That Mood...
Went to the gym just now. The workout's not that bad. Just there to spend my time venting out my emotions and being alone.
It's been months since I throw my tantrums. Last time, my tantrums are a daily thing. But today, after months, I was in
that mood. I was wishing that nobody provoked me. And well, everyone got into my nerves, even Zufi. He got caned by me. My brothers made me threw and kicked at the internet modem outside of my room. And I'm not talking to my mom. I just feel like venting out my frustration at something. I don't know what I'm frustrated about but I'm just in
you-know,
that mood.
I have tutorials to do. I've gotta go into my study mode before my mood ruins it....
QueenLiyn@19:09
------------------------------------------------------------
My Eyes Are Sore...
Can't seem to sleep...soo I've decided to blog...
Later when I woke up in the morning, it will be like a working day for me. Work as in, mopping the house in the morning, then, hit the gym in the afternoon and then, hit the books. I've got a pile of reading assignments to do for next Sociology lecture. Need to revise and do the tutorials for the other modules.
I'm tired but I've gotta go on cause next week, I will be experiencing the full load of school. Sianz. Saw my school bill for the very first time in my life just now, and I freaked out! Panicked. Shouted for my parents to look at the bill. They say I'm crazy, but I've never seen that
BIG number before in my whole life....
I should thank them for doing this for me.
Anyway, I finally applied for a debit card. I applied for OCBC-NTU debit card without my parents' approval. Need it badly. Only told them after I've submitted the form. Hehe....
And I bought something from the NTU NS carnival yesterday. It's considered cheap cause the service is free. Haven't brought home the thing yet cause it needs some modification. Will only get it next week. Heh...I won't say what is it just as yet.....
Oklah...time for bed....Nitez...
QueenLiyn@01:01
------------------------------------------------------------
Sick, School and Happiness...Any Connection?
I'm sick right now. It seems that everyone's also sick. I woke up this morning with no voice. Now, I'm having a splitting headache and flu. To make things worst, it's the time of the month again!!!!!!!!!
So, how do I find my new life? I find it rather less complicating but more confusing. My life there rotates only around my studies but I have to struggle with the high speed the lecturers are going. Time passes by very fast during lectures. Before you know it, it's the end of a lecture. Cause in University, there's no room for day-dreaming, chit-chatting or even eating as for the whole 1 hour lecture, our mind will only be focused on what the lecturer is trying to teach, unless we lose interest on that module.
Okay...enough about school....
Will be hitting the gym again this Sunday. I feel like I gained a few pounds over the week. Haha....Must maintain what...if not later I'll go back to my original size.
LOL...
Anyway, I feel bad for what I've done and for what I've said. Although, it costs my tears but that guy deserves what he deserves. Imagine, the girl that you intend to marry in the future broke up with you, saying that she wants to concentrate in her studies. And later, you see her with another guy. I did laugh out loud cause that's a way girls avoid commitment. Oh
puhleez...who wants to plan marriage at 17 years of age????
I do pity him cause he's losing a lot of other things but well, I did lost. This is to teach him a lesson and for me, the biggest mistake that I've ever made. I'm closing this case. God showed me his true colours, taught me and him a lesson.
Looking back,
I wonder why I actually fall for a guy like Abang Zul when he can never give me any happiness and everyone says that he's never worth my time? At least I've found my happiness in someone else now....
QueenLiyn@23:21
------------------------------------------------------------
In Need Of Something....
I'll stop day-dreaming for now..
Need sleep....
QueenLiyn@23:24
------------------------------------------------------------
Commitment and Assurance.....
I'm having an itchy throat right now. Probably due to the weather....
Hmmm....Steph's transfer to ENE is successful. Finally, we can be together like old times. Haha... Slack together and all that....
Anyway, stayed at home the whole day except for in the morning when I went to Yew Tee for breakfast. The exhaustion that was building up inside me has finally wore down. I feel better. Fortunately, my lecture starts late tomorrow morning which means more sleep for me....
Actually, I blogged something in the afternoon about finding something to commit to in what I do in school. But well, my connection went
ga-ga and the entry's all gone! So, everyone's in school has at least 1 CCA unlike me. It's been years since I've joined a CCA and I also realized that I can
NEVER find my commitment towards whatever CCA. So, instead, I've decided to minor in something, which is Sociology. I know future engineers like me, shouldn't take up Sociology cause it's a study that's too impractical. But well, I regard it as a challenge.
