I want to....
I feel like doing a million things now. But I just don't have the time and energy to do them. I want to do all the things that I love to do. But....*sighs*
Anyway, at work today, I've discovered something. Guys are not pro-active. They are what we say "lembab" in Malay. I'm not against guys...it's just that they can make me go mad. Don't want to mention names here. ARGHHHH! Maybe it's just my PMS...I don't know...
OKok...I actually installed the Sims back into my laptop. Can't resist the temptation but I've yet started playing it or even build my own family. It's boring to play cause it's not REAL....
YaWnZ! My apetite's increasing. Having cramps the whole day at work cause maybe I ate too much pineapples this week. But I love pineapples. Sweet. Succulent. Yum.....
I miss school. It's been weeks since I've been in the "school environment". I want to go to school. I want to be in school. I want to slack. I want to be the crazy girl again. I want to eat at Canteen 1. I want to eat at SIM with him weekly again. I want to do all those childish things with Stephanie again. I just prefer to study. But I won't be paid. At least when I'm studying, I've got all the time in the world to myself. I can do whatever I want. I can
ponteng school when I feel like it. I can
cabut from lectures when I'm bored. The best thing is that my friends are around me. We can crap around. Slack together..... And especially, I feel nearer to him when I'm in school. At least I don't need to think of a day when we are both free. At least I can be with him him almost everyday in school. I can wear whatever I want in school and not only jeans, jeans and more jeans. I want to wear skirts again! I don't need to worry about my phone bills when I'm studying. I don't need to worry about money matters. I can look at younger guys in school and not older ones at work. I don't need to be bossed around in school. I don't need to
act mature. Or should I say, I don't need to be mature. I can be the typical school girl again. I have my freedom when I'm studying. I have my life when I'm studying. I have everything when I'm studying. Only the exams will come in my way...................................
But then, I still have a pathetic 16 weeks to go before my attachment ends......
QueenLiyn@21:57
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D minahs...
So, I was tired to elaborate about the open house yesterday in my past entry...
But first, let's start with today...
At work today, it was rather chaotic. We finished everything at the very last minute. Nothing more to elaborate...Talk about work just make me want to doze off.....
And after work, I went SHOPPING! My favourite subject. Heh..Bought a lot of black stuffs. A new black watch. A new pair of black slippers. And also a new black handbag. Heh...been planning on a totally black outfit...
Ok...let's talk about yesterday's open house. I wore a pink kebaya with a rather big cleavage. LOL!!! Not purposely one....the kebaya oversized my body....Didn't really talk to Juni cause she had to go before we could start talking. But had a lot of fun with Syahirah, especially. LOL! We
interviewed my brother's girlfriend. Syahirah suggesting and whispering to me the questions whereas I asked and expected good answers....
We took a lot of pictures together. We almost look the same, especially our hairstyle, in the photos. The funny thing is that, everyone is like having the same handphone of the same brand and model! Bibik Ya, Bibik Ita and Obek Uci have the same handphone, Sony Ericsson T630. Bibik Ya, who's Syahirah's mother, actually wanted to exchange handphones with me!!! It's like the whole family own the same brand of handphone, Sony Ericsson. Bibik My and Mamang Rizal also own a SOny Ericsson T610 each. Wahlau!
Okok...that makes things fun among us. Always comparing each other's phones. I guess mine is the most beautiful one! Sony Ericsson Z600, my
baby...LOL!
Back to the open house. Didn't really hangout outside of my room cause there were too many people, so like usual, I was in the room with Syahirah. We were gossiping about someone in particular....can't say...And we talked about our favourite subject...BOYS! Or should I say, Guyss....? We talked about the Zul brothers, like usual. And some other people. Like my
him and her
him....
Then, at nearly 6pm, Camilia and Bella turned up. And that made the party better. We made fun of any kid that entered the room. Like Rausyan, who's Syahirah's brother, we said that he can get married to this girl, who just can't stop irritating us! But Syahirah refused to accept that type of girl as her sister-in-law...LOL! And we teased Sahlan about Sima, who is actually the Zul brother's sister....HAHAHAHA!
Camilia said that I looked different. My hairstyle. I said that it's layered....And I said that she should get her hair done so that it would look much nicer. She said that her father doesn't allow her to go to the hairdresser's to get her hair done. I think her father doesn't want boys to get attracted to her. She's very good-looking, yer know, but her hair spoilt it all! Every girl deserves to look nice, so I taught her something bad. Told her that when she's older, go and get her hair done only with her mom's permission. I don't care whether she looks like a minah, but as long as she can look beautiful, nothing can get in the way.
The four of us talked. Like crazy. The four of us really despised Mat-Tapered. They all commented something bad. I so sad....:'(...but nevermind....I can never turn back. We even talked about 20 years from now. They said that I might be even married...OF COURSE! I am going to be 39 in 20 years time whereas Syahirah will be 33, Lia will be 32 and Bella will be 31. All of us might be married by then. Mana boleh jadi ANAK DARA TUA???? Imagine how we looked like 20 years from now and who are our future husbands and how our future children will look like....*
wonders*...I'll soon be turning 2 decades. I feel so old.....
The four minahs of the family...me being the oldest, the leader and the mastermind.....Yeah...
From left to right: Me, Syahirah, Bella and Lia
Will be going out with him on Thursday...heh...can't wait...
Where's my pay???? I want my
FIRST pay!!! Mom didn't give me any pocket money this week and I'm
drying up fast! I want my pay!!!!
Attitude huh...I can't help it.....
QueenLiyn@20:12
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Open House 2004
So the open house was ok...
Nothing exciting I guess. Just got to know my bro's gf better...DOn't know what to say about her but my youngest brother said that he has really bad taste in girls!
He didn't turn up...neither one of the Zul brothers turned up...
That's why no excitement! Hahahaha!
OKoklah.....check out the gallery for the
Open House 2004....
QueenLiyn@23:31
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Good!
