ever get a
bling-bling from her.....
Nevermind. I'll live. Haha.......
I feel so hyper now. Gonna do my presentation for EID. Hopefully, I'll get 80% done by tonight so that I can focus on all of my tutorials tomorrow. I've decided to spend my whole day tomorrow, studying. Keeping myself occupied and busy so that I don't think of those
stuffs anymore. I just hate those feelings.
Now, after finding out about what's happening within my EID teammates who are like my friends....I'm pissed. Can't we ever work in a group in peace???? No trust? I feel so undermined.....
QueenLiyn@23:14
------------------------------------------------------------
the blisters still exist
Half of my body hurts right now. It's like as if I'm carrying something heavy inside me. But well, that's what every girl will have to go through every month....
Anyway, today's day isn't that okay. Gloomy mood. Partly, is my pms. Mostly, it's something else. Plus, I got my money today after waiting for so long. I need to do some retail therapy to ease the
tensions inside me......
*
sighs* The truth do hurts. The thing is that...I must know. I have to know. Has all my effort gone to waste over the months that I've been with him and that our relationship is still nowhere near serious? I still don't understand why....
Pity me...I worked so hard for nothing........
QueenLiyn@19:31
------------------------------------------------------------
life seems normal
In the school library right now. 4 hours of break. Supposed to be 3-hours but our dearest Miss Ho complains about the boring Structures tutorial and in the end, we've decided not to attend.
Been sitting here since like 2 hours ago, after brunch. Surfing the Net, printing notes and just doing my research on both my EID project and Tech Comm report. Those are the modules that I aim to do well this semester.
School this semester are much
funner cause
more friends=more fun. I love for the fact that we don't just focus on studying only. I love for the fact that smiling isn't that difficult anymore and going to school everyday doesn't seem to be draggy anymore, especially today. When I woke up this morning, first thing on my mind were the boring Microbio lecture and the continuous tutorials. What made me jump out of bed was the fact that later today, I'll be meeting my dearest.
Finally.
And I'm guilty of eating a lot. Feel fat cause the skirt that I'm wearing now seemed a little bit tighter on my butt. It's always due to the
time-of-the-month which is soon to come. Fark the feeling.
So, now I'm officially free from work. Work at home. Finally, I can study in peace and go out without any restrictions. I just love the feeling of
doing-whatever-I want. My dad actually gave me the permission to do
whatever I want after CNY...but well, I'm gonna start from today.
Well, going to end here. Will be sticking my arse here till 1430hrs......
QueenLiyn@13:19
------------------------------------------------------------
retail therapy
I'm sick again. Running the flu and the throat's sore.....
Anyway, the conflict has been resolved. I'm guilty of being petty but all I want is to be given the proper attention of a girlfriend and that my party is a very important event for me this year. Without his presence, it'll feel like something's missing. Well, sadly, I am unable to change his mind. The thing is that, no matter what, I don't want to lose him......
Didn't go back home straight after school even though I finished early today cause I just don't have the mood to be at home. Instead, I went for retail therapy with Denise at Jurong Point. Didn't spend on anything but we were having fun in one of the dressing rooms in one of the shops. I put on this bare-backed top and damn....I LOOKED UGLY!!! I look so damn fat and
pregnant!!!
Now, it's back to the books again. I need to do much better this semester. Hope I won't fall again......
QueenLiyn@23:47
------------------------------------------------------------
doubts.....
Today, I really wasn't myself. There's a difference between being disappointed and being angry. My anger can subside within hours but not my disappointment. It's all because of last night. I never really did recover from his insensitiveness cause he never console or talk to me about it.
I know no matter how long I
merajuk...he'll never
pujuk me. He just doesn't give a damn on how I felt. How do you think I feel when I've been rejected many times? It kept me thinking.... I guess he hasn't been totally honest with me. Seeking his presence seems to be like gold whereas seeking his attention is asking him for diamonds.