This time, I'm not going to waste my time doing dumb stuffs in school. Mama kept reminding me that this time, I've gotta study properly. I assured her that my private life will remain out of school and vice versa. In, this way I won't get distracted. I'm glad that she understands.
Haiz...It's almost midnight. Gotta get to bed!
QueenLiyn@23:56
------------------------------------------------------------
Still...
Second day. Still suffering from exhaustion. Thank God, no school tomorrow. Sprained my right ankle while I was on my way home just now. Actually lost my appetite. Even lost my desire to shop. I've lost that desire for like a month now.
I'm just worried about whether I'll be able to carry myself throughout my 3 years in NTU. A lot of schooling stuffs have been on my mind, even in sleep. It's soooo uncontrollable!!!!
Ok...no more school....
Let's talk about something more exciting. Hehe....
According to my personal organizer, on 26 July 2004, I did something that I'll never ever forget in my whole life. It's the day of my confession. No religious thingy or anything like that, if you know what I mean. During that period of time, I never thought that today would ever come. I never thought that things will work the way I want it to be. I never thought that I would ever be with him. But well, one year has passed since the day I poured out my feelings. Been through all the emotional hurdles. Though we are not always together, my heart is always with him.
Luv u lotz....
QueenLiyn@23:13
------------------------------------------------------------
Another school day...
I'm in school right now and waiting for my next lecture to start in 17 minutes time...
So, today, I made new friends. Finally... Yeah...Hahaha..! Steph decided to join me for my last 2 hours lecture of the day like how I joined her first 2-hours lecture yesterday. She also decided to transfer to my course...
Ok...let's talk about my new friends. I finally talked to the previous NP CE students who were in the other module. One of them is Suria and the other is Jieli. I've seen Suria around in school and Jieli is actually Xiuhui's friend. Small world huh...Now I'm hanging out with Aisyah...another poly student from SP...
Oklah...I've gotta run to the LT now....Ciao!!
QueenLiyn@13:13
------------------------------------------------------------
A New Life of Pure Exhaustion
Today is the day I start a new chapter of my life. It's tiring cause I need to plan my timetable and everything. Luckily, this week, there won't be any tutorials or lab. I've decided to take a minor on Sociology. Actually, I wanted to do Psychology but well,
clash here,
clash there...what can I do?
I feel rather exhausted now. It's normal cause this was how I felt when I was a freshmen in NP back then. But will get used to it....
And by the way, University lectures are boringgggg........
QueenLiyn@21:04
------------------------------------------------------------
Hunger for Justice
Didn't blog yesterday cause I really had a very
sucky day. It seems that everyone is excited about starting school. Not for me anymore. The first obstacle to overcome is making friends.....
*
sighs*
Anyway, justice has been served. I don't want revenge.
The taste of justice satisfys me, at last. Now,
you know how it feels to lose everything.
QueenLiyn@18:31
------------------------------------------------------------
And again....
My head and neck still hurt due to the fall just now. The back of my neck is actually swollen. Well, I was playing with Zufi when I actually fell off my bed, head's down! Luckily, I didn't suffer from any temporary memory loss or a neck break...LOL....
Damn...I have a lot of things to blog but don't know where to start.
First things first, I didn't register for the morning orientation that I'm going tomorrow. Still wonder whether I want to go or not. Probably I'm not attending the morning one...maybe only the compulsory one in the afternoon....
So, today, is like my last training session for my 2 months vacation. Everything's cool. Only that the last session turned out to be the most exhausting. But there's results. I mean for what I've worked for, for the past 2 months. My figure and no more
spare tyres. I'm happier of my own body now.
Anyway, while I was browsing Friendster today, I came across a girl whose soooo familiar. Guess what...I do know her. She's my cousin's girlfriend. Or maybe ex-girlfriend. Cause the guy beside her doesn't look a bit like my cousin and they are like..."
married"? And I thought my cuz and her were going to be together forever.
Hah...okay...I won't be soo cruel.
Hmm....I realized that me and Hatta actually have a simple relationship. The thing is that I'm more committed to this relationship than the others. Well, I don't know why. It's just unexplainable. A lot of things kept me busy nowadays but everyday, the only thing I look forward to is his messages and me messaging him back. It just makes me closer to him and knowing that he's fine.