Oohh...I feel so good now...My handphone's infra-red is working again! YaY! No money wasted!
Just printed a hard copy of photos of me, my siblings, my parents and of him on glossy photo paper...
Those photos look better on the comp rather than on paper....
Hmmm...I think I'm going to sleep now...A rough day ahead of me later...so Ciao!
(P.S. Just updated my galleries....stay tuned for today's open house....Who knows whose photos I take...LOL!)
QueenLiyn@01:27
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Lalalala....
Just made some reservations online...
First, I booked tickets for the upcoming Nusantara concert at Esplanade on 11 December. Don't know
wth the concert is going to be about. My parents want to watch the concert cause their favourite singers like M.Nasir and Noraniza Idris are performing. It's a Malay traditional concert. My brother and me was like..."Eee...yucks...Zapin?" But what to do, my mom need to release pressure so we've gotta accompany them....
Second, I made reservations for rooms at Gunung Ledang resort. Will be checking in there during Christmas eve. I planned to take leave during that day. Ooohh...I can't wait to get out of here...
Also, I've been surveying the resorts on Tioman Island and Sibu Island. Kinda interesting. A lot of activities going on there such as scuba-diving, volleyball, golf....
I'm living a good life huh....Very exquisite life....LOL...But that's BS....
Anyways, my pop forces me to invite him tomorrow over at my house for open house. I kept saying, "I don't wantlah...not ready for this kind of stuffs!" He said he wanted to see how skinny H is...LOL...He kept forcing me and to make my pop shut up, I msged H in front of him. I wasn't expecting him to attend cause I don't want to be sabotaged or anything. My private life remains private. I'm still young okay...when I say I don't want means I don't want...
Fortunately, H gave me the answer that I was expecting. He's sick. Phew! Hahaha....well, I don't want to let things out in the open. My parents know...is enough pressure to handle already....I don't want people to intrude in my life...
My face feels so smooth now...hehehehe...but still there are zit marks on my face....LOL
Hmmm....I love this song by Nelly featuring Christina Aguilera...
Tilt Your Head Back...Kept playing the song over and over and over and over again....
Hahahaha....
QueenLiyn@00:03
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End of the weeks...
I knew it! My laptop isn't the problem. It's MY PHONE! Damn! I was given 2 alternatives, to send it to Accord Centre to renew the software of my phone overnight or buy bluetooth plug-in for my laptop. I chose the second alternative cause I can't stand it when I'm not with my dearest
baby.....LOL
Finally, it's the weekends! YaY! Today was a disaster at work. Lay Nah was on leave and Jing Ping was left alone, to handle me and Jasper. It's a disaster cause equipments, plating tests and all sorts of tests failed today! I managed to save her and Jasper from a test that they did for...don't know how many times....I never failed a plating test and guess what, I failed it today. The CVS equipment go "Ga-ga" today, giving us very low values. But the good thing is that, I managed to complete almost all of my Tech Service. All my analysis went well and all values are at their optimum.
At the end of the day, my legs were wobbly but I was glad that the week is finally over....
Steph and Sukhairen asked me why I fall for someone shy and quiet. The answer's easy. Honestly, I love him because of that. Shy and quiet. Yeah...so H...you know now some reasons why I love you...hehehe...
Hmmm...what else to say huh...oh ya...tomorrow, I'll be getting the bluetooth plug-in. Very important for me to have it.....
For now...I'll ciao!
QueenLiyn@19:50
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My poly years
So, I've just activated GPRS for my phone. Rather tedious because it's a second hand phone and needs manual activation. The bad thing about the condition of my phone is that the infra-red port is not working. Actually, I don't know whether my laptop or my phone has that problem but I won't be able to post much pictures from now on. Only "important" photos will be send to my laptop via email.
Okiez...at work today. Not so bad. But ended the day with stupid mistakes. Accidentally diluted the only sample that I have. Diluted the sample needed for CVS testing with the wrong solution. DAMN!
Well, I was sitting in my room staring into space for more than an hour. Reading and re-reading my personal diary. Memorized everything...LOL...I thought about my poly years. I remembered being the freshman there. Very anti-social. Quiet. Reserved. The first friend that I made was Xiuhui. Went home together and everything. Had weekly lunches with my secondary school peeps but we were not that close anymore. Second semester in poly, got to know Steph from PJ.
Second semester in poly, someone put me in a spot. I was shocked to the core when I found out about something. Avoided him after that and never ever talked to him.....This semester was when I received a blessing from God. My very first A in Maths. Yeah! So the first year in poly, my focus was only my studies and I competed with the people around me......My aim was to get the highest amount of A's.....
The third semester.....life went well...day in day out...study...study and more study although part of my focus was somewhere else. Managed to maintain my results.
Fourth semester, I suffered from depression for a few months. Relationship problems. Rather stupid when relationship problems come in the way of your goals. My grades drooped a little. And when I recovered from depression, I studied REAL DAMN hard and guess what...my grades were peaking. I was at my best. I did well, very well...I was so damn HAPPY! But that semester dear Steph always had her mood swings...don't really like it...
When my fourth semester ended, we went for industrial training at CPTC in Jurong Island for 6 weeks. Hated to wear the blue coveralls with our safety boots and goggles everytime we need to go out in the field. So hot! But I had an experience in climbing a distillation column as well as doing trouble-shooting. Experienced what it's like to do shift work at night. Truthfully speaking, it was rather enjoying as we kept ourselves awake by playing cards through the night! Most of the people K.O. as early as 1am. Me and Stephanie was inside the control room watching out for problems in the plant. We were still awake until 5am. I finally felt dizzy and nearly dozed off on the comfortable chair. But instead, I excused myself and slept in the toilet. Haha! I think Steph did that too...DOn't remember...
That was fun....