What made me feel so unspecial and all? I never gotten enough attention from him, instead, he prefers to give his undying attention to others. I always have to seek attention from him. I feel like as if I've never been appreciated and that he never take our relationship seriously cause I remembered what he said last year. He said that our relationship isn't serious. I was taken aback. Define "
serious" cause I'm looking for
The One.I'm tired of running a one-sided relationship. I felt that I'm wasting all my energy, my tears and my heart to something not worth me building. My heart already starts to bleed cause of the things that I've been keeping inside of me during the times that we are together. I don't expect our relationship to be perfect or flawless. I just expect him to treat me like a girlfriend. Someone that I can rely on in times of trouble. Someone who loves me. Someone who is willing to protect me. Someone whose willing to make me happy.... But.....
Am I not worth for his attention? Am I not worth for him?
I need to let all these things out cause since last night, I've decided that it's time for me to speak my mind. I guess messaging virtually or via sms hasn't been working for me cause I will never know whether he's sincere or not. My heart is scared of losing him but my head is telling me that he doesn't care enough for me to be worthy of my love. To him, I'm just another brick from the wall. Does he love me? Does he ever care for me?
I guess I'm not going to celebrate my birthday with him. All these came to me because he refused to come to my party.
I'm not being paranoid. I just don't understand why. Why it's so hard. And I'm crying now all because of him. If he's reading this and he doesn't want to lose me.....please stop the tears and make me smile again. But if he just doesn't give a damn, tell me straight to my face.....
QueenLiyn@20:54
------------------------------------------------------------
being petty
Am I just being petty or is it wrong for me to be petty?
But I'm
really really really really disappointed...............
QueenLiyn@23:27
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a principle in life
I'm resting now after a marathon.
Mopped the floor+Baking the cookies+Helped my mom with the cooking+Nagging=MarathonSo pooped now. Later, I've gotta iron my clothes and bake cookies again.
Anyway, I've got this principle in life. I believe that no matter what we all do, we should never let others take advantage or control of us. Cause after years of being taken advantaged on, being be-littled, being gullible and being too ignorant, I've learn to take control of myself and become my own power. I don't believe in undoing others' mistakes or taking the blame for others. I don't believe in giving others
face, rather, I would create oppurtunities for them. I've learned to become more straightforward and if I don't like something, I'll give my very frank opinions.
Recently, I've been letting my parents know that in a way others have been taking advantage of us and we shouldn't give way to them. I taught them how to make things difficult for them. To not waste time or money on them cause in the end, my parents will be the one taking all the blame or that nobody will appreciate them.
I'm angry at those people. I'm angry at people who belittle my mother cause she's my perfect inspiration. I hate people who look down on me. I hate those people who make us outcasts. We worked hard for what we have. I don't believe in sharing our hardwork with people who never contribute to them, but just taking our hardwork for granted.
I am working hard for my future. Sharing it with the wrong people is out of the question. I work hard so that my parents will retire in luxury. I work hard so that the family that I'm going to build in the future will live in luxury. I work hard so that I don't need to rely so much on my other half. I work hard so that I can prove to others that I'm not who they think I am.............
I've always dream of a life without problems. I just don't want others to spoil it for us.
QueenLiyn@19:48
------------------------------------------------------------
fine day
The stomach's in pain since this afternoon. Probably just a normal gastric pain. Or maybe I ate too much chilli today.
Anyway, the day's fine. Tried to do most of my tutorial but I wasn't able to actually really complete them. Tonight, I'm going to finish catching up on POE before Monday's lecture. Tomorrow, I'll attempt my tutorials again....
My dearest is sick.....hope he gets well soon.....
QueenLiyn@22:30
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commitment
Today is just another ordinary day in school. Had Env. Processes lecture in the morning, POE tutorial after that, an hour lunch and ended the day with continuous lectures on Env. Microbio, Hydrology and Computational Methods.
So, hows school so far for me after three weeks? Coping incredibly well except for the fact that POE seems to be too new for me and it's hard for me to understand. Structures I, as a start, is relatively easy for me after taking MOM. I especially love Env. Processes cause it's sooo like Chemical Engineering. Env Microbio. is rather boring because of its high content in biology and same goes for Hydrology cause of its high content in geography. Computational Methods on the other hand, is basically maths but much more advanced because of the concepts that we must know.....
I've been burning my weekends to do all of my tutorials so that I can attend tutorial classes prepared. I just hope this time, the way I commit myself to my schoolwork, will turn out to be worthwhile.
