One Sian Day...
Today, I reached home before 2pm. I went shopping right after school. Couldn't find anything that I can feast my eyes onto. I walked one whole round in the departmental store and then, went out. Eventually, I went home and bought some toiletries along the way.
When I reached home, I took out all of my Maths material so that I can start studying. Instead, I went to watch TV and then fell asleep till almost 5pm. Only when I woke up that I realized that I received a couple of messages and miss calls from my friends. After that,I quickly had a cup of coffee and start working.
Alhamdulillah, I'm done with Essential Maths although I have doubts in 1 or 2 questions.
Anyway, this morning, I had a lab session at the Environmental Lab. I wasn't able to group together with Aisyah, Feby and Jieli. Instead, I ended up with 4 other guys. I know one of the guys...but the rest, especially one of them, I couldn't stand him. Sooooo....rowdy and noisy....
Gotta end here.... I've gotta read up on economy for my Sociology lecture tomorrow.... Soo...Ciao!
QueenLiyn@21:11
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The way I feel....
Resting now. From the books. I feel much more relaxed after printing out my lab report. Tomorrow's gonna be a rather short day in school. As I'm not going out with him, I'm making use of all the time I have tomorrow, to attempt my tutorials or to study for my Fluid Mech and Maths tests.
I'm becoming a study freak. And at the same time, I'm gaining weight. I know....I'll try to drop some for the next few days.
You know, I'm not going to allow any jeopardising of my relationship in any way. I've built it for months and I'm not going to let it crumble. Although, I've been busy with my studies, and as much as I want to do well in it, I won't let my relationship come to a stagnant point. One of my friends actually put in thoughts into my head which somehow made me rather unhappy cause I've worked so hard to get to him....
Some people said that I handle my relationship in the wrong way. To me, it's much better than what other people are doing. I let him have all his freedom, his life and his time, and I have all of my freedom, my life and my time. But somehow, both of us must remember about who we are to each other and being faithful to one another. That's totally automatic. I like not meeting him that often, cause the feeling will always be there. The feeling that you are always missing that special person in your life.
Now, I'm very sad....I miss him very very much.....
QueenLiyn@23:06
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Complexity of Momentumality....
Read the title. Weird title huh? LOL....
Revised maths today cause I have a quiz on it next Thursday. Rather tough, cause all of my foundation are rather rusty. Am glad that I finally understand De Moivre's theorem and all of complex numbers. Yay!
I'm so glad that my parents have been very understanding on how pressurized I'm right now. They know that they can't stop me from burying myself in books and me only prioritizing my studies after my outburst last Saturday. Their focus have been only on me for the past week. I think I need that type of attention from them.
But only
ONE thing. They cut
OFF my entertainment. Entertainment as in movies, shopping and hanging out. Hmm...but there's a way out, of course. Lying. Hahaha....
Haiz...my lab report is left with 3 questions. Stayed up 2 straight nights to finish on it, but it's still not finishsed yet!!!!!!!!
P.S. to Denise If there's fire at your house.....pls call the
FIREMAN okay....hehehe. Too bad no
FIREMAN for you on Monday...kekekeke.....
QueenLiyn@23:18
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Losers quit...
School starts at 1.30pm. STill at home...hehehe...
Quizzes are coming next week. And the next few weeks. After that, it's vacation time! Staying back in school today, to study MOM with my peeps. I thought of going out with him next Monday cause I finished school before 12pm and hopefully, he's not schooling on that day.
That break is rather essential for me before I go full force on my studies.
Stayed up till very very late last night to do and research for my lab report but then, I only managed to finish half of it only. Pathetic......
The thing is that, now I'm sure that I won't quit.
QueenLiyn@12:00
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Stressed!!!!
Reached home at exactly 9pm. Studied in school with Dennis and Aisyah. My brain has been working so hard today, as well as my stomach...hehe... Let me see, today, for brunch, I ate rice with veggie and chicken, for dessert, I ate tau suan and for teabreak, I ate a slice of brownie with coffee and ended my day in school with curly fries from MacD....
Hahaha...I'm fat.... But all the food that I intake was all converted into brain power and in turn, actually made me hungrier..... Now, I'm only hungry for sleep.........
