ignorance.is.a.feminine.virtue

First Day...

Tomorrow is my first day at Atotech. Will be going there by taxi cause I don't really know the route there....

Kinda anxious. nervous. lazy....

QueenLiyn@22:35

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rMenguji Kesabaranku

Bulan Ramadhan ini menguji kesabaranku....
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku....Tabahkanlah imanku, semangatku dan hatiku supaya aku tidak senang putus asa.....
Amin...

Hey Kawan-kawan...dah buat kuih untuk raya?

QueenLiyn@13:11

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Bored to Death....

I'm so bored now...with nothing to do....

Found out that my secondary school mates especially the girls have their own blogs. Nice.... So, in this way, I can be updated about their busy lives with their boyfriends and school work. LOL...

Tempted to play The Sims. But I don't want to play my fantasy life anymore. I prefer to play my realistic life game....Though it hurts, but it's "fun-ner"....LOL

OKlah..ciao for now...

QueenLiyn@16:15

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Torned in Between...

So last night, actually this morning, I dreamt of a similar dream about A. Zul. I dreamt this twice! The first dream, I refused to even talk to him. But just now, I dreamt that he wanted to talk about something important. At first I hesitated but I finally followed him outside for more privacy.

He said to me that we should give our relationship a try. And he gave me lots of reasons to why we should try again. I was conscious that I am attached to someone else but I took pity on A. Zul and I was convinced that he won't hurt me anymore. So, I held his hand as a sign of consent. I didn't tell him that I was already attached, out of pity.

But when we went into my room and he tried to kiss me, I pushed him away. LOL. Kissing is so disgusting! HAHAHA...nolah....I told him that I am attached to someone else and I can't do this. To think that I could shake him off when I told him that instead, he asked whether we still could try. Then, I said ok and he didn't try to kiss me again.

I, then woke up from that dream in cold sweat. It is more like a nightmare than a dream.

When I went back to sleep, I dreamt that I was with H, who is my present guy. I felt so guilty for two-timing him. A. Zul kept calling me the whole time I was with H. Then, in that dream itself, I ended up with 2 dates on one night. I was like....H is more important and the other guy is just a case of sympathy. So, I met H and you know what, they were at the same place!!!! I was so scared that I hid myself faraway from them.

I woke up and was relieved that it's just a dream. I don't want to be torned between 2 guys. I don't want to get myself into another SHIT. I know that in reality, A.Zul won't beg me to love him again cause he has a loving girlfriend. *rolls eyes*...Whatever...

Anyways, I'm still thinking about H. If he's reading this, I can assure him that I won't play him or his feelings. I am no longer a two-timing bitch.......

QueenLiyn@12:15

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Being outspoken....

Should I be open here? Hmm.....*wonders*

I mean I always speak in a language that it's rather hard to understand whenever I blog especially the one about the ultimate decision. Some people might not understand the message that I'm trying to convey...Maybe I should be open here but not for today...

I've been very direct and straightforward to everyone nowadays. I prefer to let things or words out rather than bottle them up. My words sting, I know. My words can leave some people shocked. My words can leave some people speechless. Like for example, I just said it out directly to my bro's face that he has a very BAD attitude and he's always a NUISANCE whenever he's at home. I also said something rude to my mom last weekend. I told her that she's IRRITATING and I CAN'T stand it. Called my father CRAZY. Stephanie knows how direct and straightforward I can be and normally, she'll just become speechless.....

I can't help it. I know I'm being evil. I never think about what the other party might feel. But sometimes, it feels rather good when I say things directly....Actually, I used to be the type of person who prefers to keep her comments to herself. But some guys in my class taught me how to speak my mind and be direct.

And from there, I've become the most (hmmmm...) outspoken person....LOL

QueenLiyn@17:20

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Decision....

I think I made a hasty decision. The decision which requires me to think on whether to take the straight path or go back against time. Should use up the whole length of time given to me for thinking.

And I'm gonna do it now. (some of u might wonder what am I talking about.....)

Left with 3 pathetic days. Yes, I was given time since the study break till I start attachment to think. I'm not sure which one to take. Tried to weigh all the pros and cons in my head but can't seem to get things right.

Actually I'm scared of making the right decision. I don't want to mess things up and put my heart on the line. Sorry Steph, I know I'm crazy. If you want to know why, I'll tell you the next time we chat. It's not that I changed my mind or that I'm fickle-minded. Something's holding me back from taking the straight path...That's why I'm thinking again............

So, 3 days are only that I have. It's up to the other party on how to react....No hard feelings...

QueenLiyn@05:04

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Mushy??

Thinking about him a lot....

Wish I could turn back time. Wish I could have that enough courage to tell him earlier and not at the very last minute. Wish that I could go back to our secondary school days. Wish that I am as close to him now as those days.

Though things change, it never feels the same again....

It's been weeks since I meet him...Really miss him.....

Enough....no more mushy stuff...

Did something to my face. Removed all the hair from my face. LOL. No kidding. I own a hair removal cream for face and bikini line. And I was crazy enough to remove my facial hair... Nothing better to do and if you know me well enough, I'm rather vain...LOL...

Negotiated with my mother about my salary. Told her that I want to keep three-quarter of it cause my pay is rather pathetic and I don't think I can survive with only half of it for a month. She didn't say anything and I assumed that silence means consent....

ARGHHH....just can't help it but to end today's blogging with "I REALLY MISS HIM!!"...HAHAHA

QueenLiyn@22:36

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Sick...

Down with gastritis...my mom saw how I looked like in the morning. I was in pain. And I was feeling agitated also. Throughout the day she was being soft and lenient with me cause I was feeling weak....I'm sick....

Was really PISSED with my youngest brother. Bad attitude. VERY bad attitude. He has an attitude problem maybe because he is being pampered too much. Feel like giving him a very tight slap on his face...

SICKENING....VERY SICKENING...

QueenLiyn@18:28

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Hibernating...

Been indulging myself with a LARGE packet of Ruffles. I am rather unhappy with something. Just don't want to talk about it.

Last night, Siew Yong messaged me that there'd be a class outing today evening. Sorry guys, truthfully speaking, although I love to play bowling, I just don't have the mood to spend the time with you all.

Maybe next time. Maybe when I've got the mood again.....

QueenLiyn@05:05

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Love....

It seems that everyone's in love including me. Been reading other people's blog and I could see that the sentence "I think I'm in love", appears once, in their blogs.

Love makes the world go round.

Hmm...don't know what else to blog. My mind seems so empty. Just now I did plan on what to blog but when I come to this dashboard, nothing pop up....

Been keeping myself occupied by helping my mom make Hari Raya cookies. Talked to my mom about certain things. Told her that I can't imagine how my life would be after I graduate from poly. Would I be able to continue my studies? If not, would I be able to find an appropriate job? She said that I shouldn't worry too much cause there would be job perspectives waiting for me outside....

So, job aside. I told her that if I managed to save enough money I will be paying for my driving lessons myself and then, go to Australia to continue my studies. She's rather against the idea of me going to Australia cause there'd not be anyone to help her back at home. Told her that she can depend on her future daughter-in-laws but she said they are rather useless...

So sadly, the idea of studying overseas is like out... :(

ARGHH...I haven't decide my future yet....but time will tell...

And I miss him a lot....miss hanging out with him...miss talking to him...miss everything about him..............

QueenLiyn@21:27

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I Lost My Ego to Love...

Just wish that I never leave dreamland...

Just wish that dreamland is realistic and I'll never wake up from it.

Cause there....I am with him....