*
sighs* No him tonight. For next Friday also. So boring. Stupid lappy of his create problems at the wrong time.....
Probably I miss him already but I just can't describe the way I feel now....
QueenLiyn@21:15
------------------------------------------------------------
failed mission
Why did I fail again??
WHY? WHY? WHY??
Probably because I just love to eat it....
Not meant to know how to make it....
:(
QueenLiyn@23:37
------------------------------------------------------------
where life's still intact
Have yet to recover from the flu...maybe it's just the weather...
So today is a tutorial day. Had Microbio in the morning, followed by Computational Methods, then Technical Communication and lastly Hydrology. Quite a fun day even though I nearly dozed off during the Hydrology tutorial even when I was sitting right in front of the tutor.
Had a tuna sandwich that I'd made myself for brunch and for dessert, I had a banana+raspberry ice-cream yogurt. My second yogurt ice-cream for the week. It's goodlah...prevents me from suffering constipation. Tomorrow, I'm bringing Japanese food that I've made myself to school. A first-timer. Not easy to cook the sticky rice....
Today was supposed to be a 12-hour day but because most of my peeps decided not to attend the lecture at 1730hrs, so I follow-suit. Instead, we discussed and brainstorm our ideas for our EID project on "Rejuvenating the Nanyang Lake". After brainstorming, we decided to pay the the lake a visit. Haven't decide the content of the project yet but we do have a rough idea on how we are going to do it.
*
sighs* I thought I would be meeting my dearest tomorrow. That hope has flown with the wind to somewhere far faraway.... Maybe it isn't fated. But still, I don't want 11 March to come so early...
Please let me enjoy his company to the fullest first......I love him......no matter what...
QueenLiyn@23:35
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narssiscistic
Still sick. Here comes the flu virus charging on my brain and my body.
Today, it's a rather short day. Went to school for 3 hours of lab. Did flood routing using basic microsoft excel skills. After school, the 6 of us went to JP Banquet to have our brunch. Like always, I had my favourite Fried Fish Bee Hoon there.... Yummm....
Feel like eating a homecooked Japanese food. Went groceries shopping just now to look for Zufi's food, what mom asked me to buy and the ingredients to make the most basic Japanese meal. Sadly, I wasn't able to find anything Japanese, not even the sticky rice!
I can't wait for Chinese New Year to come cause the heavy load placed onto me will finally be lifted. The restrictions of going out, the difficulty to have the mood to study and all that, made me feel so pressurized at home. Another thing is that, on CNY, I'm going for my dress shopping!! Well, nobody has seen me wearing a dress except when I was younger. I'll be shopping for a perfect 21st Birthday dress with my mom!!!!
Above all, I'm still unhappy. Not angry but just plain not happy. I still feel the insensitiveness. STill...i don't see any point in talking about this....
*
sighs* Long day ahead of me......
QueenLiyn@22:05
------------------------------------------------------------
sore throat
Sorry...haven't been blogging. But anyway, I'm having a very bad sore throat since like yesterday. I've not been able to eat peacefully and comfortably cause most of the food that I consumed got stuck in my throat even though I washed it down with plenty of water....
Today, had a good day in school. Although long, but what matters are my friends. They are a fun bunch. We planned a lot of things for the term break and after the semester. Well, I've gotta occupy my time with the friends I have cause in like less than 2 months, my dearest will be off to Tekong.
*
sniff sniff* I wonder whether he'll be like other boyfriends. Whether he'll call me like every night before lights out and all those things. I doubt that cause the thing is that...like yesterday, if I didn't message him...he won't message me. Very sad and unfair to me....
*
sighs* What's the point of talking about it....I can say that he's rather insensitive. Well, I'll let him have his way if he likes it....
Gotta ciao now.....
QueenLiyn@20:50
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d blisters exists
Friday the 13th. I had difficulties in walking around the school comfortably. Stupid shoes. Gave me blisters. Now my feet are in plasters and I'm going to have additional scars on my feet.... Grrr....
Nevermind...a lesson learnt. Next, wearing high heels in school....
ending here...so boring...