Am I love-sick? Oh God...
QueenLiyn@21:57
------------------------------------------------------------
Start school again...
So, I went for QET just now and damn, the paper's easy. It's just like blogging. I just need to write an essay of max. 300 words on one of the topics given. Like usual, I just write and write and write, only that if I blog, I normally talk cock but I was talking sense when I wrote that essay. I wrote on whether being physically attractive is important. I was grinning when I saw that topic.
LOL...but I was like a lost and stupid kitty today. Haha....
Anyway, I got my timetable already. I would describe it as f**kingly
RABAKZ. LOL. Though, it's not as bad as poly, but I don't like to study till late evening. But what the hell, at least, I start school later than 8am.
I am more excited about studying rather than making friends. Imagine studying O'levels physics and essential maths at university level. Imagine re-studying again what I've studied in poly...Wahahaha.... I'm just looking forward to how
tough the modules will turn out....
Can't wait....
QueenLiyn@15:51
------------------------------------------------------------
Love Conquers All....
Too lazy to upload the photos...
But anyway, tomorrow, I'm going to sit for an English test. Sounds easy. But it's been years since I do English. But what the hell, time flies by so fast that it will be over before I knew it....
I found a poem that I wrote myself during the time I was doing my industrial attachment. It's rather hilarious. I don't know what I was thinking or who I was thinking of. But I think I was trying to prove a point to one of my girlfriends. Here goes....
--
Love Conquers AllWhen you love that someone,
Would you ever care if he snores,
Or that he is a bore.
When you love that someone,
Would you ever notice the acne on his face,
Or when he's such a craze.
When you love that someone,
Would you still love him when he gained 10 pounds,
Although, he could make you frown.
When you love that someone,
Would you care that he's a geek,
And everyone calls him a freak.
When you love that someone,
Would you care if he dresses like a tart,
Even though he's so damn smart.
When you love that someone,
Would you runaway when he's in need,
Or when he's really really sick.
Would you still love that someone,
When he has a bad hair day,
And his clothes are all in a fray.
Would you still love that someone,
Even when one day, he falls,
And he loses it all.
Cause when you love that someone,
Even when he's bald,
You know that
Love Conquers All.........
--
Have to bunk in early tonight cause I've gotta get up early tomorrow...
Sooo..ciao!
QueenLiyn@23:25
------------------------------------------------------------
Baking
Well, I think it's been a year since I ever baked a cake. Or probably more than a year. The last cake I baked was a mango layered cake which I decorated myself and everything. Today, because of popular demand from my brothers, I baked my famous brownie...Hehehe.... Nobody believed that I baked those brownies that they ate during my brothers' birthday.
So...I'm going to let everyone grow fat with my brownies...Hahaha...
I changed my layout. Did anyone noticed? The photo is cute right?
Hehe...will show you all how my brownie looks like later....
QueenLiyn@15:06
------------------------------------------------------------
My personal organizer....
This week is my 8th week of training which is equivalent to 10 training sessions in the gym. I realize that going to the gym is actually good. Firstly, I'm physically fit. That's the purpose of me going to the gym. Secondly, I'm also emotionally and mentally fit. I rarely get angry or emotional since the time I started working out.
Urm...so I did something useful for my whole 2 months.
Anyway, I heard somebody met an accident. When I heard it, the only thing I said was..
"
Alah..biaselah kalau naik motor, tak kene accident tak sah.."My soft spot for this somebody has long been gone........
Let's talk about something else....
As school is starting in a week time, I started to note some important dates for the next few weeks in my personal organizer. This organizer of mine was used since I was in 3rd year in poly. All the important dates, exams, tests, assignments and
things-to-do were writtened in there... I even wrote on what I did during the weekends and etc. There are even stickers that I used to describe my mood for that day.
But anyway, according to my personal organizer, a year ago on today's date, it was only the 3rd week of the semester. I was actually busy preparing for my WISP presentation on "
Ethnic Conflict" that's going to happen on the following Tuesday.
Well, why am I saying all this stupid stuffs? Hehe...I actually found out the dates during when things actually happened between me and Hatta. Like my confession, our first lunch date and everything else. And on today's date, a year ago, I was still single, just recovered from my depression and starting to lose some weight.