Love is when you wake up, he is already in your mind...
Love is when you lost your heart, he is all that you can find.
Love is when you want to be the one to dry his tears..
Love is when you see the truth in every one of his lies...
Love is when you want to listen to all his whims and woes.
Love is when you want him to care about everywhere he goes.
Love is when he calls you, your heart goes a flutter...
Love is when you see him "I love him.." you silently stutter.
Love is when you tell the world that you love him so.
Love is when you've told the world... but he doesn't know
Love is when you know you'll still love him when he's lost his hair...
Love is when your eyes light up when you see him there...
Love is also when you hear your heart breaks when he held another girl's hand.
Love is when you crumbled as you hear them say that it will last forever.
Love is when you cry inside yet smile outside when they say hi to you.
Yet... love is a funny thing....
Love is suddenly real love when he says he loves you too...
Love is suddenly real love when his life revolves around you.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but he didn't dare.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but thought you didn't care...
Love is suddenly real love when now it's all coming true
Love is suddenly real love when you love him and he loves you...
Love is suddenly real love when now your life is nearly complete.
Love is suddenly real love when everyday... it's him you meet.
Love is suddenly real love when your friends accept him too.
Love is suddenly real love when you can have time for them and him and you.
Love is a many splendoured thing... and a really complex feeling.
So when you love someone... just tell him... or her...
You'll never know how it would turn out to be... one way or another.
Tell him before he's gone... tell her before she's taken...
Confess... confess... what's there to lose...
When pride and ego's forsaken.
You might never know... he might love you too
She or He, might feel the same way for you...

QueenLiyn@04:51

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Think Positive...

Just came back home...

Went for IAP briefing today. It's no surprise that me and Stephanie will end up in the same company. We are going to be doing our attachment at Atotech SEA-Pacific which is located at Tuas. One thing that we don't like about where we are posted to is the monthly allowance. It's too pathetic. It's like the lowest allowance compared to other companies...

But we think positive. We have each other for 6 months. We are going to do a job that has a lot of "leg shaking and kopi drinking". And lastly, we can share reports and presentations...Hahaha....

Going to start attachment next week. Can't wait....

After the briefing, I wondered around at Lot 1. Looked around and did some window shopping. Now, I feel so weak...so "pooped"!

Will blog again later...Ciao...

QueenLiyn@14:26

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IAP

*YAWNZ* 3 more hours to sleep....will be going to school later around 8 plus to attend the IAP briefing. Meeting Steph earlier to "enjoy the breeze"...LOL...Maybe I won't go home so early....
Want to take a breather outside and spend some time with my close friend....maybe it might be the last time we are togther...Hahahah...

OKlah...will blog again later...

QueenLiyn@05:16

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Busy...

Busy...just busy....to keep me oocupied from thinking too much....

QueenLiyn@19:18

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Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice...

Chatted with him last night till nearly 2am. I love talking to him. Find it really comfortable when I talk to him. It has always been that way since a long time ago. He sounded really awake and I too am very awake. Haha...NICE....Too personal to say more...LOL

Anyways, I've made my ultimate decision. That is.....to take the straight path. And not to belok to another path or to go back to my last path. I've made my decision and it'll stay that way for a long time. Stephanie said that something is rather wrong with me when I want to change my path. She said that I'm crazy. Yeah, I was but I've been seeing some changes which made me change my mind.

It's already after the exams. And I'm supposed to be enjoying outside. But *sighs*..I'm tied down with responsibilities at home especially during this fasting month. I WANT TO GO OUT!!!! I want to do what I love to do like shopping and watching movies but it seems that I just don't have enough time for myself. During fasting month, I don't have the freedom to do a lot of things. Like for example, I've got to be home on time to break fast. I can't go out cause have to help my mom at home. *sighs* I'm bored.....Maybe more freedom for me once I start my attachment...hehehehehehehe.......

QueenLiyn@16:56

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So what do you think?

Finally...I come up with my own design!! LOL

Worked on it for the whole day. Love the photo. Nice huh? And the words are the lyrics of a song by Hoobastank entitled "Pieces" and that's why my blog title is "Pieces of Me....".

Can't wait for TUesday....when I go back to school for a final briefing before IAP....

*phew* I'm so proud of myself now...LOL

Went to my aunt's house to break fast today. It was my niece, Ika's, birthday. There's something that I made me kinda quiet when I was there the whole time. I was refraining from looking at someone. The only thing that I know is that I always see this guy whenever I went back home from my secondary school last time. He's very nice-looking. Especially just now. He was in all black whereas I was almost in all white. LOL. He's tall, fair and has a nice bode, you know. He looked somehow like Abang Zul...but better...

But I was refraining myself from looking at him. I can't give him wild thoughts. I know I like someone else. DOn't even know his name despite the fact that he's one of my older cousins. But NICE...ohhh...SHUT UP LIYANA....

LOL...so what if he's handsome? He's not him....

LOL...oklah...enough crap...Ciao for now...

QueenLiyn@01:33

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Freedom...

I'M FREEEEE!! I'M FREE OF EXAMS AND EVERYTHING ELSE....YAY! SO HAPPY....

LOL...

Been working on a new background. I'm too fickle to make up my mind to which theme I want my background to be....Hahaha...I'm even creating my own logo....

So, from today onwards, I can actually start planning my life, my future. That includes whether I still want to continue studying or not and if yes, how long, where and what. It also includes on how successful I want my career to be as I want to do something that I love so that I can put my heart and mind into developing it. Another thing and don't know how important this is but I have to think about my erm...social future...erm...marriage? HAHAHA....too young to think about it now...But I do want to have a secured future, so why not plan ahead right? HAHAHA...

I'm so laughing at myself now...

Haiz....kinda miss him now...

LOL...

QueenLiyn@15:39

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A Pity...

It's a pity that I forgot my bro's birthday. I know it's on the 19th but I don't even know which day. Haha...too busy with my exams that nothing can ever get in the way...No wonder he came back from school rather late that night cause suspicion is that, he went out with his girlfriend as I found something in his room. LOL... Sorry...I know I am very bad but couldn't help it! He made it so obvious that I couldn't help it but suspect him. Who else would give an "I LOVE YOU" bear other than his own girlfriend? Can't be anyone else...He tried to lie to me but it's rather hard to tell me a lie without me suspecting....Don't play play with me....LOL

Not totally prepared for today's afternoon paper. Left to do the class test 2 paper and the past year paper and also to memorize the theory. A little bit anxious cause I don't know what tricks Dr Lim has on her sleeve. Scary lah...cause she can twist the questions until the general method can be so different. Like for example, a question can be solved without any simultaneous equations generally, but she can set the question in a way that we need to derive equations simultaneously, to solve...Luckily it's a 3 hour paper and I can take my time to think....

Having rather strong coffee right now. Need it to keep my eyes open for the rest of the day. Today, I won't be able to take any afternoon nap cause it's an afternoon paper. Hehehe...but still I know I'm gonna still be wide awake even after the paper cause everything's finally OVER!!!! Yeah!!!

Anyway, chatted with him online last night.

Oklah....ciao for now and maybe for today....

QueenLiyn@05:06

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Mentally Exhausted...

So, this morning...had difficulty getting out of bed. Finally dragged myself out of bed at nearly 11am. After showering, I still can lie down on the sofa when I'm supposed to do housework. My brain, my heart and my physical self isn't functioning today.

Tried to really focus on UOP. It took me more than an hour to finish the first chapter on evaporation. I wasn't really concentrating on my work, instead I kept lying down on my bed and stared blankly at my starry ceiling. LOL...

I was rather slow in studying UOP today. I tink my brain is really exhausted but still I've gotta forced it to work. Hopefully my brain don't die on me tomorrow afternoon...

Ooooohhh....I really can't wait for tomorrow's paper to end. I really really really want my last lap of exams in poly to come to an end as fast as it can.

After that, I CAN ENJOY TO MY HEART'S DESIRE!!!!

Hahaha...okok...for now...I've got 3 more chapters to thoroughly study...so Ciao!

QueenLiyn@19:49

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Pathetic...

Desperately in need of a new background. I think my background is like...too gurly...It's not me. Maybe after my last paper tomorrow, I'll work on a new background. I'll design my own background like I used to. Something darker...something that is more like me and my messed-up life...