Anyway, I don't really know what's happening to Steph. She seems to be drifting away from us like as if she's in her own world. She's soo secretive about the people she meet and where she meets them. Always skip classes and copy my notes and tutorials. If we question her, she will answer us unhappily....
Hey...we are all supposed to be cheerful no matter how tough and difficult life turns out to be. That will actually give us some self-esteem and a lil bit of encouragement to try harder. I, myself, don't have a life. I'm seeking for a break to spend my time with the person I love, away from my books. I need to take a break.
*
sighs*
Sadly, no Hari Raya for me this year. That day, I'll be studying for my Maths paper which I will sit for, the next day. Soooooooooo sad...........
Anyway, here are some of the photos that I took out of boredom when we were studying just now.....
QueenLiyn@23:30
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What you must know....
Feel like having something sweet, chocolatey and fattening now....Urm...a brownie maybe? Hehehe....
Haiz...won't talk about school work here...
Anyway, *
sighs*, I don't understand and I wonder why he thinks I flirt. I mean of all things why does he think of me that way. I asked him why...but then, he didn't answer. My dear, it's been years since I flirted. At most, it's been only you. But really, I don't remember flirting with any guy. Flirting is just a waste of time and energy unless you are doing it to the person you love.
At times, I just wish that he would do something more for me. Like anything. Like things that can make me happier or feel much more loved. But I know, I can't expect anything that much from him. I guess I'll just have to wait.....
The more I think of him, the more I wish that he's in the same school as me. Like pop up somewhere in front of me and I would say "Hi" crazily....LOL...
Doesn't mean I'm into my books now, the guy I love is out of my mind....
QueenLiyn@22:11
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Still trying...
Still struggling to keep my head from going into the water.
Haha...what the hell am I talking about...
But anyway, in short, I'm still trying to get a hang on things. Today, I studied Fluid Mechanics and I'm glad that I finally understood it and even managed to do Tutorial 4. Tomorrow, I've decided to catch up on my Sociology. Damn it...I'm sooo far behind...but I'll try to finish reading up the whole book by the time I reach home after school tomorrow......
Haiz....some people know what happened yesterday. The stress level was already over my head and guess who I vent out my pressure on? My mom. Oh yeah...she finally made me cry and also...she made me feel much better.....
See...at last only mommy can heal my pain.....
Now, I just have to hold on...no matter how hard it's gonna be....
QueenLiyn@23:40
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A point where everything matters...
I'm still figuring out what the heck is De Moivre's Theorem. It's so hard to understand. Been on it for the whole day, still don't get it.
I'm nervous about the upcoming quizzes. I'm scared that I'll
burn my arse this semester. Seeking help from my friends do help and I can't seem to study at home cause everyone's disturbing my peace. If I were to say that right at them, it will rather hurt them. So, in any case, all I have to do is live my own lies by saying that I have someone to help me in school, even though it's true.
I can't live with this anymore. The pressure is like causing an emotional inbalance in me. I need a break. How the hell am I going to get a break????
Anyway, tomorrow is another thing. Wish me good luck that I don't meet that guy face to face. I have had enough of him. Let me see.....everyone hates me for hating him?
Lol....he made me feel that way....
Hmmm...what makes me happy today? My tummy is like flatter now. Yay.... The thing is that, at one point of a woman's life, normally, usually and naturally, she will want to look nice, beautiful, slim and whatsoever. She will want to feel good, look good and treated good.
That point of my life is actually happening now....
QueenLiyn@23:15
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Busy Bumblebee....
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hehehe....aren't you all curious about where I've been and how I've been?
Just kidding....
Anyway, I've been busy with stuffs. Mostly school stuffs. Been trying to focus on my studies. I'm still trying to manage my MOM and so far, I've made 1 achievement, that is to be able to finish 4 out of 5 questions for this week's tutorial! YaY for me and thanks to Denise! Again.... I'm still struggling with FM and EPS. I've yet to revise any of my foundation subjects. And the quizzes are coming. Feeling rather nervous. But hopefully, I'll be able to manage my time well.....
Other than school, I have friends. The girls that I always hung out with everyday, seemed to keep me occupied, cheerful and happy always. I'm glad to have friends who care for each other. Although, I do have my miserable days in school but for me, I just have to put up a smile so that other people won't know how I'm feeling even when I'm at my worst on that day. And also, so that I won't spoil others' mood for the day. Decided to chill out with the girls next week, maybe after school to catch a movie or something.....