LOL....
I won't specify the dates here just as yet. I still remember the emotional obstacles I had to go through last year. Just opening and reading the contents in my personal organizer makes my heart beat faster.....
QueenLiyn@21:06
------------------------------------------------------------
Bored...
He's studying for his upcoming common test. And I'm waiting for school to start while preparing myself mentally for my Qualifying English Test (QET) this coming Wednesday.
I'm sooo bored....
QueenLiyn@23:37
------------------------------------------------------------
Refraining from the Undesirables...
Today, I went to the gym and !@#$%....
I thought I wouldn't have to fight for my stamina again after 7 weeks of training. And
DAMN...I'm still sooo unfit. Honestly, I'm paying for what I ate yesterday. I should have refrained from eating all those oily and highly in carbohydrates food. In the first place, I shouldn't have touched the Yu Char Kway or Bubur Cha Cha...
See...I gained weight again....
Anyway, earlier today, I chatted online with one of my friends back in primary school. Her name's Jasriza. We went back a long time ago. We know each other since we were in primary one. She was freakingly excited when I asked her to add me on my Friendster list. LOL....
Well, don't really like to talk about my primary school days. No good memories to remember. I was a tomboy back then....and I hated it...
Still nervous about starting University. I wonder how I'll survive in there. Will I be able to make it to Convocation 2008...??
QueenLiyn@23:23
------------------------------------------------------------
Ecstasy
Guess what...I found someone really unexpected in Friendster. If my old friends back in primary school are reading this, do you remember the most handsome guy back then when we were in primary school? Hah...I had a really BIG crush on him then! He was damn short last time but now taller and bigger in size.
Rather surprised that he still remembers me...And also, through him, I've found some of my other primary school friends. Haha...time for a reunion...!
Anyway, I went for my urine test today. Thank God, I passed.
Actually, I've got nothing more to say. Feeling rather excited mixed with my
high feeling from last night. Okay...the ecstasy of luuurrvveee....
LOL...
QueenLiyn@23:43
------------------------------------------------------------
The Door to my Heart
It's been like a month since we've met. I missed him so much. We went out tonight and I felt better.
We watched
Fantastic 4 at Sun Plaza and then, ate dinner at
Cavana. The movie was
okoklah. Not much of a heart-thumping action movie. The dinner was nice. Something that I've never eaten before.
We talked a lot. Well, it isn't that bad opening up to him. I mean, at times, I feel like talking about something
face-to-face but I feel awkward. Now, I know why they say it's better to talk personally rather than through other means of communication.
You know, I don't know how to describe the feeling that I'm feeling right now. But I know that the door to my heart is only open to him....
only.....
Anyway....*
shhhhh* I'm listening to Britney Spears right now....
LoL...
QueenLiyn@23:57
------------------------------------------------------------
Nightmare
I had a nightmare last night.
A very bad one.
Fortunately, it wasn't real....
QueenLiyn@14:36
------------------------------------------------------------
My hobby....
------------
Today's Mission Calender Inspiration (From Oprah)If you and the one you're with have a lot in common, congratulations! Just don't let go of your prerelationship solo hobbies. Reconnect with one today.
------------
Hmmm...what's my hobby? Studying?
LOL....
Hey...I love studying okay. I don't know why. I just feel a sense of security when I'm studying. Don't need to think of anything else, just my grades. It's like, you know, a way to satisfy myself. I'm a highly ambitious person.
Studying becomes my way of life in poly. I began to find good ways for me to absorb better and to study smart. In secondary school, I would memorize every term and definition. But in poly, I wasn't able to absorb as well as last time. So, cause most of my modules involve calculations, I score on them and normally leave the theory questions blank. It's risky but everything's worth the risk.
But I guess that's the only hobby that I'm going to take up in 2 weeks time...
QueenLiyn@23:21
------------------------------------------------------------
D Day...
After waiting for 3 long years, the day finally arrived. I officially graduate from NP today and I'm officially out of that school. Got out of my house at noon, took a cab to NP and reached there half and hour earlier.
Went to Canteen 1 to buy a packet of milk for lunch when someone called out to me. I was shocked. I couldn't recognise Jun Ming at first cause we were all in formal attire. After that, I chatted with him and Viking for a while and then we headed to the convention centre. We met Gary, Siew Yong and Garhein there. Oh ya, Garhein grow thinner and smaller in size. Haha....