Am glad that I don't excessively dream of him anymore. I need my beauty sleep more than I need him for now. Been lacking of sleep since the starting of study break. Will need more as time passes by.

Left with one pathetic week before I start a new semester. We are starting a new semester earlier cause all of us are going for industrial attachment. Our very last semester in polytechnic. Soon, this chapter of my life's gonna end. Too much things are happening and I think I'm messing everything up...

*sighs* Still thinking about him...

But till the end of tomorrow's paper...I've gotta FOCUS on my more important priorities...

QueenLiyn@05:23

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Changed...

I've got such a lazy arse right now...Should be studying for Friday's paper but too stressed to start studying again. Need to flush out the remaining stress from today's paper...Hehe...excuses excuses...

Don't know why I feel so happy right now. Yes, I achieved something. I've put back what I've messed up. But I've not totally clean up the mess that I made in my life. Hmm...what am I talking about....

First things first. If Mr. Z read my blog. I'm going to be really really happy that he read this. Then, he'll know how pissed I am with him. Thanks to him, I went into depression and after giving myself my own treatment, I came out of depression as a bitch. But in time, I changed. I change to someone that nobody had known before. I used to be gullible and rather timid. But now, I turn out to be more outspoken and rather proud. How do you think I suddenly am interested in cooking when I don't know how to cook? Thanks to him I've found the feminine side of me. I'm mastering cooking now and I've also become more classy yet still rowdy. Thanks to him also, I actually hated love when he duped me. I was duped, yeah...someone as smart as me got duped.

He changed me. He changed the girl that everyone used to know to the girl that I am today. I don't hate him but I thanked him cause he gave me the strength to move on although I've yet to give him a piece of my mind as all this time, I've been the quiet party........

But he didn't change me totally. I am also changed by another guy. He made me become the girl who can speak out her mind. I also did something that I've never done before in my life. Thinking about it just makes me LOL...

I've changed a lot throughout this year. Both for the good and for the bad...Sometimes, I don't even know who I am anymore....

QueenLiyn@22:22

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Relieved....

Started the day in school with the blackest face. My heart was beating very fast and my mind was all in tangles. I was afraid, nervous and very unhappy...Look at my face and you'd think that I'm going to eat you up...

Yea...but I loosened up when Siew Yong came to talk to me. I felt better cause I'm not alone as both of us are on the same boat. A conditional pass...for PCON...Both of us were scared to how the paper will turn out to be. I was scared to even enter the room. Waited for Stephanie who was like turning rather "ga-ga" in the head. She's like that everytime she's stressed. I felt like crying on the spot....too scared....

We finally entered the room. I was still nervous when I went to sit at my seat. I prayed so hard in my heart when I got the paper, that the paper would turn out fine....And know what....

I am 80% confident. I was able to answer 80% of the questions. My heart was jumping up and down when I finally managed to answer the stupid Laplace Transform question which I trialed and error last....hehe...I thought I would lost 6 marks...Damn...I was lucky enough to be able to solve it at the last 30 minutes...

Now, my heart and my mind are at ease. Nevermind if it's not an A. As long as I pass, that's enough. One last paper to go...on Friday...UOP...

Had a talk with Stephanie just now after the paper. She missed two buses and I missed a bus just so that we can talk. Feels like a long time since we talked...Asked her whether she read my diary last night. She said that she didn't understand what I'm trying to say. And I explained my entry to her in just one sentence....She was like "WHAT?!"... I told her directly and honestly what's really bothering me. She also gave me her point of views honestly, as a person or according to her own experience...hehe....I actually blurted out her ex's name at the bus-stop and I realized how similar I am to him...We are egoistic...

I'm torn in between. Two extreme point of views from 2 different people. Just which one to take I also don't know...

Will only think about it after my exams....

I think I wan to go to bed now...I am so pooped....

QueenLiyn@14:40

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meditating...

*huuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
*takes a deep breath*
*huuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
*smiles*

QueenLiyn@04:52

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Probability...

Been working on PCON since afternoon and won't stop until I enter the examination room tomorrow. It's rather important that I don't make stupid mistakes and that I am able to solve every single detail....

Anyways, work aside...

Just got a reply from Sukhairen in Friendster....I really laughed out loud at what she said. Although some of the words stung but somehow or maybe, they are true. Some words seemed so funny and casual that I can't help but laugh. This time, I don't doubt her anymore. She's so right. What are bestfriends for. Want to know what she said? Ask me....LOL

But still, I'm not sure. I've gotta ask Steph's point of view also although she voiced it out earlier. Sukhairen voiced out the cons whereas Stephanie voiced out the pros... I've yet to make my decision, my ultimate decision... I still don't know whether it's wrong or right lah...or whether it's worth it or not...

But there's a high probability that I won't take the straight path this time. And also a high probability that I will turn around and go back against time. But definitely, I won't go to the same path that I used to take a few months back. Maybe, I'll just fade away...with the wind...

What's Chemistry?

I would say that it's my favourite and best subject back in secondary school. But in reality, chemistry can mean something else. It is very important in relationships. No chemistry no reaction. Right? I've said it...time will tell....

I feel like floating now...so light-hearted.......

QueenLiyn@19:48

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Scared, Anxious and Nervous

Just finished my morning meal. Didn't eat much cause it's not really that good for my stomach as my stomach will be too dependent on food. Had gastric pains yesterday when I was fasting. But I managed to resist the pain by taking a nap....

Nv had gastric pains when I am fasting. Don't know why I have it now....Maybe because of me dieting...

Anyway, today is work, work and more work day. Like I've said, tomorrow, I'll be putting my graduation on the line. I'm scared, anxious and nervous. I'm scared of getting my heart broken when I see my grade for this module. I'm anxious to how the paper would turn out. I'm nervous cause I'm the one sitting for the paper....*wat d hell am i toking abt*.....

Haiz....sent Sukhairen a Friendster message asking for help. Waiting for her reply later....I think I'm gonna get a good scolding from her....She'll nag and nag at me...Haiz...nvm..at least she is able to help me...

OKlah...ciao for now....will be going out to Yew Tee later with my bro to withdraw some money and buy some groceries...Ciao...

QueenLiyn@05:09

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Running Away by Hoobastank

"Running Away"
I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
So why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

QueenLiyn@23:24

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Losing...

So, the paper just now, turned out fine. Thank God. 80% confident. I was humming Hoobastank's song "Running Away" while I was doing the paper. I think I am hooked on that song. Even my MSN nick," I don't want you to give it all up, leaving your life collecting dust..." is the lyrics frm that song...LOL...Anyway, hopefully I end up with an A for that module...hehehe....one arch enemy down (Dr Liu), 'divorced' PTPP from my life and next, PCON!!!

ARGH!! SuCKs!

Okok...anyway just now after the exam I went to Westmall to buy things that I desperately need like an anti-blemish, a pen refill, a recordable cd and a nail clipper....Yeah...And I finally paid my phone bill after kanna nagged by my mom as I was giving loads of excuses like lazy, no time, forgot to bring the bill....blah...blah...

Chaili called me just now out of the blue....And I gave her a shock...Out of the blue also....LOL She was asking me about Hari Raya outing this year. And I told her nothing is planned yet but I got something planned on that day only that the date is not confirmed yet. Told her something that left her rather speechless. I could only hear the silent background as she paused....Rather long pause....HAHAHA...I can only laugh at her reaction! Hmmm...what did I tell her...something funnylah...I lost weight...HAHA....(i m not telling the whole truth....)

Asked my mom whether I lost weight. She said I look very haggard as I lost a lot of weight like as if I don't have any life in me. But I really don't have a choice and I need to lose more. My mom said that me losing weight also affects my posture and she said that because I lost a few inches, my 'top' and 'bottom' looks oversized....LOL....but what can I do?

My stomach hurts. Can't eat cause I'm fasting. Like got gastric pain. Shucks...!

Ciao for now.....

