Raking up the past....
Can't believe that tomorrow is already Monday...
Today, I'm stranded at home again. Actually, I'm always stranded at home on Sundays, with nothing to do.
So, I was doing some ironing just now. Took me like almost 2 hours to finish all of it. While I was ironing, I was drifting away. I was thinking. Well...erm...not thinking of him. I'm thinking back at my past.
My thoughts drifted all the way back when I was just a little girl. You see, last time, I spend most of my childhood at my grandfather's house at St. Georges. I grew up with...ehem...A. Zul there. It was always all about me and him then. We were always the centre of attention. A. Zul and me were best friends. We did everything together.
I remembered once. We squeezed together in a sofa and we were shaking our legs in momentum...I still remember every bit of it. Then, Tok will sit in front of us and scold us. He said that if we keep shaking our legs like that, one day we will walk like spastic people.
And there was this room in that house. That room was filled with tons of memories. I still remember that there was once when my aunt was lying in a pool of her own urine on the carpet. Hahaha...don't want to name her. And my childhood memories are there. You see, whenever there's love, there's always an extra. There's someone who came between me and A.Zul. Her name is Nur'Aini or we call her Noi.
She's our cousin. Same age as me. Realize something, I never talk about her before in this blog? Yeah, cause our relationship ended years ago when she totally became my rival. She doesn't belong in my sistas club. Neither does she belong here in my family. She was my love rival and also my life rival. And guuuesss what? Abang Zul loved her. He loved her until he pushed me away. Well, I didn't hate him. I hated her.
In that room, me, him, her and my bro always play
pengantin. We would make an imaginary
pelamin and we would sit beside each other and pretended to get married. Ya...and well, who doesn't want to sit beside the person that you love...especially on the
pelamin...RIGHT?? And well, he didn't want to "
marry" me. Sooo...still being a child, my jealousy could be controlled. I gave him to her. And I just disappear.
But he came looking for me. I knew then, that he would be looking for me. But who cares right?
And there were those times when we also pretended to be mummy and daddy. We would sit at the bunk bed. And pretended to cook, go shopping, go to work...blah blah blah...and our son is my brother. Hahaha...that was the only thing I enjoyed with him especially, when there's no
Girl Girl.
Yeah, she's named after that stupid nickname. She's my love rival cause she snatched away A. Zul from me. She's my life rival cause she wanted and still wants to compete with me in life. I still remember the last time I went to her house. Her mother was bragging about her, saying that she had tons of guys chasing after her. I was like..."So what?!" I know I'm neither pretty or beautiful. I especially don't like to be chased. She also wants to compete with me academically...
And well well...I won. I won every competition with her. I won academically. And I won because I won his heart. Though it didn't work, but still, I won. I can imagine her now, with kids running around her. Maybe she's married. She's a school drop-out..that's what I heard. And she's the girl that A.Zul used to spite me, the first time.
You know, I didn't talk to A.Zul for a long time until when I was in secondary four. That year was when Tok passed away. We sat alone in Tok's room and we talked. We relived back the old days. And know what, he called me fat and ugly and compared me with that girl. Well, at 16 years of age...whose not angry right? So, I walked away in a huff. Damn him.
The next day, we were okay. We sat together we our aunts in Tok's room and looked at old photographs. We found many photos of us together. I want that special one. I saw it first. And I wanted to take it. It's a photo of me and him on a real
pelamin. But I was too late when he said that he wanted that. He took all the photos of us. Yaa...and the only photo of us I have, is when I was only 9 months old.
Back then, when I was 16 years old, I still had feelings for him. It was already buried deep inside my heart but at the same time, I was falling for someone else. I had mixed feelings. But well, A.Zul was the nearest to me and the only guy who know me well. So, I chose him.
I thought I chose the right choice. At 17 years of age, I said the 3 golden words to him. Yeah... and he asked me. I still remember the date and the place. It was at Bibik Ita's house. I was sitting down watching my sistas using the comp when he came into the room and lie down beside me. Guess how I felt??? Hahahaha...I wish Syahirah knows back then cause she wish that me and him are together now. I was damn nervous. Couldn't stand it anymore, I went outside. That was went he asked me, in front of everyone else. My mom was furious. And I was speechless.
I neither said a "
yes" nor a "
no". I was half-hearted. Don't know how to feel and I was just plain speechless. People said that I should have said a "yes", if I love him that much. But I didn't cause you know why...I've fallen for someone else. But still I continue loving A.Zul cause I know then, that I had no hope to be with that someone else....
At 18 years of age....we were still ok. Communicated via sms and messaging. Not much. Just once in a while.
At 19 years of age...all hell breaks lose...between me and him....and it's his fault....
At 20...I spited him back...heh heh...for him to taste his own medicine.......
And well..well..now I love that someone else. Funny how the matters of the heart are being handled....
QueenLiyn@23:50
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