QueenLiyn@23:30
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list
Love. Love made me smile today. It feels so good whenever I'm with him. Never thought that sharing an umbrella will be sooo....nice.... I love him lotz and lotz....!!
Anyway, today, school was as per usual. More and more of my peeps are falling asleep in class today, maybe due to our 12 hour day in school yesterday. I tried not to fall asleep by distracting myself with other stuffs. I bought a new pair of Carlo Rinos stilettos and
Aladdin heels from the Seiyu NTU-student funds. They cost a mere 5 bucks each and I was like......WAHHHHHHH!!!!
Now, I'm designing the invitation cards. The designs are pretty simple. I just don't have the mood to be creative... Anyway....here's my public invitation list for my 21st birthday bash:
1.
NTU- Denise
- Aisyah
- Suria
- Jieli
- Stephanie
- Titek Liyana and friends (Jiahui, Peizhen and Elvin)
- Adam and Ivan
2.
NP- Gary Lim
- Garhein
- Siew Yong
- Jun Ming
- Lixuan
- Xiuhui
- Vivian
3.
KSS-
Hatta- Chaili
- Sukhairen
- Ivan Lee
- Yee Chuan
4.
Cousins (Paternal)- Hussin, Juni, Lina
- Ijah, Yasmin, Nurul, Fadhil
- Azlan, Aisyah
- Yunos, Yusry, Yasin
- Nadiah, Nabila
- Abg Nizar, Khairul
5.
Cousins (Maternal)- Abg Zul, Ghafar, Shima
- Syahirah, Rausyan
- Lia, Bella, Firdaus, Firman
- Sahlan
- Shafik (M. Awal)
- Darrin
- Shafiq (M. Jali)
6.
Others- Nisa (Ilyas's gf)
- Abg Eddie
The thing is that....I actually only wanted my birthday bash to be for my friends only....but well... let's just get the best of it...
QueenLiyn@22:49
------------------------------------------------------------
aidiladha
Salam Aidiladha to everyone....
So...started the day in a
very very very lousy mood. I am so emotionally intense today. Was so unhappy that it's so difficult to even crack a fake smile. Felt better when we finally went out of the house...
Firstly, we went to Nenek Jasmah's house. After that, to Nenek Limah's house cause there's a kenduri arwah there. It's more like a gathering or an open house rather than a kenduri. The spread of food...was soo like a hotel. My father's siblings gathered there. I had a chat with Juni and Lina, as per usual, being questioned by their father, Wak Mat about weird stuffs and basically, I was only chatting with my uncles. Wished Hussin a belated birthday, although I remembered that he turned 21 last week but I'd forgotten to leave a testimonial in Friendster for him.
Then, we went to my great granduncle's house, a few more of my grandaunt's houses and then, we left for home. It was tiring. I couldn't eat, most of the time I only can fill my stomach with a few pieces of cookies from each house. The comments that I got from people kept me smiling till now....hehehe.....
The only different thing about me today is that, I just wish that we were gathering with my mom's siblings at Obek Saad's house cause
you-know-lah.....
Haiyah, no explanations needed for the way I felt.
Going to do tutorials for tomorrow's lessons...soo Ciao!!
QueenLiyn@21:53
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bangkok
Today's a Sunday. Tomorrow's a Monday. Second week of school whereby I'll start to feel the weight of the load from school. Tutorials, lab sessions and coming home late will be a frequent daily chore for me. It's okay cause I'm bored sitting at home..........!!!
Did my tutorials yesterday. Rather tough. Still left with a few more modules to do but...they can wait.
Decided on something. Have not really confirmed about my decision but my peeps have already planned on it. We've planned on going to Bangkok, Thailand, at the end of this semester. Hinted my parents about it. Well, I'm old enough to take care of myself especially when I'm going with a group of friends. Will have to save money and do some research on Bangkok before I come to my decision.
Actually, I wanted to go for the student exchange programme in my 3rd year in Uni to either US or UK for a year. But well....I'll die without the person dearest to me, especially when I have to live without him for 365 days...
I'll decide on Bangkok during the middle of the semester.....
Anyways....the invitation list to my 21st Birthday bash is being finalised. I'm just looking forward to that day......:D
QueenLiyn@16:03
------------------------------------------------------------
dreaming
*
sighs* I dreamt of him last night...