QueenLiyn@13:22

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Prepared for the first paper....

Just finished my morning meal before I start fasting again...

Made myself coffee so I can last till after the paper..

And for the first time this semester, I achieved something. I'm prepared for today's exam paper. I studied every lil bit of it, whether it is theory, calculations or the process diagrams...

Oh God, please make me happy for today's paper....

Oklah..ciao for now...will blog in later when I get back from school. Need to revise everything again before I get my arse to school later...

QueenLiyn@04:58

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Achievement...

Just finished breaking fast. Tahu Goreng and Roti Pudding...Yum...I feel so damn full that I don't feel like studying. You see, I prefer to study and have exams during the fasting month because my stomach won't interfere with my brain and my brain will able to take in details and information...

Achievement for today?

Not yet confirmed...

I was dozing off while I was studying for Biology Safety Cabinets (BSC). It's too biology and too theory...it's kinda boring, you know...I love to study in bed and that's why it's very easy for me to fall asleep. So, now I guess I'm going to take a break from all of the studying. I almost finish the whole book anyway....and maybe touch up on the calculations and the diagrams... :D

Just now, when I fell asleep while studying, I dreamt. I dreamt that my friends were all lying to me. In reality, I am like a lie detector. I can detect lie anytime. I won't say it out loud when I know someone's lying but that dream was kinda ridiculous. Don't understand why my friends would lie to me about small little stuffs.

I don't like liars. Even when I'm one of the best liars. LOL..

Anyways, I dreamt about him almost every night. The funny thing is that I don't really remember what those dreams were about only that I know he was there. There's one night, I think a few days ago, I dreamt about him and the only thing I remembered from that dream was a picture of me and him.

Ookok....don't wanna talk about these things now...

Better things to think about...like.......PTPP...and by the way PTPP stands for "Pharmaceutical Technology and Production Processes"....Hahaha.....

Oklah...Ciao for now...maybe blog again after my morning meal....

QueenLiyn@19:30

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Business....

Hehehe...I feel so childish now...

But I am still conscious that tomorrow, I'll be putting my graduation on the line. My first paper is tomorrow...Kinda anxious..

Still got half of the book to go. But at least I achieved something right? hehe...

Well, I've gotta get down to business. No slacking and fooling around online anymore...

Wish me all the best for my exams and hopefully I'll be graduating next May....hehehe

QueenLiyn@15:00

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Beyonce

Yay...Stephanie is still the one who knows me best....*muacks*

*vomits* Nah...I not lesbian...LOL

Hahaha....anyways, last night stay up so late to watch Beyonce Knowles in concert again but now it's in Michigan. Hahha...I love her and her music although it isn't ska or emo-rock. I thought I want to study PTPP while watching but instead of singing PTPP, I sang "Dangerously in Love"...MUAHAH...

Then, I kinda got bored of watching her concert and so I've decided to try on the baju kurungs that I am going to wear during Hari Raya. And...DAMN...I fit into most of them. Even the most classy one which I couldn't wear since I entered polytechnic. And...WOW....I think I got back the body that I used to have in secondary school....LOL...

But still need to work on it. Once I got money again...I'll go and indulge on my greatest indulgence that is....beauty products...mani...pedi...and face masks!! Yea....maybe before Hari Raya...also do something about my hair...I don't know...

OKok...wana go to sleep again now...will blog again later....

CIAO!

QueenLiyn@05:50

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Envious...

Thought I will be gone from here for a while but I couldn't help it as I take a break from all of the studying...

I envy Aishah..

She's still close to her secondary school friends. Haiz...how nice...I wish I am still that close to my old friends. It's not that I don't talk or communicate with them but the friendship bond isn't that close anymore.

Maybe we don't have time for each other as all of us already went to different directions and leading our own lives. So sad. Even when most of us are like from the same school. Maybe we should all gather and catch up with each other. I do sometimes communicate with Sukhairen even when she's from another school and we share what's happening in our lives but the meeting up thingy is kinda difficult.

In school, when I see my old friends, there'll just be a Hi and then a Bye, if not, just a smile. Fortunately, I do get closer to one of them. Haha...him...LOL...*hint hint* ;o)

Miss all of them. Miss all those childish and crazy times we spent with each other. And I especially miss my secondary school days.

*sighs*

QueenLiyn@18:20

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Temp. Gone...

Just started studying PTPP...It's the first paper for my exams which will be on Monday...

Kinda scary cause it's theory-based and I've gotta learn almost the whole book.

Still at primary production. Kinda pathetic huh? But I am trying very hard not to skip any details cause I'm afraid that the MCQ questions will be too demanding....So can't blame me for being slow...

Hmm...exams are coming..so I'll be temporarily gone from here...

Ciao...

QueenLiyn@15:06

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Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee...

"Broken" by Seether feat. Amy Lee

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain[x2]

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough‘
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

QueenLiyn@18:40

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Flat...

First day of fasting month....my battery's kinda flat. Haha....I wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. And just don't have the energy to move around a lot. And my eyes are so heavy....

Hahaha....I think I didn't take enough energy food for the past few days. Been on a carbo diet for a few days and that's why I lack of energy. Haiz...nvm...will take more carbo tonight...

Anyways, I actually created a quiz for my friends to test them on how well do they know me. So far, only Kelvin and Vivian took the quiz. Their results actually proved to me that my friends don't really know me very well. How can Kelvin think that I am messy, unethical and obsessive? Hahaha...and I listen to pop and bubblegum pop?? LOL...Vivian on the other hand thinks that my worst habit is to do all the wrong things and that I am gullible, hard-headed and anti-social! Lol...and damn...my greatest indulgence ain't clothings. Girls know better. Hahaha...And also I don't love to eat junk food especially pizza. And funnily, they think that I love to swim and play badminton.

In all their answers, there's a lil' truth there. But I twisted the truth so as to test them. Like for example, I am hard-headed and messy. But I am definitely not unethical and obsessive. I love to swim but I don't actually love to play badminton. Only certain people knows about the only sport that I am rather obsessed with. And furthermore, my type of music has changed and only certain people knows about it. Haha...ok...enough...Now, waiting for certain people like him, Stephanie and Abang Zul to take the quiz. *smirks* Just wanna know how well they know me...

If you want to know me better or you think you know me well enough, I challenge you to take this quiz.

ANyways...I think I must start studying my PTPP notes now...Haiz...he's always on my mind and in my dreams....

QueenLiyn@13:54

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Eve of Ramadhan...

Feels like the eve of Hari Raya cause a lot of preparations are going on. Actually, today is the eve of 1st of Ramadhan. The starting of the fasting month. Can't wait. I don't need to worry about overeating for 1 month...Hahaha

Just came back from Geylang. Went there just for dinner and to take a breather from home and all the pressure. Went out wearing the most casual clothes. Wore my Lilo and Stitch T-shirt which I've never worn before with my faded jeans. Haha...my face was almost free of any cosmetics and my hair was kinda frazzled. Haha....

Anyways, been surveying new handphones and their prices. My dream phone would be the Samsung SGH E-700A. If anyone wishes to sell that phone to me...give me the BEST deal. Budget...$300-$400. If I can't find the best deal, I've got to settle with either LG or Panasonic X66. I can't tahan using my mom's phone cause I can't really do anything with it like put pictures, composing music...blah...blah...and I'm not free to say that it's my phone. So, I desperately need a new phone now...a flip GPRS enabled polyphonic phone....and must be affordable!

LOL...

Accused of being a perfectionist again. And also egiostic. Ya...I am...But I don't wish to argue or deny that I'm not. The old me is like this. I must always win and must always be right. Scary huh? I'm also very temperamental. But managed to control it cause normally, I got no mood to get angry. I am also very selfish and self-involved. Can't help it but to say it. Because I am mentally exhausted nowadays, I've not been helping around much. Sorry...but I guess I am too selfish...Haizz....