Fifth semester in poly. Things started to change. During the industrial training, I've decided to turn my life around. Turn it around so that I can forget my past. Steph had a new beginning, started a relationship with one of our classmates. Me? I had my own new beginning. I changed myself. Changed myself until I became very open. Did something that I've never done before. LOL....never in my life, that I would imagine it to be this way. But what I've decided to do, I'll do it. Still remembered the date I did that. 26 July during AEM lecture. LOL! After all that's happening, both of our grades drooped. Rather badly. Hehehe...we got distracted...VERY distracted. None of us ever get moody in school. She had her guy and I was...erm...trying to get mine....We were really crazy during this semester. GUYS! We talked a lot about them but sadly, when there's a beginning, there's an ending. Steph's relationship was over during the morning of our last day in school. It was on the rocks since her birthday but he ended it on the last day of school.......Me on the other hand, him and me....just going with the flow.....
About this fifth semester, we actually copied each other's work during tests. Cheated a lot but ended up with different grades. We did our final year project. Rushed everything in less than 2 months cause we started off the semester with laziness.....But alas...we got an A....
Both of us studied hard for the exams this semester but know what...both of us had C+'s for this semester and lesser A's. I nearly failed one of our modules and she nearly failed another one of our modules. But life was better during our last semester in poly. Not study...study...study...like crazy!
Well, now we are in the same company, working for our grades for our very last module, Industrial Attachment. We are planning our own future. She planned hers. I planned mine, only that I am still unsure on which path I want to take.
But I guess....no matter what....my future and my happiness lies in my own hands and Almighty-Allah.
QueenLiyn@23:54
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Getting Rid of...
Went to the doctor's just now. Consulted him about my skin problem. Need to do something about the growing acne on my face. Prescribed me antibiotics to get rid of the zits and also an acidic lotion.
Know what...I'm getting fat again. Dammit! That stupid tummy is growing again. It's so difficult to maintain my weight....Damn!
Anyways, at work today. I am like shaking my legs all the time. Jasper was being pushed around to do QC whereas I was at the dry lab doing the lab instructions manual. Not good for me cause not enough pressure on my legs. Need to move around more. Bibik Nana said that I would look better if I lose more weight...wonder whether she meant my body or my face? LOL...
Today, my brother brought back his girlfriend for Hari Raya and to meet our parents. Bad impression at first sight cause they were holding hands when my mom opened the door. They are showing utter disrespect for my mom. To me, bringing home someone that you love is like inappropriate at this time and age. I will only bring someone home when I'm getting married. If not, I won't...
I'm so sad today. One of my sisters ended up in the Normal Technical stream. Had a gentle talk with her. It's rather important to be in the better stream in secondary school. Cause this will determine your ultimate future.....
I feel so sad cause I'm not being a good role model...
But anyways, the other sista of mine, who is Juni's sister....did kinda welll...much better than me but not as good as Juni...LOL....
Me and Steph talking like usual on our way home just now. Asked her to accompany me shopping as I want to buy something rather important. She, on the other hand, wanted to spend all of her first pay on shopping. I talked to her about how intrusive my parents can be. They wanted to know every single detail when I went out with him. She said that parents can't be like that cause they also must respect our privacy. I just don't understand my parents....
oklah...ciao for now....
QueenLiyn@23:59
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Arghh!!!
Wtf...I'm falling sick...my throat's asking for trouble...
Kept coughing n coughing...At work the whole day, I felt that my voice was choked. Can't talk properly.
Hmm...thinking on the bright side...I can take leave....hope I fall sick...
LOLzzzz....
QueenLiyn@23:11
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Broke
I'm broke....:(...left with like a pathetic 10 bucks inside my wallet...Spent on clothes over the weekend and now I'm left with no money.
Dug up my Hari Raya money. Haha! Mom doesn't know about it. Took 6 bucks to make me last till the end of the week.Anyway, I don't spend during lunch so 6 bucks is enough for me to survive....
Will only have some money at the end of the month when I get my first pay. Haha...first thing I would do is to pay my outstanding handphone bills.....and the next thing is to go out and enjoy! Bowling!
OK...at work today. Didn't do a lot of analysis. I pity Jasper. Really pity him. Always
kanna bullied by my supervisors. I was actually very free with nothing to do except to start on my project to design the lab manual and instructions. Asked Lay Nah whether I can help in any way for QC but she said, "Nevermind....it's okay...you do your own work..." Even in preparing titrants, Lay Nah doesn't allow me to prepare them when I'm always the one preparing them!
I get along with my supervisors nowadays. Laughed a lot...especially at Jasper. Wahlau...I really pity Jasper! Just because he's the only guy around, he's always being bullied...!!
Wonder how he feels....
Anyways, Steph is better today, I guess. Have not been telling her things between me and H. Just gave her the summary of everything. Never elaborate. Used to elaborate to her every detail, but now, would rather keep quiet about things. I'm rather happy for her cause the guy she secretly loves asked her to cook for him. Geez....how nice....The guy is kinda handsome, yer know.....but very Ah Beng...But they are much more compatible compared to her and her ex..LOL..
I'm so bad..........
Hehehe.....stayed up so late last night to chat with him. Actually, there's not much to talk about cause my intention to ask him to come online was to send him the photos and asked him about bowling. But instead, talked about my problems...LOL
Stop LOL-ing Liyana.....
Hehehehe...
Going out now...soooo...CIAO!!!
QueenLiyn@19:26
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Shut Up!
Enough of the disturbing stuffs...
Work today was rather tiring. Had a lot of Tech Service to do. Need to repeat don't know how many experiments cause they failed. Tried to do QC again...and know what....all the tests that I did for QC all failed...LOL! My heels hurt by the end of the day as I was standing at the exact position for more than 2 hours as I finished all the outstanding tests for AAS. AAS sucks man! WHy must you choke during this time!!!
OK...nevermind. I've decided to go on a strict diet. Will be trying to have cereal only for lunch for a week. I've got no mood to eat oily stuffs anymore though I'm rather hooked on peanuts now! Know what I was lusting the whole time after lunch? PEANUTS!!! I could taste the saltiness of the garlic at the tip of my tongue...Yum Yum....I know it's not good for my skin...but I couldn't help it!