I didn't really talk much when we reached convention centre. I was really bored there. But today, someone smiled at me. I was like..."
Did he just smiled a me?" That's rare but well, definitely I smiled back. And
THAT'S very rare....He's one of my classmates and me and Steph agreed that he's the most handsome guy in our class.
Before I knew it, the day passed by so fast. Today, stepping into NP feels like stepping into a foreign land. I just don't know why....
Just now, I just came back from Mamang Shawal's house. When I was there, I killed time by browsing through the old photos. I saw me, 3 years ago. I still own the top that I was wearing in that photo, but DAMN...why do I look sooo BIG? And I also saw 2 photos of Noi with her family. One photo was taken before she went for Haj and the other was taken during Hari Raya. She wore all black, like me. But unlike me, I don't wear too much make-up and do not look like a witch. We both are into the same music I guess. But we totally lead different lives.
Talking about all that made me think of
him. Wonder whether
he already picked a place for our date this Wednesday or not.....
Anyway, hitting the gym again tomorrow afternoon. 2 hours of cardiovascular workout....
QueenLiyn@23:51
------------------------------------------------------------
Rules
Maybe I'm being too tough on things. Maybe I should loosen up. Maybe just chill out.
Rules are meant to be broken aren't they?
QueenLiyn@23:43
------------------------------------------------------------
Before and After...
Slept late last night watching "The Last Samurai" on HBO and woke up very late this morning. Been watching a lot of action movies. At least, I don't cry during the movies. Hahaha.....
Anyways, tomorrow's the graduation ceremony. Abah totally forgotten about tomorrow and didn't applied leave to attend the ceremony. But I bet he will attend tomorrow with Mama. He must attend it.
My father has a very poor memory you see....Poor him...tsk tsk...
Well, next week I'll be like occupying myself with lotsa things. I'll be going out everyday except on Sunday. On Monday, is my graduation. Tuesday, I'm going to the gym and after that, going out for some shopping. On Wednesday, I'm going out with him. On Thursday, I'm going for my second medical check-up at NTU with Mama. On Friday, I'll be helping Mama buy groceries cause she's going to cook for Saturday's kenduri at Tok Abu's house. Hehe...hopefully I'll meet Juni there.
I'm going to make full use of my remainder free time before I start school. I'm going to do something to increase the closeness between me and him. I'm going to lose more weight before I start school so that I don't gain so much weight when I don't have time to hit the gym. I'm going to start entering the kitchen again before I hit the books again...
Haha....
Oklah....I'll end it here......
QueenLiyn@13:32
------------------------------------------------------------
Downgraded
I'm so glad that Abah finally down-graded my handphone bill. I couldn't afford to pay so much already. Every month it's getting worst and worst. I down-graded my bill to half of what I normally pay, sooo hopefully, I'll be able to save more money for the coming months.
Anyway, so many free sms isn't worth it cause I don't use as much.
Slept rather late last night. Sooo sleepy now.....
QueenLiyn@14:36
------------------------------------------------------------
Self-conscious...
Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Oh Yes!!!! *
jumps up and down* I couldn't believe it at first but I finally achieved to lose weight. My weight dropped below 144lbs!!!!! Woohoo!!! After weeks, of my weight fluctuating up and down, I finally dropped it below 65 kilos!!! On Tuesday, when I went for my medical check-up at NTU, I was like 67.2 kg but now...heh...I am 63.8kg. I guess on Tuesday, my muscles were still sore and expanding which caused me to gain 2 kilos.
Mama was shocked when I told her what I've discovered. But at least, this change, boost my morale a lil bit, after being emotionally down for the past few days.
*
sighs*
At least, my efforts paid off. Even my brother sees the change in my body after 6 weeks of training. Well, this time I wasn't playing when I said that I want to tone up my body. Yay!
Ok...I'll stop being self-conscious. Haha....that actually means a lot to me..
Anyway, other than all that. I'm still trying to prepare myself mentally for school. I couldn't believe that I need to stay in school on 22nd July till very late. I've lost that mentality of staying in school till very late. I think I can't stand it now cause I love my freedom so much...but I'll try to get that momentum back.
I think my mind's too blank to write anything else...LOL....
QueenLiyn@23:16
------------------------------------------------------------
Family is important...