Like I've said repeatedly, I have to be myself to get through this. Can't help it...

Before I ciao...wanna say that I love him lotz no matter how I feel like now...

CIAO!

QueenLiyn@23:33

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Bothered...

Something's bothering me. My results.

Haven't even sat for any exam papers and I'm already worried.

I regret not paying attention to my "sliding-down" grades weeks ago.

Still have a chance for PCON. But....I am scared for CGMP and even CEL 3.1 even when I've always scored well for the reports. There's no way that I can turn back time when I was studying for the CGMP test. Should have paid attention more on the keywords and I could have fared well for the last test. And there's no way that I could go back to last Monday when I was taking the practical test for CEL 3.1. I should have gone for the second round to make up for one of my failed experimental test.

SHUCKS...

I regret...I'm scared and worried to see that ugly F for any one of my core modules on my results slip which might cause me to f**king stay back for another semester.

This is a lesson to be learn. Never thought that things would be this difficult...

So for now, my husband would be my UOP, PCON and PTPP notes as I'll be dedicating most of my time to them. My boyfriend would be my laptop, constantly entertaining and encouraging me while I go through this hard times. And my arch enemies will be Dr Lim, Dr Liu and especially Mr Tng...

QueenLiyn@15:26

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Trying to focus...

Just realize that I am the baddie now. I know how to differentiate the wrong and right but....I don't know what's wrong with me but I prefer to do the wrong and make people be angry at me....

Maybe I'm sick of always being the good girl at home...

I think the old Liyana is back. The BIG ego and stubborn girl is BACK...

Anyways, today I must really learn to focus. I must finish the whole book on UOP if not....haiz....

FOCUS, Liyana, FOCUS...

QueenLiyn@11:44

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Flow?

Let it flow...let it flow...let it flow...let it flow......

Where's the water? Or should I ask, will there be any fluid??

And where's the mechanical device that let the fluid flow? Any pumps? Anything??

Gone?

Gone with the wind??

QueenLiyn@23:16

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Still....

Hey...don't need to remind me what's wrong or right. I am old enough. I know when I can do this kind of things and when I can't do. And stop all this anonymous thingy on my tag-board. What are you scared of? Scared that I'll bite your head off? Haha...

Anyways, took some carbo just now. I feel physically better now if not, my world will be spinning around me and I'll faint anytime. I guess I can't be on a carbo diet. I can't even study well without any carbo. And well, managed to eat some carbo for lunch. Not too much.

My mom said that I am killing myself. Maybe I am...maybe I'm not?

Got to know my PCON test results. IT SUCKS! I scored half of the marks that I scored for during common test. :( Everything's too late now, just need to study double hard for the exams.

Been thinking of my future. I am thinking about my dream job. Being a gynecologist. I've always wanted to be a gynecologist since secondary school cause I adore babies. Now, that dream is shattered. In a way. Cause I couldn't possibly go overseas to medical school to study as I need to earn that enough money before I can go abroad. I don't want to waste time on studying so much cause one day, I'll be staying at home attending to my husband, kids and doing housework.

Even a diploma is considered quite high a qualification, if one day I'll end up a housewife. Unless I end up as a career BITCH and I have a house-husband. LOL....This reminds me of the movie "Stepford Wives"....HAHAH...

Not so much as an achievement today. I only managed to study one chapter thoroughly for UOP. Will try my best to finish 4 chapters today. I am kinda distracted today. But handling that distraction well.

It's been a long time since I cried. And well, just now I cried while watching Baby Boom on channel 8. My heart was moved by the quadraplets and how much they love their parents. *sighs* Am I that emotional?

LOL

Gotta ciao now..have to study UOP again....will blog again later.

QueenLiyn@18:55

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Better...

Feeling better today...Much Much Better....

2 more days before the fasting month. Just can't wait for it to start. I always look forward to 15 of Ramadhan cause that's when things start to perk up and preparations for Hari Raya will start.

Yesterday, I tried some of my new baju kurungs. Oh God.. The top is kinda oversized. I should have cross-sized it when I bought it that time. Haiz...nvm...who knows I'll gain more weight than I lost during Hari Raya...HAHAHA....

See...I am laughing again...

Have a rather weird dream last night. About NS. Haha...it's too weird to explain!

Anyway, I feel much better today after having a talk with my personal love psychiatrist late last night. Haha....Stephanie lah. WHo else. I was rather disturbed yesterday. A length of time is given for me to think. Theories like how to make it flow when there's no water or rate were discussed. ANd how the flowrate is coming to a zero. But there's still no conclusion.

Yeah, I am hinting something...it's up to you to understand...

Just can't stand ballad songs anymore. Or songs that have the word LOVE in it. Songs that are too sentimental, too boyband...too blah... Been downloading a lot fo Blink 182, Deftones, Good Charlotte....I know this type of music is the type of music I hate. But know what, I've come to love that type of music.

Don't know what's wrong with me. As long as I don't go into music on HEAVY METAL...it's okay...

Haha....have to start studying now. UOP UOP...here I come...

QueenLiyn@12:21

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Honesty is the best policy...

Sorry...I was rather pissed off just now. I just couldn't control my temper anymore. I've got a lot of things in my mind. Just don't want people to add more burden on me...I've had enough...

Anyway, today's achievement....I managed to finish almost the whole book on PCON. Thank God. I am left with 2 chapters, 1 chapter which I don't even know what the hell is it about and the other chapter that needs a lot of thinking. I skipped my important meals today so that I don't waste time eating and there'll be enough time for me to study.

I'm not hungry. I'm already full with all the things in my head. Prepared myself a BIG cup of redbull that's diluted with water so that I don't LS. I need a bull's energy cause I lack of carbohydrates today. Just don't ask me whether I am on diet or not...the answer is pretty obvious...

Haiz....the dreams last night still haunt me till now. Those dreams actually were part of the reason why I was rather pissed off today. I dreamt that I was back in secondary school and we were all NAKED in class...even me... Luckily, I don't see any guys. THank God... All the girls were naked in the classroom and running about and laughing. I was TOTALLY embarrassed... even though there were only girls. Maybe I am ashamed of my own body...I don't know... But that's not the main reason of the dream. One of my secrets is out in the open...DAMMIT...
There were other dreams but I refused to comment anything about them...they are SICK...

Well, another reason why I was pissed off today is him...Just got the feeling that he isn't really that honest with me. He's that type of person who like to keep things to himself. Don't really like it. I prefer honesty no matter how nasty honesty might get. Hey, I asked you to ask me questions to "satisfy your curiosity", before right...? I was trying to hint for you to be honest with me....

You know...honesty is the best policy...

QueenLiyn@22:37

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Annoyed...

I am so so so annoyed...

Now I think I am having the post-menstrual syndrom. A few days ago was the pre-menstrual syndrom...and now...haizz...

Just what is my mother thinking. When I am sitting in my room, buried in papers and books, blasting loud music on my laptop and locking the door, she said that I am fooling around in my room. Whereas when I am outside, in front of my laptop, chatting with my friends, she thinks that I am studying...

I was like...WHAT D HELL???

The mother daughter trust is GONE...She just don't trust and understand me anymore. ALthough I don't have any more curfews and restrictions but she JUST don't understand me anymore.

I AM NOT FOOLING AROUND OK. I AM SO FOCUSED ON MY STUDIES THAT I'LL SHOUT AT YOU WHEN YOU CAME KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!

...........

Know what...Just leave me alone bottling up all my feelings...and if I cry, everything will remain within the four walls of my room...

Just leave me alone...

QueenLiyn@15:13

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Can't Sleep...

I can't go to sleep...

My body's retiring on me but my brain just ain't at ease....

Haiz....

Wonder how Beyonce Knowles can dance so well with heels...I can't even walk properly with heels...!! HAHA...

Anyways...read somthing interesting from Friendster posted by one of my sec. sch classmate about love...only a paragraph of it seems to be rather interesting....here it is....