LOL...
Actually...I'm feeling so high right now. Lalalala....like eating ecstasy...Truthfully speaking, the adrenaline rush is still there since last Thursday...hahaha...one reason, our photo is my wallpaper on my handphone...and whenever I flipped my phone, I will always see the 2 of us! LOL!
Stop LOL-ing Liyana....Hahahaha!
Just don't understand why Stephanie always look very sian at work. When she look that way, I don't feel like talking to her cause if I talk to her, I'll become sian also. You see, we have to get used to this type of working life. I know it's not that easy. I was also sian for the first 2 weeks of attachment. But as time goes by, I got used to my work and began to enjoy it. No matter what, I've gotta think positive. Positive thinking is good for the mind and the soul.
Nowadays, talking to Steph is like talking to a wall. So, might as well I don't talk to her. Even the slightest joke, she also take it seriously....so I might as well keep quiet.
Hmmm....I want to go bowling...too free already...bowling is like one of my favourite sports and it's been a long time since I bowl. Maybe I've lost my touch. H, want to go bowling with me? Heh..
Thinking whether to message him to come online or not....hmmmmm.......
Oklah....I guess I'll stop here...more interesting things coming up...especially this Sunday when there's an open house at my house....
So...CIAO!
QueenLiyn@20:18
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Is it obvious?
Went to Bibik My's house with Nasir just now. On the way there, stopped at Lot 1 for a while to buy Syahirah's birthday present, a beautiful bracelet and diamond studs.
I got myself mentally ready when I found out from Syahirah that A.Zul was already there. I entered Bibik My's house full of maturity as I was greeted by Mamang Nan first and then compliments from Bibik Nana. The question about where my parents and my brother were, needed to be answered repeatedly.....LOL....
Bibik Nana kept saying that I
lawa and that she's jealous of me. I was like "yayayaya" and "ape saje".....cause I don't see myself as
lawa. She said that if I lose more weight, I would look much much more pretty than Siti Nurhaliza. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That Siti thingy again....
How did A.Zul looked...as good as usual...with specs this time...and wearing black. But he looked unhappy. And cold. Though he smiled when I got there at first but later...he doesn't even want to look at me as I kept staring at him from faraway.
Is it so obvious that I've found someone else? Is it the way I look that made it so obvious that I love someone else? Why does A.Zul want to know who the guy is and how he looked like? And all I did was ignore and pretended to be ignorant? How I know he wanna noe? Cause when I was in the room, Mamang Wan kept pestering me to tell him about my present guy but I just ignore and furthermore, I didn't tell anyone about anything...
When he was carrying his niece in his arm. I can see how good he is with babies. Syahirah even joked that the baby is mine. I was like "WHAT?!!"...and said "Sorry, I don't want to marry him..." I wanted to take a photo of him carrying his niece but he caught me in the act, so I changed my mind.....
Syahirah said that there's a possibility that he broke up with his past girlfriend. She said that how can he give me the coldest shoulder. You know, he left early before his mother, brother and sister did.
I just don't understand. I want to see my abang as himself again. So what if I've found someone else? So what if he's single? It's not fair to me when I've moved on but he expect me to wait for him....PUHLEEZ....we are coming to the age of finding our soul mate and I can't wait for him forever. Him playing me always.
I just want him to be happy. And he should be happy for me also.
I just can't stand it when he behaves this way.
IMMATURE. All the stupid promises he made were all fake. He wasn't there when I needed him most. He wasn't there when I was falling. He wasn't there when I missed him a lot...
And now...u say u are unhappy...PUHLEEZ....u go to your own world...I go to mine...just leave me alone...
I'M SO OVER YOU!!! I don't want to know any of your troubles. I have mine...and it's more than enough to handle....
Ok enough...I've put up a new gallery of photos that I took at Bibik My's house....
QueenLiyn@21:54
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Crap...
Woke up rather late today. Maklumlah....there's nothing more to do at home...Too free... I was in dreamland and I refused to wake up. LOL...dreamt of him...
So, today, I've gotta represent my parents at my aunt's house. Mom can't make it because she's not feeling well whereas pop can't make it because he's working. My 2nd brother can't make it also because he's studying for his exams. So, left me and my youngest brother. Told my parents that I can handle it and I can be a spy for my mom there....heheheheh....I always
pasang telinga whenever I'm around her siblings! Rather fun when I eavesdrop older people talking....
Still tempted to play The Sims. But I kept telling myself that it's just fantasy and it's a waste of space inside my laptop. *sighs*
Anyways, Chaili, one of my close friends back in secondary school, booked me for her incoming 21st birthday party. Her birthday falls on 11 December and it's so damn faraway to give her my decision. I doubt I'll be going cause I know there's no one to accompany me there.
Well, talking about 11 December...heh...do you know that his birthday falls on the 10th of December...coincidence huh....and also today is Syahirah's birthday. Happy birthday sister! 13 already huh...I feel so OLD! Decided to buy her something on my way to Bibik My's house......
Okok...enough of birthdays. I'm gonna turn 2 decades in like 2 months. So old...But I can't wait to enter the adult world.....
I guess I will be gone for now....CIAO!
QueenLiyn@11:39
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Blogging again...waiting for the washing machine to give me the "OK" sign before I can do the laundry.
Went out since morning. First to Alexandra Hospital to visit my grandaunt. That hospital is really like a resort and I played around with the high-tech toilet bowl while doing my "business"....LOL...Then, went to eat lunch at the Raffles Hospital Banquet. Ate quite a lot....hahaha....don't know why.... After that, we went Hari Raya visiting...the whole day, only managed to go 3 houses, including A.zul's house....but as usual he's not at home.