I had a rather black night last night and a black morning this morning. The presence of my boyfriend doesn't really light up my day today cause I'm more worried of other things. I just have lots of things on my mind. I'm sorry if you are reading this....
Anyway, me and him are coming to a year now. I mean our relationship. I wonder why we never fought before like other couples do, when every couple is supposed to fight at least once throughout their relationship?
QueenLiyn@23:45
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Define Impossible.....
Been studying since morning. Feeling so dizzy cause lack of nutrients. But I don't have the appetite to eat. No mood to eat.
I managed to understand the first 2 tutorials for Fluid Mechanics but I wasn't able to do tomorrow's tutorial. So, I just wait for tomorrow's answers. Managed to attempt Essential Maths Tutorial 3, only that I don't know whether they are the right answers.
Now, I'm doing my reading assignments for my Sociology. I'm way behind time. I actually don't understand
what-the-hell they are talking about cause their English is soooo
cheem. But I'm trying to understand and highlight points so that I don't come empty-handed for next week's tutorial.
I'm left with tutorials for Foundation Physics, Engineering Probability and Statistics which is actually a gone case for me, and lastly, Mechanics of Materials.
I'm trying hard to keep my mind occupied... But...well....
Let's just say that...sometimes, it's so impossible to get what I've been hoping for....
QueenLiyn@19:45
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Sometimes...
Farnie though about how I'm feeling now.
Bad mood...can't say that...cause I laugh like mad just now. Whatever the mood is...I wasn't able to concentrate on my
Fluid Mechanics well. I tried to understand, but
what-the-hell, I couldn't get it inside my head!
Listening to Sugababes right now. Kinda soothing especially the song "Too Lost in You". It used to be my favourite song but later, I realized that it sounds very desperate. LOL....
But anyway, here's one song that well, meant a lot....
"Sometimes"Honestly, can I say what I mean
Don't you play with me
Cos I'm a lady
When I look in your eyes
I can see through your charm
You're constantly twisted
I'm angry, alarmed
Your poison has taken control of my soul
But I won't say no more
And I won't take no more
[Chorus:]
Sometimes I wonder where this feeling began
Deep in my heart right from the start
Tired and lonely I'll move on from this pain
I'm starting again I'm breaking the chain
Emotionally, it takes all of me
Apologies, but you don't really have a hold on me
There's a distance between us
And you take the blame
I know that you try but
At the stage of the game
I've started a new life
There's no turning back
With you now, don't you know, can't you see I got over
[Chorus:]
Had to take matters into my own hands
Falling this deep wasn't part of my plans
If turning this around is what I have to do
To get through to you
My fire's burnt out it's true
[Chorus:]
QueenLiyn@23:48
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A wonderful day....with more to come...
So, today, I had a rather wonderful day. The 4 of us went to Cafe by the Quad located at the Sch of Biological Sciences in NTU. It was rather posh and I love the environment there. Me and Aisyah have yet to have our lunch, so we bought our lunch sets, whereas Dennis bought dessert and Steph, just a drink for herself. I had Teriyaki Salmon Bento Set whereas Aisyah had Chicken Rice. I like my lunch but Aisyah's was the best. I tasted the rice...and
wow...it tasted wonderful!! I never had that type of chicken rice outside. Only my mom cooks chicken rice which tasted like that!
We will be going there again on Monday. Can't wait...!
Today, I actually don't have the mood to study cause my mind is sooo tired. In school, things were soooo funny. There's this thing about cute guys whereby Dennis said that that guy is cute whereas Steph said that another guy is cute! Me and Aisyah were like...errrr..... Then, a lot of things happened....! Only me and the girls know...!! Hahahaha.....
*
sighs* I'm still worried about my studies. But I've gotta have faith in myself. I've decided to concentrate on my studies this weekend although I have a party to attend tomorrow.
Talking about parties. Bella's birthday party is next week. I'll be meeting all my uncles and aunts there. I'll be expecting that guy to be there. Maybe worst come to worst, if my mood is bad, I will stay at home... Cook up an excuse that I want to study.