"When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you. Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end."

It's sooo true...!!

QueenLiyn@01:53

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Hmmm....

Hey...please don't blurt out anything unuseful on my tag-board. It's of no use if you don't identify yourself and want to dig out the truth from me....And well, don't assume anything...unless you are one of my irritating friends back from secondary school....

Anyway, I looked at myself on my full length mirror before I went out just now. I just don't look like myself. My hair was styled in a different way and it was very black. I was wearing a rather short skirt and a black long-sleeved blouse. My nails were painted almost black. And my fashion accessories was so.......Hmm...I realize that I'm going into a fashion concept...

One of the concepts that is not popular in Singapore. Goth...Ska...or whatever it is....

Am I turning into concepts again? I don't know...I just think that an all-black fashion is rather fashionable....though I do wear pink, white and blue and I don't own any black traditional clothings....

Listen to the type of music I listen...You can see that I am going into a type of concept. My brother used to always accused me of trying to enter the 'ska' world but on the other hand, I am also very classy. What am I? Who am I?

Hahaha...my personality changes in a matter of months earlier this year. Just because of one person saying one word, "Pampered", to me...And my whole life crumbled...

What is becoming of me?

Oh ya...Juni if you are reading this...can you tell me what's the name of the band which sings happy ska music? You told me a band name during the kenduri a few weeks ago and encouraged me to listen to their songs, remember?? Can tell me the band name please?

Anyways, made an amazing discovery today. I was teaching Xiuhui PCON. And know what, out of the blue, I was able to solve all the equations which I was rather weak at and skipped the whole question in the test with simple Mathematic skills. It's so AMAZING!! I should have passed the test!!!!! And I wouldn't be in this SHIT!!

DAMMIT! Everything's too late. Should have paid attention in lectures and tutorials. Well, what can I do now....

Oh ya...did I tell you that this Friday is the first day of fasting month? Yes! Hari Raya is coming...which actually reminds me of Abang Zul. SHould I seek forgiveness from him...or vice versa? I didn't do anything to him...STill thinking on how to approach that situation...and I still remembered a year earlier when I was forced to kneel in front of him. But that time was different cause I was so in LOVE with him. The thought of it just makes my skin crawl....I WAS SO BLIND, DUMB and IMMATURE cause I didn't see that he just pretended to care for me... And this was how I felt when my whole world crumbled.....

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
-My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

And a reminder again.....don't post any SHIT on my tag-board...

QueenLiyn@21:03

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Clarification Report...

So my clarification report is out....

How do I feel?

Glad and light-hearted....

Why?

At least I can focus better now. I shouldn't be sad cause it's harder to maintain a relationship with one of your close friends.

He might be thinking how come I give in easily and I understand him totally. Ya, I got pride and a BIG ego for a girl but to me, it's a good thing and well, a load off my mind. Like he said, let it flow....

He's smart in a way that I can't explain. And well, I am glad he clarified it.

And now, I can be myself again...

Gotta ciao, going out to study with Xiuhui at Bt.Batok MacDonalds and will be there for a while....Maybe I'll blog again...maybe not....

So ciao for now...

QueenLiyn@13:12

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Same Direction....

Hoobastank's songs really RAWK man!

Despite the fact that I skipped the song "The Reason" everytime I played the CD....I still love their other songs especially the song, "Same Direction"...woo...really..really nice....

"The Reason" used to be one of my favourite songs when it was first released but now, I find the song rather depressing as it is a break-up song...Haha...everytime I listen to that song...it just reminds me of Abang Zul...DAMN....won't talk about it.

Anyway, just painted my fingernails the darkest purple until it actually looked black! Don't dare to paint it black cause...erm....it's rather scary if every morning I woke up realizing that my fingernails are all black! HAHAHA!

Well, will close the blogging for today...after 2 mushy blogs plus this normal blog.....I guess I call it today...so CIAO for now...

QueenLiyn@21:14

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No momentum...

Blogging again...

Just finished printing all the things needed for me to brush up on my PCON. Common test answers, class test answers and past year paper.....

Planned to start revising today but like what Steph said, we have yet that momentum to start revising for our exams. We are still slacking away online.....

Tomorrow I'll be going to school to study PCON with Xiuhui. She asked me to help her but *sighs* I, myself have difficulties in handling that module.

OK...nvm...just try to help her in what I can...

Me and Steph still talking about wet dreams now...HAHAHA....we are forcing each other to share our wet dreams. Hahaha...I think I won't share with her cause that satisfying feeling will be gone if it is being shared with someone else....hehehehehe......And hey, kissing is nothing like a wet dream..LOL....

Yeah....I admit now...I MISS HIM A LOT....DAMN...

QueenLiyn@17:35

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Dreaming of him....

I dreamt of him again last night. Three nights in a row. But I don't remember what those dreams were all about. All I know that he was there. And I was rather happy in my dreams..

I don't know why...Do I miss him? I'm not sure.

I know he means a lot to me. But my exams are my priorities right now. And I wasn't thinking about him for the past few days. My brain has been asking me to focus but my heart was shouting and drifting away...

I am crazy. I am love-sick...DAMN...can't help it but to say it...

Each time I spend with him is like a learning experience for me. He told me things that I never know of and make me realize things around me that I've never observed before. I might be better in my studies compared to him but he's much better than me when it is not about studies. That's why I would rather listen to what he says rather than talk although I do talk about things sometimes. Sometimes, I don't know how to reply to him but I'm always impressed with what he knows.

Don't know when is the next time I am going to spend my time with him.

But for now, I'll be spending time with him in my dreams.....

QueenLiyn@15:00

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A Different Side

Just finished reading Kelvin's blog. Despite the fact that he hasn't been updating his blog, I could see the different side of him. Always known him to be very rowdy with the F-word and C-word coming out of his mouth...but now my impression of him changed. I never known that he can be a softie inside and loves his gf so much...

I was rather impressed by how sweet he is...I mean I've never seen that softie part of him although we've worked as a team for PED and seen the morning side of him. He looks tough but he's a softie inside...I guess his not that baddie after all!

Anyway, talked to Stephanie about wet dreams. Haha! I told her that in my whole life, I only had 2 wet dreams with 2 different guys. And she said that I'm rather pathetic. She on the other hand, had more than twice! Hahaha....I had my first wet dream when I was 14. Hahaha.....still remembered everything and my second wet dream was like...erm..a few months ago.....and still fresh in my mind...LOL...

Just couldn't stop laughing...

So....gotta ciao for today.....after..like 4 blogs...hahaha...Nitez!

QueenLiyn@23:29

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Bloated...

Just came back from high tea at Royal Plaza on Scotts Hotel....

Went in there with a 29-inch waist but came out with a 31-inch waist...

DAMN!...HAHAHA....must skip dinner and lunch tomorrow.....but don't know what I'll wear to hide my stomach later when I meet my cousins...

Hahaha..!! Will blog again later...

QueenLiyn@17:58

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A Lesson

I treat this as a lesson to be learn...

Never thought that it would be this difficult to maintain. I thought that I would be able to juggle my own life...but I guess there's no easy way out...

I've never encountered this heart breaking news before. It's heart-breaking when I've found out that I'm failing an important core module...

God is teaching me a lesson. And I'll go through it without giving up until I get what I desired...yeah...the old Liyana is back....and she's out to get the A's...

FOCUS, LIYANA...FOCUS...

QueenLiyn@12:24

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Fucked Up...

I'm fucked up...DAMN...really FUCKED UP now...

I juz woke up from the dead after being in the dead zone for 2 months....

If this thing never happened...I would never wake up...

I was stunned to receive an email from Mr Tng. Never expected it...I couldn't believe my eyes when he said that I JUST CONDITIONALLY PASS PCON and if I DUN PASS my EXAMS I'll FAIL the ENTIRE MODULE....

DAMN! Now....my life will entirely be PCON...I don't want to stay back for another pathetic semester just to redo that module...