Sometimes, family ties won't last. Those family ties will be loosened in the end, if it's not being cherished time and again.
I'm so sad that my family turns out to be an outcast. I don't really know why we turn out to be this way when we gave a lot of things to others, in many many ways. We kept giving until a year ago, when I forbidded my mom to stop giving cause we don't get anything back. I'm not being selfish but being too generous can allow others to take advantage of us.
You see, when I was younger...all of us used to be so close together. I'm actually talking about my aunts and uncles on my mom's side. We used to do a lot of things together like during Hari Raya, we would go visiting together, or when we have a barbeque, we would gather together and do a lot of other things. Now, my family seemed to be pushed aside and often, we are not invited for such gatherings.
I can't put my hopes on my aunts and uncles on my father's side because since I was young, we've been "
outcast". So, I don't hope so much but at least, I'm not at loggerheads with any of my cousins on my father's side. Instead, we all
click because we all treat each other like siblings. We respect each other even though we call each other "
aku" and "
kau" whether young or old.
You know, I used to be sooo close to my aunties on my mother's side. I was especially close to Bibik My cause I grew up with her. Mama even said that I'm growing up to be like her, which is of course, not a good thing. I don't know what happened. Nobody seemed to want to know how am I doing or how my brothers are doing.
At times, I wish my grandparents are still alive. At least, everyone would be together. At least, I have someone to run to when I'm feeling down. At least, I have someone to talk to other than my parents. At least, me and Abang Zul won't be at loggerheads. Because when we were younger, my grandfather always stopped me and him from getting into a fight or argument. Now, everyone is siding him. I bet they are, cause he talks to all of them, but not for me, as I don't find it that good talking about this to my aunts and uncles.
I find that they are not being fair to us. We, as a family, are normally busy. Yes, busy making money. But we all have a life too. We don't deserve to be pushed aside cause we are like....so-called "
wet blankets". You know, I miss those happy times we had when we barbeque till 3am in the morning. I was sooo jealous when other families still got to do this together. I miss those times when we would all squeeze in one van during Hari Raya and we would go visiting from house to house, without any complains. I remembered those times. I had fun then. I really did, even when it means travelling with a large number of people.
I wish everything and everybody will stay the same. ALthough my parents are getting older, my aunts and uncles are not getting any younger and us, the children are going into our early twenties, I think we should still cherish our family tie. It's a rather big family. But I love a big family. We all used to be sooo happy together...
Now, I hope and pray that I would never end up this way in the future. I don't want to start a family which will turn out to be an "
outcast" in the end.
(Though tears are welling up fast in my eyes, I'm glad that I say what I have to say. I don't really care whose reading. But hopefully this entry will be able to convey the right message to everyone....)
QueenLiyn@23:14
------------------------------------------------------------
Anything and Everything...
Like usual, today did almost nothing. Got a letter from NTU, asking me to attend the College of Engineering Orientation. I'm going. Hopefully and probably with Steph. I need to go to and fro there nowadays. A lil bit troublesome cause I don't like the long rides in a public transport. Maybe I'll get used to it when school starts like I did when I was in NP.
Anyways, me and Steph stayed up late last night chatting about the days we had spend together for the past few years. Oh yeah. We love our library days the most. We can never forget that. We did anything and almost everything there. Eating. Sleeping. Chatting. Laughing. Stalking. Peeping. Just name it. Well, I guess now we are too old for all that.
Ok let's talk about something else.
I'm reading my entries in my very first blog. I called it my
public diary. It's where I'm in need of something but I never asked for it. It's something that I desperately need and not want and I'm still searching for it now..... Well...you all should read how I was like a year ago by reading my
101 facts about me...And think what I was thinking that time. My
grades were damn good that time. Read bout how I got
rid of my past. And when I was in the "down-with-love" period, I think I wrote the best
essay for one of my modules on love and I post it on my diary. This is one of the paragraphs:
Love is a good thing. Love could light up someone’s life and bring a smile when their world turns gloomy. Love brings peace. Love encourages. Love provides hope. Love has no boundaries. It’s soulful. Love can be many splendid things. It brings joy to someone’s life. Love is elementary. Love rocks on. Love lasts for a lifetime. Love is everything that’s wonderful.You see...even when I was depressed, I wrote something really nice. See how that
someone entered the picture when I was out-of-love.... Read about how it feels like to get
married to the wrong person in my dream.....It happened to really be a JOKE for me a month later. Read about how I planned my
future with my parents. Read about why I've always said...