I can be evil. I am human after all.....
QueenLiyn@23:11
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In Love...
I'm soo damn tired. All because of
Mechanics of Materials. Luckily there's Dennis to teach me and pull me through my ordeal. So sickening, but won't talk about school here.
Okay, so in school, I hang out with 3 other girls. Stephanie, Dennis and Aisyah. Whenever I sit beside Steph in lectures, we will talk cock. When I sit in between of Aisyah and Dennis, I'll become so damn serious, that I don't know what happened to me.
Aisyah is very easy-going, sociable and a cheerful girl. I like the way she talks. She's always happy. Stephanie, like usual lah, she's someone that I can talk a lot of things to. Nowadays, she's been absent from lectures and tutorials so often and she said that she's
running away from pressure. Dennis, on the other hand is someone, whom I turn to whenever I have problems in understanding the lectures or tutorials. She helped me overcome my pressure, made me smile and crack a lot of jokes. Like for example, she said that there's this Malay guy in the same tutorial class as me whose cute. And I said that that's rather true and furthermore, he's a mixture of Chinese and Malay. She actually asked me to start a conversation with him. I did sit beside him before and everything but I don't want him to get the wrong impression.
So, I will rather make fun of her without letting the guy know....hehehe....And by the way, he's damn short! I mean really short okay....
Anyway, this morning, I coincidentally bumped into Hatta dearest, at the MRT station on my way to school. Guess how I felt? I had a rough night, last night and he just changed my mood in the morning! Haha...so glad and happy that I met him. He's just the person that I need to be with at this point of time.
Well, one year ago, on this very day, we had our very first lunch date, at SIM Megabytes. Yeah. Haha....I remembered how I felt that time. I had those butterflies and everything. Those
nervous-ness actually lasted for quite some time, a few months actually. Now, I'm much more comfortable being with him. Still have that lil bit
nervous-ness, even this morning when I saw him walking towards me. But that
nervous-ness, actually make me feel rather good.
LOL....
Now, I know how it really feels to be in luuurrrvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................
QueenLiyn@23:39
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I'm scared of failure....
Mama asked me not to panic. Reassured me that everything will be okay. It's just the beginning. It's normal to struggle at this point of time.
And guess what...I couldn't help it...so, I broke down and cried....
I'm so embarrassed of myself. I am trying my very best. I'm even on the verge of giving up but I still carried on even though, I'm scolding myself in my heart. Mama said that I just have to pray to God and never give up...
I'm convincing myself that it's just the beginning. It takes time and effort to build that tower. I am losing confidence in myself. And I only have God to rely on and my fate to come......
I'm so scared....I'm very very scared that I will fall again............................
QueenLiyn@23:39
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Pooped..
I'm actually very pooped today. Was very sleepy and lethargic the whole day.
I have 3 tutorials due tomorrow, and I have yet to touch any of them. Luckily, lab finished early just now, so I rushed home after school.
I think I need a very strong coffee. Thought of stopping by Starbucks just now for a cup of latte or something but was too tired to walk. So, in the end, I've decided to make myself a cup of coffee....
I guess...I've gotta start on my tutorials now...
QueenLiyn@16:58
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Everything Burns
by Ben Moody feat. AnastaciaShe sits in her corner
Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages
Feelings gone astray
But she will sing
Chorus: Everything burns
Everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this faith
And all of this pain
Burning all down
Cause my anger reigns
Everything burns
Ohh
Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
To consume and then masquer.
No one sees her there
And still she sings
Repeat Chorus Everything burns
Everything burns
Everything burns
Everything burns
Whatching it all fade away
Everyone screams
Everyone screams
Whatching it all fade away
Ohhhh
Repeat Chorus
QueenLiyn@23:54
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Still fussing over myself.....
In school right now. Using the computer in CEE club room.
The lab session this morning was very headachy. The procedures of carrying out the experiment were so hectic that I wanted to cry. The calculations were alright cause we were given clues and hints in order to carry out the experiment.
Know what...I think I'm fat. Due to my commitment towards my studies, I skipped my gym training session yesterday. Probably I'm guilty of it, that's why I'm feeling
FAT. But really, I'm fat. I have to sacrifice something in order to have more time for my studies....