Now...I guess I'm FUCKED UP...

QueenLiyn@01:02

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My Last Day in Poly.....

So it's my last day of school....After today, I'll only go back to school for the exams, briefings and presentations...

So sad...

Started the day having our last breakfast in school with Stephanie at Canteen 1. She caught me dazing into empty space and I nearly had a heart attack when she tapped on my shoulder. She saw how bad my pms was. I was ranting, complaining and grumbling. She kept asking me to shut up. She nearly wanted to kill me with an eating knife when I started to irritate her..Hahaha! We consoled each other cause something rather bad happened to her early this morning whereas I wasn't really myself.....

We were so caught up in ourselves that we nearly were late for our PED presentation. Sadly, I did stumble on my words while I was presenting and my whole team wasn't really prepared for the questions shot to us...But well...it's over..we can't do anything to undo it...

After that, we had a few hours before the NAPFA test. We explored part of the school by walking through Blk 50 to the Convention Centre and walking through the underpass to Canteen 1. I was complaining and grumbling all the way till Canteen 1. Something was really wrong with me. We don't have the appetite to eat proper lunch and you know what we did? Hahaha! We went to the dessert stall and each of us bought 2 bowls of different types of desserts to share. So altogether, we had 4 bowls of dessert laid in front of us. Hahaha! We were crazy....cause this is what I call indulging...and at the end of our so-called meal, I was coughing non-stop cause I actually have a sore throat and I stil could eat sweet desserts!

We then went to the library to wait until 4pm. Stephanie slept while I was chatting with my cousin online pouring what has been bothering me for the whole day. She wasn't able to help me cause I guess she's too young to understand. I nearly cried while I typed every sentence.......... While on our way to the sports complex, I saw his twin brother from far. And yeah, just glances and looking at the brother was like looking at him only no feelings. HAHAHA!

Know what...I didn't participate the NAPFA test. I don't feel comfortable doing sit-ups, standing broad jump and especially the 2.4km run while I have that "thing". So, me and Stephanie sat at the very back of the stadium to look at people around us. The funny thing was that the guys from our class wasn't present. Not even one of them. Pathetic....

Anyway, the fun thing we did was to look at guys. We observed every guy doing the test there. We recognised some of them cause some of them used to be in the same group for our IS classes. I was like commenting on one of the Malay guys who was from our IS WISP. He's from HLM. Never realized that he's kinda nice-looking until just now. He just has that typical Malay guy look with curly bushy hair and he kinda looked like Adam Brody, one of my favourite actors, despite his Malay skin tone. HAHAHA....but unfortunately, he can't run! HAHA!

Basically, we were actually looking at guys and talking about them for the whole day. There was one time also when we were walking to the MDE office to get something signed, I was like nudging at Steph that the guy walking towards us is kinda good-looking if his hair is short. And she agreed cause he has very sharp features....About the talking part...we were talking about the guys we love or used to love.

I guess all guys are the same and we, girls, just don't understand guys...

Anyway, I am conscious that I have a bf. Don't worry, dear...LOL...I won't get tempted!! There's NO HARM looking at other guys right....

*sighs* My last day was wasted just looking at strangers....

QueenLiyn@23:41

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Love?

Love just can't be explained and be described by words....

I can never explain why I love him and how much I love him....It isn't necessary to give the reasons......

It's just a feeling....

But I just don't know how to express it....Only that I know I love him...

QueenLiyn@12:04

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The OC

Watching The OC on Channel 5 right now...

Seth Cohen(Adam Brody) is SOOO CUTE!!!

HAHAHAHA!

Ciao...for today...

QueenLiyn@23:04

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Expression of Love

I'm falling sick...Wonder whether I should take NAPFA tomorrow....But I should...I need the exercise to relieve all the stress and all the anger build inside me...

Should words of love be expressed by mouth only? Hah! Ask me to say "I love you"...those words are the hardest words to say... I'm not that type of person whose so mushy to say that type of things. Honestly speaking, I've never said those words directly in my life before. Those words can only be found hidden inside my personal diaries.

Not saying that I'm hard-hearted or what. My love could normally be seen from the depth of my eyes, can be heard from the beating of my heart and from the words in my messages....

Only that...I never say it verbally before...

Just can't say it...maybe one day...one lucky guy would hear it.... HAHAHA!

Ok...enough mushy stuff...

Been doing PED presentation since afternoon...rather tired.....really can't believe tomorrow is my last day in polytechnic....:'(

Just can't believe it....will really miss those days when I was just a freshmen in polytechnic. I've changed from the girl who just couldn't socialize and refuse to do so, to one of the rowdy girls in the lecture theatre and joking around with the guys.....Hahaha!

I've changed a lot through my poly days.......

And my heart's crying out loud right now....................

QueenLiyn@22:57

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D time of d month again.....

In the school library right now.....

Staying back to prepare for tomorrow's PED presentation...

Just came out of the toilet...and DAMN! It's the time of the month again. No wonder I felt the bottom part of my body heavy last night. And the pain in my stomach is rather unbearable now....

And it's sooo cold in here....

I wanna go home with him......let's wait for him....

QueenLiyn@12:19

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Beautiful

Sometimes I really wish I'm beautiful....I wish I have both the brains and the looks...

But I guess..I should be happy with who I am and what I am...

QueenLiyn@23:47

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D Question

So the ultimate question was popped before lunch just now...

And I was the one who popped it...

It did feel rather embarrassing at first cause I am the girl and I am like popping the question. But I guess there's no harm trying right? Well....that's one heavy load taken off my shoulders...

Yeah...that question has been bothering me for weeks and finally....I got the answer...

Wasn't the answer that I expected...You see, a scientist when he wants to clarify that his equation works, he'll try all means to really really make sure that it works and that it is very precise. So, I wanted to clarify with him and the answer wasn't so precise...

I'm still not secured....still unsure..like him...

ANd I forgot to ask him...his feelings...DAMN....

QueenLiyn@19:41

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Headache...Backache and Heartache....

Broke a record today....

Studied PCON from 3++pm till a few minutes ago. Of course there were times I go and shower, eat epok-epok, a few minutes of television and instances of lying in bed, staring at the ceiling while thinking....about.........him.

Everytime I study, I would blast really loud music into my ears so that whatever I study would just remain in my head and will not go in from one ear and go out of the other. Today's music was rather different. It wasn't angry music...HAHA! It was dirty funky music....by Black Eyed Peas...I was playing their CD and listening to their songs. "Yes to sex. Yes to sex. No to war. No to war." Those are the lyrics of one of their songs. And it kept ringing in my head. I was kinda distracted by those lyrics cause I was writing down equations on my paper and unconsciously, I wrote the word "sex" in my equation...HAHAH...I was already laughing at myself! Wouldn't be listening to that type of music while studying anymore....LOL

Kinda concentrated with PCON now...got headache already and because of the long hours of sitting, I got a backache now....Haizz...

I was about to do it tonight. I thought I would take a break from studying and go online and chat with him. But well, I guess it wasn't fated for us to chat tonight. And again....I lose the chance of doing it....

Maybe it's better that I do it when I meet him tomorrow for lunch. I guess it's more sincere that way. I thought doing it online would be better cause I could actually type my words and just press 'enter' instead of arranging my words in my brain and saying it to him personally. But I know there are going to be consequences that I've gotta face, the pros and cons, when doing this. And I have to use up all of my ego and pride just to say the words..........

I don't know....

My heart really aches....

QueenLiyn@22:10

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a pic of me n juni

QueenLiyn@22:09

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My last Monday in school....................

I just don't feel like today's the last Monday that I'm going to spend in school...
I just couldn't believe that in a few weeks times...I'm starting my last semester doing industrial attachment...

Haizz....Started the day with VIVA (practical test). I wasn't really prepared with what Mr Quinn was going to ask and I messed up his whole test. I think I failed his but I think I did good for Dr Lim's experiment even when it took me 5 times to get 1 mirco-litre of methyl salicylate inside d syringe accurately!! Hahaha!!!