True Love Never Dies....Read about why at times I really
hate myself.... Read about why
faith is important in our lives....
Okay...I'll just stop here about my old diary. It's all about him, him and him. It's just a past that I've put behind. That's why, this blog is like my 3rd blog. It's just something that I had to do before it emotionally wears me off. I need someplace new to start afresh. I love someone else now. This blog is going to be concentrated about him, him and him. Hahaha....
Anyway...I've seen things. I've experienced them. It's true. It's in most of my girlfriends. It's in me. It seems that girls will do anything to be with the guy they love.
QueenLiyn@23:02
------------------------------------------------------------
Poly days...
So, today I went for my medical check-up at NTU. And guess what...I failed my urine test. Probably it's being caused by my menses cause my body functions differently during the time of the month. What the hell....Next week, I've gotta come back for my second test.
You know what...I gained 2 kilos.
TWO DAMN KILOS! I'm afraid that I am gaining mass cause whenever I want to go to the gym, I would only drink milk before my workout and I will only eat after my workout. It's like a biological part of the workout. After the workout, my muscles will expand and when I eat, the food that I intake will fill up the empty space which is caused by my muscle expansion, which in turn, will make me gain some mass.
I think I have to stop eating after my workout. Probably drink some milk only. If not, whatever I've done for the past few weeks will go to waste. I've been monitoring my diet and torturing my ass in the gym for the past 5 weeks. I can't afford to be fat and heavy again even when gaining mass just means making my butt firmer.
So, this week I'm going to hit the gym twice.
Anyways, next Monday is my graduation ceremony. I can't wait to go back to school. Probably it will be my very last time stepping into Ngee Ann Poly. It would become very emotional for me. I won't cry but I'll be leaving a lot of things behind:
My being BIG days. My crazy library days. My sleeping days. My eating days. My laughing days. My daily morning dates inside the toilet. My tutorial copying days. My pms-sy days whereby people around me get to see me throw tantrums. My laboratory days whereby I would hangout with my group members like Steph, Gary and Jun Ming and we would talk cock while waiting for the equipment to generate results. How me and Steph would often come in late for lectures because we were eating in the canteen. How me and Steph would always laugh at the guys. How I was so damn scared to approach him. Those stupid days. Hahaha.....My days bumping into my dearest in school before he knows that I love him. It's funny how he can make me smile for the rest of the day and how he still does till now.I won't say that my poly days are my best days. But those days were my rebelling days. Days of doing the wrong things. Not handing in tutorials on time. Cheating during tests, even for common tests. At least, flirting wasn't in my mind then. I wasn't even interested in any guys. How I would actually sit beside another guy to make the other guy jealous even when that guy has a girlfriend that time. I didn't even talk to him. Not even a "Hi". I broke that guy's heart...pity him...Not because he's too short or ugly...but I just wasn't interested in anyone else...Tsk tsk....
But the point is...I do enjoy myself in poly. I had my ups and downs. I am so glad to meet great people there. I am so glad that Hatta decide to go to NP also. If not, I doubt we would be together now.
I'm moving on people....moving on to greater things in life and I'm walking towards the future that I've been building for years.
QueenLiyn@22:20
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Butt hurts
Hmm...after 5 weeks in a poshy gym, I finally had to go to a public gym cause my session at Amore was over. And I wasn't as comfortable as I was when I was at Amore. There were lotsa guys in the public gym and I didn't get to do my full workout as the guys conquer those stations.
But well, at least now I know that I can run seven whole laps in 30 minutes unlike a year ago whereby I could only run 4 laps.
Big difference huh?
Now my butt hurts like hell. Going there again this Friday.
Don't know what else to blog...
I guess...that's all for now...
QueenLiyn@23:19
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Lesson Learnt......
After nights and nights of a lot of tossing and turning, I finally had a good afternoon nap just now. I was reading a storybook in bed when I fell asleep reading. I slept all the way till in the evening. And when I finally got out of my bed, I slumped my whole body on the floor of my mom's room and slept again. Haha....soo tired...