This year Hari Raya doesn't feel like "a normal Hari Raya". No mood to go visiting. No mood to go anywhere to do anything. My family feels like going somewhere away from here for some time...Looking forward to Christmas whereby we can go to Gunung Ledang for a few days and also looking forward to next year's Chinese New Year whereby we will be going to Tioman Island....
Hmmm...I can't wait to go for a holiday. A short one is okay to me already...
Tomorrow, will be going to Bibik My's house with my brother for a few hours. She organized an open house at her house. Can't wait to meet my sisters....LOL...Talking about open house....my mom organized an open house at our house next week. My brothers invited their friends over but I am too lazy to invite anyone. I think I would rather spend more time with my cousins rather than my friends cause I can meet my friends anytime but not my cousins cause we live rather faraway and they are still young.....
Want to blog a longer entry...so here goes my crap again....
Anyways, I can't imagine my life without love. I did hate love once. I was "love-less" for months earlier this year. I couldn't focus on my studies that time. All that hatred and anger in my heart left me with puffy eyes for months. But during the time when I realized that I am changed to a cold-hearted bitch, I tried to pull myself up again. I was able to convince myself that for every misfortune, there's a blessing behind it. I was able to bring back love in my heart when I stand up again. Had a minor crush on someone but it wasn't real....so forget it and then,
*sighs* love has something in store for me.....
I began to think way back, before I was blindly in love with my past. I did like someone else before him. I just couldn't say "YES" to that fact. I waited for a miracle to happen for more than a month. But finally, I decided to create that miracle myself. And I did. I just couldn't believe that I did it...till now...
Some people doesn't believe in miracles. A lot of miracles had happened in my life throughout these years. Stephanie used to be one of them who doesn't believe in it until she herself witness a miracle. It happened when I said to her during our last day in school, " It is a miracle if this 'thing' happened today..." And in front of her eyes it did. She saw it and couldn't deny it. I was rather happy then and it lighted up my black day....
Only Steph knows what is the miracle. It's rather minor...maybe it's even nothing...but it meant a lot to me that day....That day, my last day in school was like my
WORST day in school...
I guess...this is it for today...ciao for now...
QueenLiyn@22:55
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Morningz...
Good Morning....woke up early in the morning to go to the cemetary but when I woke up, it was raining so...too bad....
Hmm....yesterday at work, I've got a lot of things to do. There were a lot of QC samples to do but mostly, they are being pushed to Jasper. My supervisor, Jingping, always picked on him. She and me were like laughing at him when she kept scolding him. Pity him....got bullied by a girl! HAHAHAHA! There's a lot of Tech Service to do. Managed to only finish 1 set of samples only. Will continue the rest on Monday. At least I've got work to do...
Looking at the photo that I took with him...I looked so haggard. LOL....I was rather sleepy, maybe because it was after work. I nearly dozed off when we were watching the movie. Hahaha...sorry...but I did enjoy myself...
Been trying to get rid of the zits on my face especially the one under my chin. It has been there since my exams. It sucks when my face have zits cause it will take a log time to get rid of them....ARGHHH!!!
Anyway, uploaded a lot of photos last night. Check out "My Environment" gallery to look at my working environment. Check out also "CatZ" gallery as I visited the cats at one of the house near my block. And like always, check out "Attachment" gallery and see how bad Steph's pms was...hehehe....
For now...I ciao first....
QueenLiyn@09:21
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Pretty Lazy...
Reached home nearly 11pm. Took a warm shower. And now, I feel fresher and smell nicer...hehehe...
At work today, nothing much to do. I didn't do any QC stuff except for visual check and checking for solubility of the samples. Dumped all the QC and paperwork to Jasper. Did only 1 CVS testing on Tin and it took me less than an hour to finish. Did also one Tech Service on Tin but finished too fast till I'm left with nothing to do. For the rest of the day, I pretended to do something. Like preparing the indicators solutions which is the most easy job. Prepared titrants which needs a lot of accuracy and concentration. And took my time, filling the DI water bottles, washing the beakers, flasks and test tubes.
Haha...actually...I am pretty lazy today. Do QC everyday can be very sian leh....
After work today, I changed my white top to a green top and left my whole bag in the locker. Went out with him to Jurong Point. Don't want to go so faraway cause it's at night. We watched the movie, Taxi. Very funny show. And then, ate dinner....Nothing more to elaborate...LOL....
OKok....my body is itching everywhere, especially my arms. I kept scratching them. Maybe too exposed to VMS that I use for CVS testing. I've got sensitive skin, you know...Hahahaha!
Anyways, just updated my Attachment gallery. You see...I'm so self-involved. At work, I always take a picture of myself especially before starting work, after lunch and after work. Just couldn't stop clicking away. Stephanie said that I'm crazy. Hahaha...Steph...u bringing Honey Stars again for lunch tomorrow huh?? Hahahahahaha! So kiddy....
*closes eyes* I'm so sleepy now.......Ciao for now!!
QueenLiyn@23:52
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Fly Away
An important reminder to Syahirah....Hey....forget about himlah. Everytime you are jealous of Camilia, think of what I said to you, "Dun get ursef into what I got mysef into..."
The ZUL brothers....have tongues as sweet as honey and as gentle as the wind. Tall. Handsome. Mature for their age. But they only make good brothers, not good boyfriends....
I don't want my sisters to follow my path of love instead of my academic path. I don't want them to get hurt one day, by their own blood. Being the eldest in the family, like A.Zul said, I'm supposed to lead you, girls to the correct path. I know you would say that how can the eldest brother be the same as the second brother. If you see how similar both of them are, you'll know what I mean......
Anyways...at work today got a lot of work to do. I refused to do paperwork. Hahaha...Jasper got all the paperwork load. Failed a lot of experiments today. Don't know why. Maybe there's too many QC to do and everyone's rushing around to use the equipments.
Haiz....I want to go off...fly away somewhere faraway....to get away from all the pressure at home, work and everywhere else....
QueenLiyn@19:26
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Stupid
SO back again...
Unable to sleep....