And I woke up to the sound of his message.....
P.S. Nothing more to say...
QueenLiyn@00:24
------------------------------------------------------------
a life im in...
Second day of school. I feel fat. I look fat. I am fat.
Well.....school was fine today. Quite a long day today with 4 lectures. Started with Env Processes in the morning and later in the afternoon I had 3 hours of
back-to-back lecture of Env Microbio, Hydrology and Computational Methods.
Now, I'm doing Computational Methods tutorial for next week. Didn't know that Matrices are this tough. Matrices were
chicken-feet when I was in poly back then. Now...
tsk tsk.... Advanced Engineering Maths.... Gotta live with it...
Tomorrow, he's going to KL till Sunday. Lucky him.. Me on the other hand, will be at home burning my weekends by studying.
What a life.... A life that I'd seeked. A life that I prefer to be in. Not enjoyable, but satisfying...
QueenLiyn@22:15
------------------------------------------------------------
first day of school
First day of school, late for the first class. Wahahaha!! Wrong estimation of time. I've forgotten what time I have to wake up and leave home.
Anyways, school was rather okay today. Started the day with Env Microbio. The lecturer is more hip and not boring, so at least, I was kept wide awake. Learn the basics about microbes and well, I still have my biology basics at the back of my head.
After that, we had 5 hours break. Like usual, during the first day of school, we'll go and buy notes from the photocopy shop and then collect our lab manuals from the laboratories. Then, Denise and Jieli went to print lecture notes and timetables in the library. We only ate at 10.30am. It's considered our brunch for the day.
Around 11.30am, me, Denise and Jieli attended MOM with Suria and Aisyah as we were very free. After that, we went to the Popular Bookstore to buy stationery and textbooks. As we were thirsty by then, we bought drinks from the convenient store at the Cafe by d Quad and then the 5 of us chill out beside the cafe.
We had a very good time catching up with each other and sharing the highlights of our holidays with each other. We ended the day in school with a 2 hours of lecture, one on Computational Methods and the last one is Structures I.
Overall, I've been paying attention the whole day today. Wide-awake somemore. I need to learn how to manage my time and go back to those times when I don't get distracted that easily and I don't dream so much during lectures. I must discipline myself by doing tutorials during the weekends. No more procrastination if I want to get that better grades.
Geez...I still have the vibes from last night. Well....those vibes won't go away overnight. Those who know how it feels like to be in love...you'll know how it really feels.
QueenLiyn@21:48
------------------------------------------------------------
ish
Just came back from a date. Like always, it's fun. This time it's at Toa Payoh. It's not really our area but thankfully, we didn't get lost. For the first time, I had company while eating Japanese food, only that like my brothers, he too doesn't fancy the
miso soup.
I treasure every one of our dates. More to come. More to come.
Back to school tomorrow!!!! YaaaHoooo!!!!
QueenLiyn@21:42
------------------------------------------------------------
blocked
I'm so tired. Been printing out lecture notes and tutorials since morning till an hour ago. The ink's running low although it has just been refilled....
But anyway, I still can't wait for school to start.
Today, I didn't do much at home. Gave baths to the cats this morning. Bathing Zufi is like carrying weights. Had a good run when I had to chase Comot around the house till I hurt myself. Now they smell of my shower foam and they are very clean too.
Other than that, I got frustrated cause of the notes printing and all. Both my head and ears were blocked during the whole time I was printing. Thank God, I'm done with 2 weeks of lecture notes.
Wheee...tomorrow having dinner with him...Can't wait!!!!
QueenLiyn@21:34
------------------------------------------------------------
school starts tomorrow
I can't seem to change the date and time for this entry...so...let's just say that I blog this for
Monday, 2nd January 2006.
So, the plan for today was to have dinner at the Puteri Pan Pacific Hotel in Johor Bahru. When we reached there.....there wasn't any buffet layout. The ala carte menu wasn't that impressive either. Well, in the end, we found a Halal Sze Chuan Restaurant nearby to the hotel. We had shark's fin, large prawns, boneless chicken, tom yam seabass and ice tea there. A sumptous meal indeed. But I was rather disappointed cause I was looking forward to indulging myself to the hotel's desserts... Lerrr...but at least now, I didn't even gain any weight after dinner....