After that we had our 5-hours break. Me and Stephanie went to print the last of our PED, our designs, at Blk 40 and then had a really heavy lunch. We, then went to the library to spend the next 3 hours studying AEM....Going to 5th floor in the first place was a mistake cause Stephanie wasn't able to focus but as for me, I started to blast music in my ears and already started revising. It was when we shifted ourselves to the 4th floor. I got distracted...and yeah...I wasn't able to focus...but then I guess there's no point of studying then...and Stephanie was already falling asleep while studying.

And why were we acting the way we were...it's because we saw the guys that we adore on that floor....heheheheh......

So...how did AEM exam went...It went terrible...terrible....terrible....I nv experienced this type of paper before...It sucked! The first question went okay and the third question was so-so..... The rest of the paper...was like....haiz...I only stared at the questions and nothing sparked... I didn't expect questions that well....that were beyond my capabilities...I feel like the dumbest person sitting there just staring at the black prints on the paper....I was actually drifting away and I think I lost more than 50 marks...Pardon me...if I fail..nothing will happen to me...

So I went home with him just now...thought I was going to wait for him till 7++pm as he was actually sitting for a test. But...don't really know why...he quickly finished the paper...and went to meet me...Know what...I disappoint Stephanie today...I was supposed to do something today. I just don't have GUTS to do it when I see him. I only have 1 last chance this coming Wednesday..only that I don't know whether I would be able to do it....

QueenLiyn@21:55

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Bored...

Blogging third time today...

Haha! Feeling rather bored....Stopped studying AEM cause I was rather bored of doing it...so I'll just have to study for it tomorrow during the 5 hours break...

Don't know what else to say....I think I ate a lot today...Feel rather fat...OHH NO...

Haha...who cares...I remembered indulging myself with food a few years ago so that I would be fat and no guys will look at me! HAHAH...it took me months to bring down my weight...n now, I just don't know how to get rid of the stretch marks!! HAHA...And I remembered how most of my pants and my short skirts don't fit cause my butt and thighs were rather HUGE...And how my jeans size was like 36...HAHAHAHA!!!!! Now...I dropped 2 sizes for jeans and I have since started wearing my short skirts...Most of my T-shirts and blouses are oversized and I've since stopped wearing them...LOL...But the thing is that some parts of my body just doesn't seem to decrease...............

I make a happy person cause I feel good for who I am..for how I look like...for how my life turn out to be...for how I live my life everyday....

I'm definitely out of depression mode...and for now...I end my blogging for today...

QueenLiyn@22:07

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Taking a break....

Taking a break from studying AEM...
Decided to skip one whole chapter on Series and Sequences...there's no point studying for it....
Never know that the last 2 topics are that easy...
Hahaha...should have paid more attention in lectures!!

Anyway, today is the eve of everything.
What's left to do:
- Study for VIVA (practical test)
- Do UOP Crystallization Assignment
- Print PED report (finally...........)
- Think of a good phrase to make him mine.....hehehe....

Hey...I'm in love....and nobody can stop me....
Hahaha....Gotta ciao....wanna watch Gilmore Girls on TV....

QueenLiyn@17:57

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Happy....

I'm so glad that he didn't turn up last night. I was so happy last night cause I didn't have to experience that awkward feeling when I'm around him. I wish I wouldn't have to see him anymore for the rest of my life but I know I can't run away forever.. Too bad he's family....And I've gotta face him on my knees to seek forgiveness during Hari Raya later this year............

My cuz, Syahirah was hoping that he would turn up cause she wanted to see how my reaction would be when I see him but I guess it wasn't fated. At the end of the day, she said that maybe he didn't want to turn up because of me....

My other cuz, Juni, even asked me about him and whether he came or not. I know lah....earlier this year I was so happy to see him whenever he's around but now, things are just different.....

I love another guy....I want to forget my past. Forget the memories that I ever had with him in the past....But I guess I can't run away forever....

Anyway...I know I've been listening to a lot of angry songs. Unlike my brother, he's in love and he listens to 'jiwang-jiwang' songs.....Stephanie listens to boybands and all the lovey-dovey songs.... Whenever they play their music...I'll ask them to stop playing these types of songs cause they are like tooooo depressing. The background music itself is so DAMN depressing. The lyrics of the songs are undescripable... Even Hoobastank's song, The Reason, became a song too depressing for me to listen.... The songs always blasting in my ears are songs with upbeat background music like Janet Jackson's, All Night (Don't Stop) and Blue's, Bubbling. Other than that are songs by Evanescence and Linkin Park. I do have a little of emo-rock music.

I know I should be listening to happy songs cause I am happy but...angry songs are better...at least those songs don't make me cry...

QueenLiyn@13:24

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Glad, Relieved and Tired....

We were on "nightshift" last night doing PED.

Stephanie and Kelvin were at my place and the purpose of them to be at my place is to completely finish the PED and compile the whole report by today....

I was rushing up my parts on the Net alone in the comfort of my dining room till nearly 1am and then joined them after that. We were really engrossed in doing our parts. But the ultimate achievement is that we managed to complete almost everything...

Kelvin retired early as he fell asleep on my bed. Me and Stephanie, on the other hand were like so active and wide awake doing our parts. Kelvin then shifted to the floor and started snoring at around 3+ am. See this is what I mean as guys being the weaker sex...HAHAH...the girls were like energetic..but the guy had started snoring....

Stephanie was so funny in the morning at that time. I asked her to do something about her pumps calculations part. And she was like asking me "what...what to do..." a lot of times. And I was repeating myself more than 5 times I think...Hahaha! She's so blur at that point of time. Me on the other hand, is like the owl....I was still doing my work without any distraction...

Around 4am, me and Steph felt so boliao that we went online to see whose online on the MSN. We were shocked to see a number of people still online, particularly one of our classmates, Alvin Khoo...Hahaha! We did disturbed him....and couldn't stop giggling at him....

It was rather fun having my friends bunking at my place. We get to see each other's condition in the morning and we get to spend more time together...Hahaha...around 6am the 3 of us were all so tired and we slept at 3 different places in my room. I conquered my whole bed. Kelvin got the mattress on the floor and Stephanie was sleeping in a sitting position in front of her laptop....Hahaha....

I am glad, relieved but also tired as we managed to compile almost the whole report only that I have to touch up here and there for the report...to make it more interesting...

Still wide awake now but kinda scared cause I haven't even touch my AEM yet....I've got an exam on Monday but I haben even touch it yet....

Haiz...I'm sick. Got a really bad throat. I think it's caused by all of the pressure from PED. I am stupid enough to make it more worse by eating Snickers early in the morning. The hazelnut really intch my throat....

Haizz...missed him already...it's only been 2 days...what if it's 2 months or 2 years? Can I still live without him...HAHHA....for now, I'm still thinking of a good phrase to make what we have now, official...

QueenLiyn@15:28

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No sleep for me tonight....

Still in the school library....

Been doing PED since noon. Will continue doing PED till tomorrow morning. Kelvin and Stephanie will be bunking in at my house. We'll be doing the compilation of the report by tomorrow morning so that we don't need to come to school on Sunday as me and Stephanie still have to study for the Monday's AEM exam and practical test.

S**K...I'm sick today and still have to overwork myself. Nevermind...as long as my team members are going strong...I still have the determination and perseverence to go on...The only thing I need now is BLACK COFFEE...

I'm so broke now....Have less than $10 in my bank. All the taxi fares really make me go bankrupt!! ARGHH!!! Have to start saving again after PED is officially over....BUT I WANA GO SHOPPING!!!!! THAT'S MY ADDICTION!!

HAHA...SORRY for my SUDDEN OUTBURST....

Despite all the theory and PED in my mind....I'm still thinking about him....Haizz....He just make my world a brighter place....

QueenLiyn@20:15

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