So...what was bothering me for the past few weeks has finally been solved. Well, I know it ain't easy to maintain a good relationship. There are a lot of things that we need to maintain in order to keep the relationship going. And if there's a problem, we have to work it out together and be in it together. Unlike other couples, the both of us don't quarrel or argue with each other. We compromise...right?
So, my lesson learnt, never keep things from each other, especially things that involve our relationship....
Welll...it's been a long time since I say this.....I love him and nothing can ever change that.....
QueenLiyn@23:37
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Impossible...
Hmm....I'm left with 3 weeks before I officially start school and I'm left with a week before I officially graduate from poly. I'm definitely excited to start school. I'm definitely excited to meet new people and make new friends.
But...at times...I want to go back to my past. I mean...I want to redo things and undo mistakes that I have done.
I guess it's just impossible.
Let's just live my life this way....
QueenLiyn@15:21
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CEO or Lawyer?
Been out since 9am in the morning. Went to Bukit Batok to have our breakfast, then, we headed to Mandai Zoo and spent almost 5 hours in the excruciating heat there. I had fun. We actually had fun. After that, we went to my father's workplace because he had an emergency to attend there. So, to kill time while waiting for Abah, we went from shop to shop at Bendemeer, looking for a skirt to match my graduation top. And well, I managed to find a 3-quarter length skirt which cost me 3 pathetic bucks. Haha...it's all because it's dark blue.
AFter that, we went to Beach Road cause Nasir had to buy new boots for his NCC as his boots were getting smaller for his feet. Then, we finally headed to Carrefour at SUntec City. I bought a new pair of blue LA Gear pumps there and we bumped into Mamang Nan and family. Well, didn't get to talk to Syahirah. But I think she understands what I was telling her using sign language and face expression...hehehe.....
Anyway, after Suntec City, we went to Ubi Avenue to just look at the place where Abah bought his new car. After a few minutes, I requested to go to Paya Lebar's This Fashion to search for a higher quality skirt that might cost 10 times than what I've found at Bendemeer and well, I did. After all that, we had our dinner at Changi Village while enjoying the sea breeze there.....
Haha...I'm basically pooped...when I reached home..I quickly took a shower and try to decide what to wear for my graduation ceremony.
I have 2 choices, the outfit that made me looked like a
CEO or the outfit that made me looked like a
lawyer but with a
coat on. Mama said that she prefers me to wear the CEO outfit. I was like.....
WHAT??!!! I look older, unshapely and FAT! Asked my brothers' opinions on which outfit and they said that, I definitely look better wearing the lawyer outfit. I also think that I look nicer looking like a lawyer. I like the black pleated skirt that I bought from This Fashion.
The thing is that...I want to look good for my graduation ceremony cause I hated the way I looked like in my
graduation photo. The thing is that the top that I am wearing for my lawyer outfit is equivalent to the top that I was wearing during the time I took my graduation photo. See the difference? Well, this really means a lot to me. Although I'll be graduating twice in my life, I do want to feel how an achievement is like for the first time and I'll still treasure it later, for the second time. But...like everyone else...I want to look good...
Haiz...the entry's getting longer...Will continue tomorrow...
QueenLiyn@23:15
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Prediction...
Erm...my prediction was correct. It's the time of the month again.
My mood...?? Pretty lousy if you all know what I mean. My medical check-up is next week. And dammit...I have to re-schedule everything...
OK...tomorrow I'm going shopping for new shoes and a skirt to complete my graduation outfit. Going to somewhere that I've been dying to go for a few weeks now. I want to go to the zoo!!!!! Hahaha...begged Mama to bring me there....Yay....
I'm like a lil girl again. Going to ride the horse, the elephant and take a photo with my brother's cousin, the orangutan. I want to relive my childhood days when I used to go there often.
Haiz...finally I let it all out.
QueenLiyn@23:35
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Finally....
Abah bought a new car. A kinda chic car. I prefer to admire itz appearance rather than to sit inside it. It's a brand new car with a brand new number plate. Our first time having a brand new car after 16 years of
don't-know-how-many used cars. Only that I don't like the colour. It's silver. I think it looks better in black. Anyways, it's a Kia Spectra...
I finally poured to one of my sisters and one of my girlfriends on what's been bothering me. Finally, I feel soo much better. It's not yet solved. I still have to approach it...
And I think I know how....
QueenLiyn@00:52
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