Realized that my personal diary has been lying on top of my dressing table untouched for months! Actually, honestly, I touched it like last week. But then, I wrote a few sentences, then, I don't know what else to write. Left that entry hanging inside my diary without even a signature...
That diary is for memories sake. Not for fun like this public diary where I can crap around.
*sighs*
Stupid words kept ringing inside my head, the words that my brother said to me. Don't like the sound of it....Although I didn't try to deny it...Don't really want to make this diary as a source of another problem for me, so I would rather keep things to myself....
Happy things?
Everyday, life has been a chore for me. You can see that I didn't even wish "Selamat Hari Raya" here. I was actually looking forward to this festive season but when it comes, I just don't feel so great about it. Though things have change for the better and I have change for the better, I'm just...erm....not happy...
Everyday, go to work. Earn that pathetic sum of money. Fortunately, it's better than me sitting at home becoming a couch potato and gaining more weight than I lost. Fortunately also, I've got someone to talk to at work, unlike at home. Unfortunately, I don't enjoy enough since my exams. You know, movies, shopping and all those things that I love to do.
I'm trying to kick the habit of spending. My last BIG
spenditure was on my handphone. 300 bucks, finished just like that. Last month handphone bill has yet to be paid. DAMN! Now, I must be more responsible, especially on my expenditure. Learning to be less materialistic although I've planned on another BIG
spenditure, an MP3 player. LOL...
Need someone to guide me to be more thrifty. Just who can do it...I wonder??
QueenLiyn@23:36
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Festivity
Still in a festive mood.
Feel honoured that even at this age, I still get some money from people and it's not little but a lot! I got much more than my brothers! Hahaha...
At work today, had a lot of work to do. Things are flying here and there. Spilled chrome onto my delicate skin. Damn! Hope there's no chronic effect on me. Smelt too much ammonia. Nearly fainted! LOL...
Updated my galleries. Put up new galleries such as photos that I took at work, of cats and my favourite cars and also my family members. Uploaded more photos at "Me, Myself and I" gallery.....I'm so self-involved....hehehehe
Hmmm...about love....hopefully he's available tomorrow.....;)
QueenLiyn@20:09
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Eid Mubarak
So, today is the first day of Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Eid Mubarak.
My weapon for today is my baby....I mean my camera phone. Kept going around clicking away.... Went out for a while and came back around 4pm as my mom's siblings were coming over to my house. Hoping for him to appear and guess what....he did, unattached and as handsome as ever...hehehe...oh damn...STOP IT!!!
Here are some of the photos that I took:
This is a very rare chance...to see me in the tudung. My pop said that I looked like Waheeda, a Malaysian singer...but I don't think so....
My mom and pop....(mom's not smiling cause she ain't happy)
And here are my siblings plus me (center)....on the left is my 2nd bro, Ilyas, whereas on the right is my youngest bro, Nasir...
And as promised, this handsome guy is my past guy. (He's Abang Zul)
I know that I'm not supposed to talk too much about my past or even talk about him. I can't help it cause I'm missing H and I can only turn to my past. The good thing is that, I'm totally over A.Zul. That feeling that I used to have for him has long gone. Although, I can't look at him in the eye anymore but I still can joke around with him. YaY! I'm done with my past.
Erm...to H...if you are reading this and you find it hard to tell your folks about going out....I'll teach you a way...DON'T lie cause it isn't worth it but instead..."twist the truth".....
Anyway, added another gallery, check it out. And to conclude this entry.....I'm still suaku over my camera phone...hehehe
QueenLiyn@22:32
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Eve of Eid Mubarak
How time flies...it's already the eve of Eid Mubarak..
Been cleaning the house since morning and it's like very clean!!! I even tidied up my own room.
Before
My untidy room with my "un-linened" bed (left).
Untidy desk with my pencil box, cds and bag lying all over the place.(right)
It took me more than half an hour to tidy up my room. And now, my room went into a drastic change. Erm..maybe I'm exaggerating a little but it's tidier now....hehehe
After
(Right) My tidied room and my bed covered with purple linen. (why the hell I agree on purple....when it's a gay colour....)And my desk has almost nothing
on it.
(Left) My dressing table, where everything lies....hehehe
The thrill of having a camera phone is indescribable . Kept taking photos here and there. It'll become my weapon for tomorrow when my cousins come to my house. Hope he appears cause then, I'll be able to show you how my past guy looks like. Now my blog won't be text, text and more text.
Anyway, check out my photo gallery.....
For now, I'll ciao!
QueenLiyn@16:43
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Dreamz...
So most of my dreams come true.
A merit diploma. A new handphone. And plain happiness....
Hehehe...
Although I've got a pathetic C+ on my results slip after so many semesters, but I'm glad that my diploma will not be an ordinary diploma. I did fairly well. Not as well as 2 semesters before...but as long as I'm graduating next May, I don't care how well I've done.
Anyway, I bought a new handphone. Sony Ericsson Z600. One of the latest phone by them. Kinda cute and trendy. Still learning how to use it. Can't wait to take photos. *smirks*
So engrossed with my new phone that I forgot about him...hehehe...relax...need to figure out how to use this phone....
So for now...CIAO!!
QueenLiyn@23:19
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Hope...
Happy Diwali to everyone...
Woke up in the morning with a bad stomach. Went to the toilet twice and then sleep again. Woke up at 10am with my mom smiling and saying to me,
"Ek eh, budak ni. Tidur macam orang puasa gitu." But I was already awake when she opened my door and smiling sleepily at her...
Hehehe...stayed up late last night to chat with my dearest....*smirks*
Staying at home today to clean up my messy room and to rest.
Tomorrow I'll be getting my exam results. Hope for the best.
QueenLiyn@13:01
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Talking Cock...
Oh shit....I just realize that this Friday will determine my academic future...I'm getting my exam results. SHIT! I'm so scared. SO nervous. SO anxious. I messed everything up last semester. My grades were drooping. I wasn't myself. And when I woke up from the "daze", it was too late and now my graduation is hanging on the line....