Yesterday, I only managed to study till in the evening cause I helped my mom baked the cookies. AT night, I planned to do my Foundation Physics tutorial but I couldn't stop sneezing and I was running a flu, so, instead I've decided to do something else.
I made a scrap book of me and him. Haha...I kept all the movie tics that we watched since our very first date, last November. I've printed the photos that me and him took since that night and I compiled everything into a scrapbook.
Haha...I'm not crazy. It's just something that I do during my spare time.
I think I need to lose weight. Damn.....
QueenLiyn@12:35
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If poly is tough, uni is worst...
Taking a break from the books. Been studying since late morning and I only managed to finish the second tutorial for Essential Maths. I was struggling with the second tutorial for Fluid Mechanics and I gave up on it already. Tomorrow then I'll seek advice from Steph, Dennis and Aisyah. Later, I'll continue on tutorial 2 for Foundation Physics.....
I've been studying since last night at 11pm until around 1+am. My head wanted to explode then, and it's going to explode again now.
It's tough being in Uni. I think I have yet to descend from poly level to uni level. I'm still comparing between the 2 levels and I'm still referring to my past poly lecture notes to help me out. Doesn't mean that someone who enters Uni will be like a Uni student. Maybe it's only the third week of my study here. But I hope in time, I'm going to get used to the life in Uni.
Going back to my books now...Ciao!
QueenLiyn@15:23
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Distraction is a Waste of Time....
After 5 days of undistracted studying and no-slacking, I finally got my life back today. Went to watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and eat dinner with him, after school. I feel rather relaxed now. Hehe...now I have two separate lives....
Don't want to talk about school now. Tonight, no studying....
Hmm...so, me and Steph were talking about guys with one particular thing in common, ego. We both had experienced with guys whose ego is much bigger than their brains. She's sad that she was treated the way she was by one of her ex's when she's trying to mend a friendship. I, too, tried to do that, months ago and I was treated in the same disrespectful manner. But I wasn't sad, I was angry.
She was somehow distracted by guys today. Told her that I don't want to know anything until after school. I don't want to be distracted by anything that involves
boys in it whenever I'm in school. Boys or
should I say...only one guy will be my distraction, in between of lectures or after school. Haha....I'm in love....
what can I say....
Still loving him everyday....
Lol...okok...Dennis want me to say Hi to her....sooo
HI!!!! hahaha...
Nothing more to talk about..my life's sooo monotonous....
QueenLiyn@23:15
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Tougher day by day....
Things are getting tougher in school. Attending lectures is equivalent to
not attending the lectures. I have trouble catching up.
But when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.It's only the second week and I've started revising all my lecture notes. Being online till late at night doesn't mean that I'm hanging around there. I'm actually studying and I switched on my lappy to listen to music. Though, I wasn't successful in attempting most of my tutorials except for
Essential Maths, Foundation Physics and Environmental Chemistry, I still try, even though, it takes an hour to figure out one question.....
It's hard. I hope I can hold on.....
QueenLiyn@00:24
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Hitting d books...
In the school library right now. Just burning time before lecture starts.
Finally, I finished one of my tutorials on my own, although I couldn't answer 3 of the questions. I won't have time for any online thingy or blogging at night cause I have to revise my studies. It's hard to focus cause I've got to figure out things that I don't understand myself. If I can't figure out, I'll give up on it...
AFter that, I'll be sian....
So...my free time will only be during the weekends, but for now, I've gotta study, study and study....
Gotta ciao now...bye
QueenLiyn@14:57
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Another day in school
In school right now. Waiting for lecture to start in half and hour's time, so I've decided to blog.
My feet has blisters everywhere due to my new shoes. I should have
bit it before it bites me......Lab session this morning was fun cause it's sooo DAMN easy! Comparing to my times in poly, lab sessions there, felt like a chore cause we had to do reports after reports and furthermore, the discussion and the calculations questions ain't easy. This time, things were done on the spot. I guess, this time, I don't suffer from lab reports that much anymore....
LOL....
Tonight, I have to start attempting my tutorials cause I felt left out during one of the module's tutorial just now. It's time that I stop lazing my ass around.
Oklah....I'll stop here.....Ciao....
QueenLiyn@14:56
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