Nevermind...looking forward to CNY's hotel dinner now....
School starts tomorrow for almost everyone and actually, for me too. But fortunately, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are labs and tutorials days...so there's no need for me to attend school only for this week. I really can't wait for school to reopen on Thursday....
Other than school, I have something else to look forward too! I am meeting him for dinner this Wednesday. I can't wait.... Miss him a lot...and the good thing about school reopening is that I can go home with him after school again...!! He's not in the same school as me or should I say he's not schooling anymore but I wish he is...like during our poly and secondary school days... But during those days, being just friends were enough for me to enjoy his company. Now, it's totally different.....*
sighs*
I'll stop blabbering here.....
QueenLiyn@00:10
------------------------------------------------------------
year 2005 achievements
Wheeee....Happy New Year peeps!!
A new year with a new beginning.....
Looking back at Year 2005, I realized that there were more blessings than woes. I had my ups and downs. Let's see what I've both achieved and lost.
I started Year 2005 with a new job and also a new love. I made my mark at Atotech SEA Pte Ltd as a lab technician for 7 months, both for my industrial attachment and also while waiting to get accepted into a local university.
On the other hand, love made me a better person. It was rather hard to be in love again and to stay in love till now. He means the whole world to me. He has given me the encouragement of not giving up, cheered me up when I was ranting and raving, stayed patient with my bitching and he has given me all the happiness that I need from a guy for the whole year. We do have out disagreements but we are willing to compromise. Well, he taught me to be patient, more humble and he also taught me a new sport....golf!!
In 2005 also, I lost weight while working. I became a workaholic and prefer not to eat and to make things worst, I'm scared of getting FAT. I won't deny that it's also because of the power of love. Anyway, I also graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Chemical Engineering in early July. I made my parents proud with my grades. I, too, was proud of my 3 years of hardwork.
Later, in the middle of the year, my dreams came true. After filling in forms after forms, I was being accepted into a local university. I was offered a place in Environmental Engineering in Nanyang Technological University. To make things better, I got the direct-entry to second year for the 4-year course. I was ecstatic cause I was given another chance to attain a better future.
I forged new friendships within that one semester in NTU. I have more new friends and they are very dependable. We mugged together and helped each other when we are in need. But university life ain't easy. Competition was tough. Everyone in there are mostly top-scorers, COM holders and are of the same academic status as me. I became soo small and felt that I am the worst among the best. Never in my academic life have I felt like I'm a failure. I brokedown when I failed quizzes after quizzes even though I studied hard for them.
Exams came and the pressure was much higher for me. I lost my appetite, lack of sleep, became very emotional and weak when all I do during that period of time was to study, study and study. I couldn't handle the pressure and thankfully, my mother was there as my shoulder to cry on.
But I was blessed again when I passed everything. As a start, amidst all the tough competition and all, I guess I've passed with flying colours. Now, I am able to move on without any hiccups. Not forgetting, I was able to prove a lot of people wrong when I took up Sociology as a minor. They said that I'm crazy to take up a minor. And well.......I did better in Sociology than my core modules....!!!
Although there are so many blessings, there was one thing that I regretted. I held a grudge on someone whom I've grown up with and spend my time with since young. All thanks to him, I was mad at him. I wish he should have known better and be more mature before saying or doing anything. I have my spies. He should have known that, like him, I have an ego as big as my head. I have pride. And also he should have known that I'm not a little girl anymore and that I can't accept some things that he has done. Above all, I do regret cause all my life, I wish I have a big brother like him who protects and showers his love to the younger ones. If you are reading this.....I'm sorry.....
Year 2005 has been a great year for me. I hope Year 2006 will be a much better year. Although my love is going to be in Tekong and won't be there for me most of the time, I hope his love won't leave me and that my love won't leave him. I hope it'll be a better year for us. I also hope that I'll achieved better grades this year, without doubt, cause at least, it'll make me happier and boost my confidence level. I want to make my parents proud for the second time when they see me in the academic suit in 2008..........
~Amin~
QueenLiyn@11:35
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