But I did work hard for the exams. Sacrificed my health and everything else just to make sure that I'm back on track. I hope it pays....Oh God...
Anyways, at work today I felt that I've got nothing to do. Jasper took all the QC stuffs and I'm like left with some TECH Service stuffs, boring stuffs. Jasper did the experiment that I failed twice last Friday, and know what....he failed FOUR times!!! LOL....I really laughed at him and he just don't understand what went wrong....HAHAHAH....
I talked to Jasper like how I talked to my guyfriends back in school. Like as if we have known each other for a long time but for now, it's only about work and I don't want it to go more personal.
Stephanie...I miss you! Hahahaha.....wahlau...I feel so lonely at work but those sexual COSMOPOLITAN magazines kept me busy during lunch...MUAHAHAHA.....!!!
Hmmm...I realized that I'm a very very selfish person.
Kedekut. Pelokek. I am very particular about sharing my things with other people especially my toiletries. I HATE it when people use my shampoo or soap for themselves cause it's MINE! I bought them to pamper myself and these things can eat up half of my pocket money each month! And I'm particular about sharing my bed. I would rather sleep on the floor rather than share it with someone cause I want my freedom. I would rather have the television all to myself so that I have the freedom to browse the channels whenever I want. I would rather buy everything that I own with my own money cause everything that I buy will be labelled MINE. And I definitely hate to share the guy I love cause I would rather let him go than share him with someone else.
Normally, I would rather give up things rather than share them with others. I DON'T share.
I'm looking forward to Sunday. Counting down the days to Eid Mubarak. Counting down the days till I meet my past. Counting down the days till I meet my present.
WHat the hell am I talking about????? Hahahaha....
Feel like writing a longer blog....so I'll talk cock here....LOL
Made up my mind about a new handphone. No choice. Have to buy a second hand one cause it's cheaper. I also want to buy an MP3 player so it'll eat almost all my savings. Decided to buy Sony Ericsson T610. It looks rather stylish and different although it isn't a flip phone and I can use bluetooth for it...hehehehe....
Hari Raya this year feels like nothing. I don't know why. I've been thinking a lot about this Sunday at work. Don't know how to face him. Don't know whether I can salam him and cium his hand this time like a
baby sista to a
big bro. Baby SEH! He introduced me to his friends like that last time. Hahahaha....I'm no baby....I remembered the stupid times I had with him. How we argued over our little cousins....and we compete on who can win the hearts of our cousins.
Truthfully speaking...I win. When my cousins are younger and still toddlers or babies, Abang Zul was closer to them cause he always carry them around and entertain them. Me on the other hand, become the role model as my cousins grow older. Still remember the times he called me a shortie. Hahaha...nvm...crazy guy...
But that was the past. I've grown up and he too become a much more mature guy.
Now, I'm waiting for H. Just waiting......
QueenLiyn@21:56
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Was alone at work today and the next 2 working days cause Steph is on compassionate leave. I'm used to her absence. Actually, I prefer to work alone. Prefer to do all the things myself without anyone taking part of my load or anything like that. Steph is under R&D whereas I am under Lab therefore, I've been working alone for the past week until Jasper come into the picture.
Jasper is from SP. He'll be attached there for 5 weeks and he's gonna work with me. Although he's fun to talk to and work with but him tagging me behind me....feels rather irritating. He's new, so I've gotta show him around.
To think I can work alone for 21 weeks.....
Anyways, enough about work.
Got some "boob-y" tips from my aunt. Hahaha...gotta do something with them as I have to look better as I'm gonna turn 2 decades in like.... less than 100 days.
My pop got a new phone...Nokia 3220. My bro also got a new phone...Nokia 7250i. What about my turn??? SOONN!!! I can't afford to buy my desired phone as I've gotta fork out 500 bucks. So, change of plans. Decided to buy either Samsung V200 or Sony Ericsson T610....Can't wait to get my hands on my baby...MUAHAHAHHA!
Still no news from him.....Steph asked me to message him but...I don't want to pester or disturb him......so......let me just wait....
QueenLiyn@23:39
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Where are you?
Today, I'm like a pro at work. LOL...NONE of my experiments failed. YaY! I was really focused although a little blur but still, no one can deny that all of my experiments succeeded! Hehehe....
Anyways, dreamt of him last night. I mean H. It wasn't a really good dream. In that dream, it was the first time I see him lose his temper. He screamed, ranted and shouted at me. I just stood there rooted to the spot, expressionless. I wasn't take aback but just don't feel anything. I don't even want to flee when he screamed at me. I let him shout at me and spout all those nonsense directly at my face. I was trying to adsorb whatever he's saying to me. I only started to 'feel' when he said that "IT'S OVER!" and walked away.
Didn't break down when he walked away. Just don't understand why. I only know that it's just a dream. And in reality, it's not over yet.......
I start to miss school already. Miss all those childish and crazy things that me and Steph used to do in school. Muahahahahaha!!!!!! Both of us plan to go back to school once the semester starts. I want to see that particular someone but on the other hand, Steph is at a disadvantage cause she won't find that someone she wants to see in school.
And I miss him..............I know I'm working...but still I've gotta have a life.....Where are you?
QueenLiyn@21:47
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Tell Him....
Mom said that whatever pressure I got at work, I shouldn't bring it home. Whatever outside remains outside whereas whatever inside remains inside. I guess she's right. My temper's been so bad at home cause of the pressure at work. Will try to learn how to tolerate all these.....
Need a haircut. My hair's longer now. And it's been a nuisance to me whenever I work in the lab. Will also need a hair treatment cause my hair's damaged and dry due to perming.
As Hari Raya draws near, I've been thinking more of my past rather than my present guy. I'm gonna come face to face with him on the first day. I've decided to give in. He used to mean a lot to me. I used to love him a lot. Waited for him for years before he made his move. But it's time to give up the past. So why not just say sorry although it might be the hardest thing to say. I'm also in the wrong so...no choice.....Got to know that he's outstationed at Brunei. Not bad...not bad at all....but I'm wondering how his present girlfriend tolerate his abscence or did they break up? Hmmmmm.........
Enough about my past...
How nice it would feel if I'm still in school just starting my 2nd semester in my 2nd year in poly. How nice it would feel if I told him earlier and I wouldn't feel so faraway from him. How nice it would feel if he come online. How nice it would feel if I talk to him. How nice it would feel if I can tell him that I care but those words just refuse to come out because of my doubts.....The song lyrics below will explain everything.....
TELL HIM by Celine Dion feat Barbara Streisand
I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do
I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance
To love him pass you by
Should I
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon
Rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself
Touch him
With the gentleness you feel inside
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's mean to be
All in time you'll see
I love him
Of that much I can be sure
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
I'll
Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Blind faith will lead love where it has to go
Never let him go
QueenLiyn@01:06
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Failure Day...
Yesterday was my failure day at work...I was doing tech services and quality check(QC) in samples that come from the warehouse and the engineers.
In the morning, all my experiments didn't fail. Everything went fine as I tested for the contents in the sulphutomate samples and also one of their powder products. But things started to fail after lunch...
I was given an assignment to test the contents in the chrome samples. My first experiment to test for the presence of chromic acid in the samples are successful but when it comes to my second experiment to test for trivalent chrome, I forgot to label the beakers and when my supervisor mixed them up, I don't know which one is which. And therefore, I redo the whole experiment. After that, all my subsequent experiments to test for the contents in the chrome samples went well........
I was successful in preparing all the buffer solutions and titrants but when I was given another assignment to do QC for one of their powder products called Cupratech PT, I failed
TWICE!
TWICE you know...and I shocked my supervisors cause I never failed
TWICE. I was supposed to check for the contents in that product. It was rather tedious to prepare the solution for titrating. My first test failed when I titrated cause it doesn't meet the range required. And then I did the test for second time and know what, I failed again as the results said that it wasn't valid. When I want to test for the
THIRD time, I
RESAMPLED EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN. And
FINALLY, it was successful. Dammit...I was rather scared when it failed twice but I was patient enough to do it all over again. Stephanie laughed at me....:(
Nevermind...yesterday was my failure day. I promise I wouldn't repeat this mistake again.......
Anyways, am very glad that he pass his driving test. YaY for him...heheheheh
Will blog again later....
QueenLiyn@13:02
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Back to Square One....
Shit....I'm gaining weight....Shit....I think I'm going to go on carbo diet again....I
MUST go on a diet again....When I thought I achieved something, I lost it over and over and over again.
I might be aching all over. Feeling tired everyday but still, I'm gaining weight....
I don't have time for myself anymore. I don't have a life anymore....You see, since I start my attachment, each day, I spend 12 whole hours at work, 6 hours helping my mom at home and d last 6 hours to sleep. How pathetic I am...
To my dearest...cheer me up....bring me to love again...
QueenLiyn@22:34
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My life...
Not as tired and sleepy like the past two days.
Feel better cause I'm not fasting...hehehe...but I'm aching everywhere. My little toes on each feet are in pain now due to my safety boots. My butt and waist are hurting also due to me moving around and squatting down a lot....
In the case of "sociability" at my workplace, kinda ok. The Abang-abang there talked to me. My supervisor is still a nice guy. And everyone there are smiling...
But the food there SUCKS! Just doesn't meet my standards. Will give another chance tomorrow and I'll decide whether I have to prepare food from home.....
Feel that all responsibilities are being weighed down on my shoulders. At home, at my workplace, in school and everywhere else.... Learning to become more independent, more responsible and more sensible....But it really tires me out...
Being attached to Atotech made me realize how difficult and tedious working life is. I learn how hard I need to work to earn that amount of money. This experience matters to me cause it will decide whether I am ready to enter the workforce after graduation.....
Enough about work....
Now about love. Haha...not really that active when it comes to love nowadays. I am more dedicated to my attachment rather than my love life. But anyways, it's been a month since I see him and more than a week since I chatted with him...
So, how do you think I survive without him?
QueenLiyn@23:33
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Nothing to Lose....
More tired...Very sleepy....Eyes Bloodshot...little toe painful..fingernails broken...legs feel like jelly....
Haiz....never know that lab work is this tiring and difficult unlike administration work. ACtually it's fun only that there's a lot of processes and procedures to remember. But it takes time to learn...
Work aside...
Come to think of it...I've got nothing to lose waiting. I mean it's better that I be patient rather than I give up cause giving up means giving up my efforts, pride and definitely all the memories that I've got with him....
Going back to the old days, those geeky years when we were in secondary school. LOL...I can still remember those memories cause I'd writtened them somewhere. And the memories of the last few months when things started to change. Some of those memories are kinda weird whereas some are so...erm...FUNNY...whereas others are like......don't know how to describe them....HAHA
And hey all moms out there...whats wrong with talking about boys???
QueenLiyn@21:40
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I'm Pooped!
My first day of attachment. Very very tired cause it involves a lot of moving around and walking. It's fun. People there are friendly. Even my supervisor. The ambience nice and cooling. But too COLD... And I saw a lot of Malay men eating. LOL....
What more to say huh?
Oh ya...spent almost $20 for cab fare this morning. Caught in a traffic jam for 40 minutes. Got scolded by the taxi driver cause I gave him the wrong address. LOL...not my fault...
I am feeling irritated by the time I reached home. Nobody to talk to about my day. So happy outside but when I reached home...........
I feel it coming....damn....it's coming...
Found a way to get my desired handphone. Negotiated a lot with my mom and pop. So, in like a few more weeks I'll be parading around with my baby...MUAHAHAHA
Everything put aside. I'm getting my "double bonus" this year.
And I'm giving him a chance and willing to be patient....although he frusts me a lot...
QueenLiyn@21:36
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